I firmly believe that my H had a EA/PA with his secretary. Probably happened 1998??<p>The problem:<p>When H confessed all his A's he finally said after confessing to 4 that he couldn't confess anymore.<p>Why?<p>His reasoning:<p>Too many people involved, he already screwed up our marriage he wasn't goimh to screw up anyone else's. It didn't matter if I left him because of his not telling, he just wouldn't tell anymore.<p>Obviously I assumed it was someone I knew, and someone that would be very destroyed if I found out.<p>Well, my H had 2 A's with previous secretaries. It just so happens that my H's last secretary recently married my H's brother & now they have a baby.<p>My H is all about HIS family (not me & the kids).<p>I know he would do anything to protect his family. I asume that his brother has no idea about the A with his wife (she wasn't married to him at the time, but was engaged to someone else).<p>I know if the "truth" ever cam out my in laws & my BIL would never look at my H again & would probably have a hard time with the new DIL/SIL.<p>My H has denied it, but has also said what difference would it make? Similar apttern to other denials that proved to be true.<p>My dilema??<p>I need to know.<p>Why?<p>Because I need H to prove to me that I am more important than anyone else.<p>Isn't this all about the truth? I want to know that he finally put everything else "under" US.<p>I know he is afraid that I will tell the entire family. I'm not sure what I would do.<p>I am suffering & I am angry that all these immoral people have been able to get on with their lives & aren't in pain like me.<p>I don't want my BIL to be hurt, but I would probably let my new SIL know how I feel about her without letting anyone else get involved.<p>
Sorry so long... Any advice...It's really keeping me from moving forward with the H.

I'm not sure how MB like this is, but I would at least tell the new SIL that you know about her and your H. You don't need to talk to anyone else about it, but her knowing that you know, well, that should be justice in itself (at least offer you some closure). But that's only if you're pretty darn certain (and I would probably mention how she wasn't the only one).<p>As far as your H putting you and the kids above everyone else, that as you know, will take time. The best you can do is to show him by example, tell him what your needs are, and ideally he will meet those needs for you. Should he not, then that is where you are back to making other choices - to continue with your M or not. But that drastic step is very far away from you still.<p>I feel for you and the awkward situation you are in. Especially if your SIL turns out to be one of the OW... wow! You can't dump family like you can friends. sigh!<p>I hope others have more sound advice for you. I will admit, I need some MB concept refreshers. I'm going back to my old revenge type instincts again [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Karen

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Topie25:
<strong>I'm not sure how MB like this is, but I would at least tell the new SIL that you know about her and your H. You don't need to talk to anyone else about it, but her knowing that you know, well, that should be justice in itself (at least offer you some closure). But that's only if you're pretty darn certain (and I would probably mention how she wasn't the only one).<p>As far as your H putting you and the kids above everyone else, that as you know, will take time. The best you can do is to show him by example, tell him what your needs are, and ideally he will meet those needs for you. Should he not, then that is where you are back to making other choices - to continue with your M or not. But that drastic step is very far away from you still.<p>I feel for you and the awkward situation you are in. Especially if your SIL turns out to be one of the OW... wow! You can't dump family like you can friends. sigh!<p>I hope others have more sound advice for you. I will admit, I need some MB concept refreshers. I'm going back to my old revenge type instincts again [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Karen</strong><hr></blockquote>

Sorry Karen:<p>I did reply, but it somehowot lost.<p>
Anyone else out there with advice????

I would talk to SIL. In a nonconfrontational way. You really don't want her going to her husband and accussing you of accussing her and her denying it, that will cause family problems. Or you could tell your H that you know it was her and watch for his reaction to see if it's true or not.
I have to say that you have handled alot more than I ever would. One affair I could live with but multiples is completely disrespectful to myself.
You are obvioulsy alot stronger than you probably give yourself credit for.
I noticed your suicide attempts in the past. I hope by now you truely realize that's not the answer. You are a mother and an individual. I'm sure your marriage has you hurting enormously. Maybe a break would do you some good. I'm not suggesting a divorce but some time apart. Your first obligation to yourself and your children should be to take care of you first.
I wish you the best.