My wife is leaving on Sunday back to Croatia where she was born for two weeks. She is going to stay with her best friend and she will see her grandparents. The counselor suggested she get away since her other man will be leaving her work next week. My wife hasn't said anything about she wants to work on the relationship and it has been 2 months now since I caught her.
The counselor has told me not to ask any questions in between now and the time she goes on the trip. My wife did ask me to take her to the airport and pick her up. Not sure if that means anything at all.
The counselor said for me to stop chasing her because she is the one that screwed up. That she needs to chase me. So is there anything I say before she leaves for the trip? I did ask her to take my copy of Fall In Love, Stay In love book with her. I asked her if she could read it before talking with her best friend about what has happened. I think if she reads the book it might help open her eyes like it has done to me. She told me she would take it with now if she reads it that is another story.
So does anyone else suggest anything I should or shouldn't say? Pretty much this is the time that is going to determine if she wants to try or not try in the relationship. I feel as if I need to lay my side out there but not sound to desperate when doing it. Need some good advice so she understands how I feel. Do I tell her I am hurt bad in all of this but if we both try with counseling we can get through this? Her biggest problem is she doesn't feel the love there on her side right now...So hard...

Hi CG,<p>I'm sorry about what you've been thru. I would not say anything other than you love her and hope she has a good vacation. You really can't control any of this, CG. Your W has to learn things for herself, and if you have read Harley's books you'll know that most A's meet their own natural deaths within 6 mos to two years. <p>It might be good for you to get a break from her for a term. You can then build your strength for more Plan A when she returns. Come here as much as you need and we'll help you. We have very wise, caring and experienced people here. <p>Take good care, CG.<p>Lv,
Jo<p>[ December 13, 2001: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>

It's hard to reply to this because you know your situation better than anyone else. Why do you think this is the time she will decide whether or not to try? With OM leaving, she will need to go through the withdrawal period (I've heard at least 3 weeks) and then she may begin to be more open to your overtures.<p>I think trying to lay everything out for her before she leaves will be ineffective. She is not ready to address your issues right now and is trying to clear her head somewhat. Laying out all of your emotions and wishes for your M will likely only push her away right now, and make her feel worse about your M.<p>I am in exactly the same situation you are in and it is very difficult not to request answers to all your questions. It just won't happen now. I know this, and yet it is still so hard not to push things. This is a major LB right now so I force myself not to do it.<p>My advice: Talk to her about what a great time she will have seeing her friends and family, and let her know how happy you are that she'll have a chance to get a break for the next 2 weeks. Tell her it will give you some time to finish some projects around the house. Try not to make her feel guilty for leaving you at this time. I wouldn't mention anything more about reading the book either.<p>If you lay too much on her before she leaves, this will make her feel worse and this is not the impression you want to leave right now. Try to have some fun this weekend (maybe make dinner for her on Saturday), then drive her to the airport on Sunday. Tell her you love her, you'll miss her and you hope she has a great time.
The funny thing is, it is easier for me to identify how others might best respond in their situations, than it is for me in my own. It's easier to understand than to implement. We just need to keep trying.

Tell her you love her and you hope she has a restful vacation. That's all. I think that will go a LOT further than trying to explain all of the emotions and try to "win her over" at this point. Give her and yourself that break. JMHO.
MOM

I think I would write her a letter. Tell her how much you love her and other nice things.<p>Tell her to read it on the plane and anyother time she is missing you!<p>stay strong<p>
SLH