My wife says she is going to file for a divorce this week. We were talking the night before last and I asked her if she had filed. She said she didn't but she was going to this week. Then she said that she is going to "talk" about it. I hope she is just bluffing, but I don't know.<p>I am just so upset that she moved out so that she can be with OM all the time. I said W please don't file yet. You told me your whole reason for moving out was to see if after 6 months things would be different. She then replied with that was before thanksgiving. I am trying so hard to to be nice to her, and plan A but she is not giving me any oppurtunity to do so. All I want to be able to do is just show her that I am different than when she moved out. <p>How can I plan A her, if she is totally unwilling to do even accept me as a person? She has only been out of the house for barely two months, and already she is speaking of divorce! The worst part is that has no desire (at this point) to work on our marriage. She seems to think that it will never work out. I need help!!!

mermit,<p>I thought my W was bluffing too. She talked about D for 6 months before finally filing. Talk to a lawyer and stall it as long as you can. Remember, D seems like an easy alternative, but it's harder than they think.<p>sad dad

mermitt - don't ask about it anymore.<p>THE very best thing you can be doing right now is being nonchalant and NOT lovebusting. Asking her if she's filed can be a combo LB/needy whine.<p>I know it's hard to do, but if you can avoid asking and avoid acting/sounding needy, you will present the best "you."<p>I'll bet she doesn't really know what she wants to do or what's best for HER. You can assume she's thinking only about herself.<p>As far as Plan A is concerned, think of it as being about YOU, not about showing her. You can be standing right in front of her standing on your head - assuming that was one of her complaints, that you didn't do this often enough - and she'll still not necessarily acknowledge it. Satisfy yourself if she won't provide feedback. At the moment, do not expect for her to acknowledge that you exist. This is "normal" for the alien abductees. They are being controlled by the Mothership and we (BSs) are wasting our time trying to figure them out.<p>The best help I can offer at the moment for you is to recommend you stop dwelling on her behavior and leave her alone. OF COURSE she thinks the marriage will never work out. This was her prerequisite for the affair.<p>Don't try to convince her you've changed. Convince yourself and then consider going to Plan B.

I would go get a lawyer but I have just enough money to get by right now. She can't afford her apartmen, and I have to giver her 400 bucks a month for child support. I don't think she can really file for divorce right now? Who knows. I know that she has a lawyer, but she is worse off financially than I. I have no idea what she is thinking. I really wish she would go seek counseling. I have been to a counselor three times, and I will be going again on Thursday. I need some serious advice from someone who has maybe been through this before and worked it out?<p>I love my wife deeply and just want to work things out with her.