Hi all,<p>Just a quick update that might be somewhat inspiring to those folks suffering through the slings and arrows of Plan A....<p>I've been a plan A'ing my butt of lately. Lately, WW has been late at times, secretive, saying lots of nasty fogese, etc. I've been taking it all in stride with dignity and grace. Our C commented to me last time that I'm some sort of amazing guy for doing what I'm doing - that I deserve a lot of credit. (She's obviously not overly familiar with MB - but certainly understands personal dynamics. It's interesting to note that last time I talked to her, she admitted that she thought I might need something like Plan B at some point - WW is so incredibly paralyzed - getting her cake and eating it too.)<p>So last night, WW was talking to her nutty friend on the phone in the bathroom. I was in the bedroom and overheard some of the converstation.. it sounds like WW and OM are having a major "tiff" - WW said that he "really p!ssed her off" and that things weren't going all that well. Well, glory be! A bit of reality! She'd always portrayed him in such a positive light, I honestly began to wonder if their relationship might suffer the same kinds of frailties that other affairs end up having. Well, I think I'm starting to get my answer. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Yes, I think that the things that went into MAKING the affair lead to its DESTRUCTION. In my case, it's WW's incredible degree of selfishness. OM has been supporting it, but he will reach a point where he too will feel like he's trying to support the weight of the world. Also, the thoughtlessness and deceit that went into it are likely going to eat away at it more and more. And not to mention WW's incredible sense of indecision.. Which I think in part is fueled by my attitude, my air of happiness and confidence, being satisfied with "everything just as it is" (yes, even the lack of SF!!). A zero pressure environment. Whereas I'm certain that OM is likely starting to lose patience - his "philospophy of needing" is now starting to catch up with them, and my "philospophy of preference" is helping me seem more and more attractive - far less pressure, far more poise and independence (something that she claims was very attractive in OM, but now might be fading as he becomes clingier).<p>Of course, this is a rollercoaster - I expect the worse now, as is the usual course. However, I at least see those cracks starting to form. WW and I in our 13 years together so rarely argued or fought that hearing that her and OM are starting to do it, clearly puts a smile on my face. Even if things don't work out for us in Plan A, I feel more and more confident that she'll get a real slap from reality when OM shows more and more of his real colors and I'm nowhere to be found. (I find myself more and more detached from the situation - like an observer - the slow road towards acceptance, and Plan B.)

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Way to go J.R.!!! You ROCK!!!!<p>MOM

JR you are a Plan A GOD!!! Well done, love! That deserves 4 snaps in a Z Formation! (which, btw, is an obscure "In Living Color" reference. Not sure if anyone remembers that show or not? Oh dear, I think I need sleep)<p>Anyway, excellent to hear your update and keep up the good work! <p>love,
VE

Thanks to both of you!!<p>I don't want to sound too overly optimistic - that's just likely going to get me disappointed later.<p>But I think it is important to see that YES, this A is not a lot different from other textbook A's - it will likely die also.<p>The scary part that I'm sure most of us have to come to terms with is "what if it isn't?" "what if it's the 'real thing' for WS, and will last their lifetime?"<p>Well, if it is, so be it... to build a life-long happy future on the back of betrayal, deceit, thoughtlessness, selfishness, pain, delusion, ignorance, etc. - they'll reap what they sow. There's no getting around that for anyone, I have to believe.<p>I'm reaping what I've sown in some ways, I guess. I look at it as a time to plant a new field, though. Got me some work to do!!

J.R.,<p>Although I'm not a big believer in Plan A (didn't work for me AT ALL), I respect your right to choose to Plan A your W. Please be aware, though, that your W is gonna have to have many more "tiffs" with her lover before it starts to get old. If they are in that tight, one fight isn't going to destroy the EMR. Once the fighting gets old and your W figures out that there's nothing special about this guy, that's when the EMR generally wanes and ends. <p>To quote Bette Davis in All About Eve: "Fasten your seatbelts. We're in for a bumpy ride."<p>belld