There only seems to be help and support for some out there that have gory details to share.<p>[ December 10, 2001: Message edited by: daybreak ]<p>[ December 10, 2001: Message edited by: daybreak ]</p>

Just a bump!!<p>It hurts that no one could be there for me.<p>[ December 10, 2001: Message edited by: daybreak ]</p>

ouch

Well Daybreak,<p>I am sorry you feel that way. I wish I could say that I had read your post or new your story, but I can't.<p>Please understand that this time of year seems to be causing alot of crisis for the people on this board, myself included. Sometimes it is very difficult to reach beyond your own pain and find words to help others. I know that this was my case for a long time. <p>I have not been here for very long, just over two months, but I have found that the more I am able to share, the more support I recieve. I will not deny that there are some people here who have been posting for a long time and have become friends, they rush to each others support in a time of crisis, and as I said, there has been alot of that in these last few days. <p>But, these same people have also been kind enough to respond to me as well, when I open up and tell my story. Their words and experience has been invaluable to me these last 2 months as I have tried to deal with the facts of my H's affair.<p>Please don't give up on us. Post your story, the more you open up, the more others will be there and open up for you.<p>Also understand that sometimes people here just need time to think about what you have written before responding.<p>Please, try again.
Needing

I'm listening . . .

needing,<p>you are a great defender!!!<p>And all the things that you have posted I know, I don't post often as there are so many that aren't as strong as myself and need the help of others, so when I do post and don't get a response I take a little offense. I guess that is my problem.<p>I had gotten an e mail from WH today that showed just a glimmer of fog lifting and that is a first and it has been 11 months. I wanted to share that and get some input from MBer's as I was hoping not to read to much into his e mail, used the D word lots and talked of his own pain which was a first and how he just wanted to get on with his life, and that he and OW were having difficulty not being able to be together, (my thought as to why he is pushing for D)<p>Thanks for responding, I so hate to see post go by with 0 is the response column. I appreciat you responding.<p>Dawn

Dawn,<p>It is not an oversight of any kind. I just got in from work. Can you please tell us more about his e-mail? What did glimmer did you see?<p>hugz,
L.

Hi Dawn,<p>I have been gone since early this morning, got home in time to do just a "glance over" before I started my afternoon music lessons, and FINALLY am now able to do some catching up!!<p>If you had your story in your first post, I didn't get the chance to see it! You deleted it!!<p>What little info you did give, said you got an email from you WH? Tell us more. You said you were trying to not get your hopes up, but evidently he must have said something that did just that. We aren't trained experts, but we can at least give our opinions [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

I'm sorry Daybreak. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] really. Thanks for getting our attention. This is such a difficult time of year for many of us.

Well,<p>Do you consider yourself in Plan A or Plan B?
Or something in between?<p>Have you been seperated for 11 months?<p>I assume that the A is ongoing, does your H have a lawyer? Have papers been filed? Do you have children together? If so, I am sure the holidays are effecting him as well, it is hard to be away from your children at this time.<p>I know I am asking alot of questions, just trying to get a feel for your situation. You see, I am not the wisest person here, but I am sorry that you are going through such a difficult time. Everyone here is going through such pain, I am sorry you have to be here as well. <p>You said he used the D word alot, do you think he is set on this path or that he is starting to waiver and wonder if he is making a huge mistake?
Do you have plans to see each other over the holidays?<p>I have to work for a while now, but I will check back here in about an hour. If you can, post some details about your situation, the more we know, the more relevant input we can give.<p>Needing

will post more in just a minute, bedtime for youngest daughter

Hey to all, am sorry for the desperate measures to get attention, I am not very proud of myself.<p>In nutshell:<p>WH A is still going on EA perhaps did go PA don't think so though, WH is in AL going to school.<p>OW is in FL, WH seen her in Nov before going to school will see her again this weekend. Before coming to SD to see kids.<p>Husband wrote:
"I realize I have caused you much stress and
> apologize. I too am going through much of the same
> feelings you are. I'd like to go over the divorce
> papers while I'm there. I have plenty of my own
> problems and want to be able to move on with my
> life. While you have the full support of your
> family, I don't, and I can deal with that. You have
> the kids (I know about the problems and all, but
> they are with you). I have OW's (did use her name ugh!) love, but our
> being apart is just another stress. Again, I want
> to get the divorce done as quickly and as painless
> as possible."<p>I think I responded in a good way without LBing, although I wanted to big time. Did I answer correctly?<p>"I am sorry that you are having some problems and I do
mean that from the heart, I don't care to see someone
that I love hurting.<p>Yes I do have the kids and that is a blessing that I
appreciate it, I can't imagine not having them with
me, that would be so hard.<p>Yes there will be lots of people and things going on
around here and I don't expect you to take a low
profile unless that is what you want to do. You are
the kids father and you have a right to be here and to
celebrate with them. There will have to be some
adjustments made so that everyone is comfortable......
I do hope that you did good on your last test. I am
sorry that you didn't strive to ace the academy, but
can understand, I know that you are so capable. I am
so very proud of where you have come in your career.
So far from that FLAPP that I use to know!!!"<p>Let me have it, Am I reading to much into this?<p>It is the only time that he has shown how this is effecting him.<p>I think OW may not be happy as she was hoping to move to Utah were WH lives.<p>He is military and is stationed there, kids and I moved home to SD when he moved there in Aug, have been seperated since then.<p>Thanks Dawn<p> <p>WH[B][/B]<p>[ December 10, 2001: Message edited by: daybreak ]</p>

Hi Dawn,<p>Well he sounds like he wants to understand his situation and seems like he wants pity. 'you have the kids and he doesn't have anyone'. <p>That was his choice. Your response sounded honest. Since he knows you well I think he will understand your thoughts. I think they were fine. <p>Dawn, IMHO he still has a ways to go. The OW is stil too accessible and desireable. That green grass on the other side of the hill thingy.... What he does not see are all the weeds that look green but full of thorns. <p>For now you need to be strong for you and your family. I know you know this and have been doing that but in time, he will see who is really there for him. He is still desiring to be with OW and even calls it love. That is disrespectful to you but he is too fogged out to know he is being rude. <p>You are a strong person to take that and still be there for him. It is rough to be patient at a time like this but the WS' are not up to pleasing their families right now. <p>Hugz, for you and your family. <p>L.

daybreak...I am sorry I was caught up with the Terri thing...I always try to post to you...you were one of the first people to post to me way back when...<p>please feel free to email me whenever...I promise I will answer...<p>InShockInCali@excite.com<p>Cali [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]

Thanks Orchid,<p>How are you doing tonight?

See, I told you there were some very wise caring people here, but apparently you have been around longer than me and already know that. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I think your response was great...way better than I would have done.<p>Why did you move to SD when H got stationed in UT. Was it because of the A, or for other reasons. Just wondering, I am guessing that you and the kids moving to be with him is out of the question. <p>Well, I work from home and need to get back at it. I will check in again before bedtime though.<p>Needing

Hey to all, am sorry for the desperate measures to get attention
Remember when you post, just because you want or desperately need an answer right now, there may not be anyone else around to reply.

Hi Dawn,<p>Oh....guess I am ok. Having good and bad days like all of us here. Been helping a some for a few days. Trying to shake off the flu or something. I am extremely tired right now. <p>H & I have not had our talk yet. He is off to work this evening so this evening is shot.....will try again tomorrow. See I have been working late and he has been on all those odd hours (on call courier)... Almost like 2 ships passing in the night with fog!!! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I wanted to let you know that I do care about you and what you are going through. I tried to imagine what I would do if I were in your situation but I am afraid that I would not be as nice. <p>I remember the UT trip,, so much has happened since then......?!??!<p>Take Care and don't give up on us, we might be a little slow but we are fairly steady here. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>lhm<p>[ December 10, 2001: Message edited by: Orchid ]</p>

Daybreak,<p>I read your thread several times. I opened a reply window several times as well. But I just couldn't bring myself to type what I was thinking. I haven't been around here for very long, and I wouldn't claim to know anything about ANYTHING. But I didn't want my words to cause you any more pain than you already had....I was hoping someone who's more sensitive than I would be able to find a way to relate what I was thinking.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>I realize I have caused you much stress and apologize. I too am going through much of the same feelings you are. I'd like to go over the divorce papers while I'm there. I have plenty of my own problems and want to be able to move on with my life. While you have the full support of your family, I don't, and I can deal with that. You have the kids (I know about the problems and all, but they are with you). I have OW's (did use her name ugh!) love, but our being apart is just another stress. Again, I want to get the divorce done as quickly and as painless as possible. <hr></blockquote><p>I agree that he's looking for pity from you. But I just don't see anything that to me indicates any clearing of the fog. Maybe you're talking about the fact that he acknoledges that he's hurt you and has apologized. But in the very next breath, he's talking about the love that he has from "UGH". Not once, but twice, he makes a point that he wants to get on with his life, and wants the divorce over as quickly as possible.... this could certainly be fog talk, but when my WS says it, it sure feels REAL.<p>I guess what I'm trying to say (and I'm sorry for this) is that yes, I think you've read too much (good) into his email. Now, like I said earlier, I don't know crap right now, so certainly take this with a grain of salt.<p>I still don't want to click that little button below, but I guess if I'm going to be the straight shooter that I'm aspiring to be, then I just need to. I'm sorry if my words hurt you. Please don't think that I (or anyone else here) was ignoring you. It's just that your post (like a lot of others in the last couple of days) has been VERY hard to answer.<p>God bless,
Kev

kevco,<p>You didn't hurt my feelings, don't worry!!!<p>Yes it sure does feel real when he says these things.<p>I wonder as he says he is sorry and then spurts how much he loves her, is he trying to justify himself to me or to him self?<p>I know how much he thinks he wants a divorce.<p>This was a first for him to acknowledge any feelings about any of this, I thought that he just didn't care about any of it. <p>I haven't done a great plan A by any means, but I do try to be nice through all my pain to him, at least I know that I will be ok with how I conducted myself in his affair. And that I feel good about.<p>Dawn