Hi all,<p>I had a plan B letter ready to be delivered on Monday. The person who was meant to see H didn't see him after all, so H never received it.
H came and dropped off the kids on Monday. I had read earlier it's not a good idea to hand it to WS personally, so didn't do it. H was also very polite(just a few days earlier he had called me and was very angry)He turned up with the kids sleeping on the back seat and I went out to help him and was very nice, but kept all the discussion short. Couple of yes and nos here and there and thanks. H was wearing a very special shirt I had bought him on our honeymoon. He looked old, tired and unhappy. OS was crying in bed and H was kneeling by him and crying too. H left crying. An hour later came a text msg, asking if he could have them visiting soon again. I replied on the next day and added some news how the boys were doing and told him we were busy with other plans this weekend, but maybe on the following week he could see them.
Today I got a reply. Nothing about the boys, no hi or hello, just asking if I have paid the visa bill!! Very cold and uncaring again, but somehow it looks he's conciously trying very hard to be that way.It hurt me he wasn't mentioning the kids at all. Well I emailed my answers back. At first I made a real blow up type of letter then deleted it (good!) and sent an other one with just "Yes.Yes. Have a good day.< >
Probably it will make him mad. Not my problem. I posted the plan B letter today. He'll get it in the next day or two.
On Monday I sensed something's up, H is starting to crumble, I am not sure. One thing's for sure the happier I become the angrier he gets.<p>I'll keep you informed...

It's truly amazing how things change when a WS has to experience the consequences of their poor marital behavior. Stay strong and keep up the good work!

You Rock, Bears!<p>Good job, keep those replys short, succinct and to the point, be pleasant but do not offer extras.<p>You are in Plan B, if necessary, you are ready to move forward alone. <p>Sounds like your H is making his own progress as well, FOG lifts and it's not pretty, BUT to change, his pain of staying the same has to be greater than the pain to change. (to quote our Honorable BrambleRose [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] )<p>Stay the course, Bears. We're here and watching.<p>Oh .. wait, and be sure to get that Plan B letter to him ASAP, Bears. He needs to know what you're doing and what his options are IN WRITING.<p>Love,
Jo<p>[ December 12, 2001: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>

Mthrrhbard,
Thanks for encouriging words. There are changes in H's behavior, but he makes sure all the time it won't be seen and if he fails at all, he tries extra hard after that. To make sure it looks like he doesn't care and I don't get a wrong idea.<p>Jo,
Plan B letter has been posted today in the snailmail. Waiting for the fireworks now...
I got one more email from H today. Still asking about the visa bills. I got a card on Hs account and he wants it paid off now. I am struggling, and he seems to hold it as a justification for me not being so good with the finances, so no wonder I am no good as a wife either!!! I am trying to find a way to get it paid off, as it seems to be a sort of LB at the moment. But I am sure even with the bills paid, he would find some other flaws in me.
Also whenever he knows I have some outings coming up the pressure about paying starts...
If I stay at home he moans I'm hanging off from him and not getting a life and when I go and do things, I shouldn't because I can't afford. Talk about controlling...
Do I feel like blowing up sometimes and just sending all my stuff to his front yard and taking the kids to home.You bet. Being on the other side of the world sucks big time.<p>But now, I'll give it a few more months, H is very clear MLC case, and in 6 months this has been going on for 2 years. In that time frame the A should be over too.Anyone, any experience about MLC, how long can it take?<p>Take care Jo, I read your thread about the e-mails to your exH. You truly are so resilient to put up with all that. And still have the strenght to offer so much help here.

Gosh, he does sound controlling. Bears, you have such good insight, seems you have a solid handle on what he's all about.<p>As far as a MLC, I have no idea the max duration. I'll look around for a good informative Web Site for you tho.<p>Is there a relative or good, caring, trustworthy friend you can borrow the money from to pay the Visa off? That way no interest.<p>And I think you're right, I believe your H would just find something else to needle you with. Personally, I think he is trying to appease his guilt by finding things wrong with you, I mean from his view point, you have to appear flawed in order for him to justify what he's doing.<p>Yeah, get ready for his anger blow up when receiving the Plan B letter, it seems that's the trend when the WS receives one. That, and accusations of manipulation. Just stick to your guns with the least contact possible, and continue to be cordial, LB-less. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Best to you, Bear. I'll keep an eye out for your Plan B reaction update.<p>Jo<p>[ December 12, 2001: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>