It was almost as if I could hear every single one of you cheering me on tonight. THAT is how much you all help me. Don't know if I tell everyone often enough, but the support I get here means the world to me. Bless you all. <p>After my H's extreme fogese behaviour on the weekend/Monday (lying and then blaming me/getting angry with me for telling him I knew he was lying. I know, MAJOR LB! Sorry!) Things have been a bit rocky. He asked to come over on Tuesday night. He didn't say it was a date; said he needed some paperwork, so I wasn't expecting more. As it turned out, we went out to eat. After dinner, I asked if he wanted to go home and he suggested we play pool and have a few drinks. I was cool with that. Didn't mention his lie once the whole night and Plan A'd my bum off. We had a good time and I hugged him goodbye before he left. Just as he got into the cab, he asked what I was doing Thursday night. I said I had planned on doing some shopping and he said, "Well, that's good for me. Shall we go together?" <p>I was stunned. "Surely it's not possible?", I thought. TWO nights together in one week? Shock! Horror! How could I resist an extra night to Plan A myself silly?<p>So before I met him at the mall tonight, I did a complete over-haul on myself. Squeezed into my new black trousers, slipped on my slinky new deep v-neck cashmere sweater, put on my sexy boots and my wonderbra from hell. Stopped for a minute and looked at myself in the mirror and thought, "WOW! I look GOOD!" (I've been recommending the Infidelity Diet to all my friends, btw! I've lost nearly 35 lbs since Dday. I know it's not healthy, but I secretly love it). We met at the mall, did lots of shopping together, had a great time and laughed and talked about his work and my driving lessons. Not a single mention from me about OW or the M. Not a single LB to be seen for miles. I was me at my best. And I was looking good to boot. <p>Afterward, we took the bus back to his house and he suggested we go to the pub for dinner. When we got there, he mentioned that some new friends of his from work live around the corner and wondered if he should call them and invite them over for a few drinks. I felt this was pretty big, really. They haven't met me, and I don't even know if they know he has a W. I felt quite good that he was willing to let me in on this new part of his life. Again, WOW! As it turns out, they were stuck in for the night and couldn't come, so we were on our own. Kept the conversation going, smiled a lot, laughed. Lovely. <p>I got up to use the bathroom at one point and made an effort to "slink" back to our table with my new figure as much as I could. It worked. He saw it. He saw me. And I could see him looking me up and down with "that look". Chalk one up for Venus!<p>So then back to his place - noticed the picture of him and I was still there in his bedroom. Thank God for that! We had a cup of tea and I could sense he was a bit uncomfortable, so I decided to call a taxi home. As we waited for it, I swear you could cut the tension with a knife. He wasn't talking, and I was consumed with thoughts of making love to him. Not sure why he was uncomfortable, but I'm telling myself it was because he was extremely attracted to me tonight and didn't know what to do with those feelings. <p>The taxi finally showed up and I said, jokingly, "just in time". He just looked at me and smiled and said, "Are you tired?" I looked at him, smiled back and said, "Yea. I am."<p>Gave him a hug before I left and kissed him on the cheek. Could feel the tears coming and tried to hold them back, but one got away. I looked him in the eye and said, "I love you very much. You take care." He stopped me and asked, very sweetly, if I was okay. I smiled at him and said, "Yes. I'm fine, honey."<p>He walked me to the door and stood there as I left. I got out to the taxi, put all my shopping bags in and then couldn't resist. My tears were coming now, but I did it anyway. Turned right back around and walked over to him. I said, "You know that letter I wrote you last week? Every single word came from my heart. I meant all of it.". He looked at me with a face I haven't seen in a long time and said, "I know." We then leaned into each other and kissed. It wasn't me kissing him, it was us kissing each other. I touched his face and said, "I love you with all my heart and soul. I always will." He smiled the smile that melts my heart. I walked away, got into the cab and looked back at the door. It was closed, but I could see his shadow thru the window, still at the door; possibly leaning against the wall and bent over a bit. Just standing there. <p>I pulled myself together on the ride home, as I didn't want to blub for the taxi driver. No sooner had I got home when my phone rang. It was my H. Sweet voice again, "Hi. How are you? You're not asleep yet?" I said no and that I just got in and was trying to warm up the house. He was quiet for a minute. I sensed he wanted to say something but couldn't. Instead he told me a funny story about his brother and said he just wanted to share that with me because he knew I would appreciate it. I thanked him for the phone call and we said goodbye a thousand times before hanging up. <p>I burst into tears and just looked up at the ceiling and said, "THANK YOU!"<p>I know the rollercoaster has hit the top, and will go back down. But for right now, in this very moment, I am savouring every single moment of my joy. <p>God, grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. No truer words have ever been spoken. <p>love,
VE

OMG! I can hear KA..ching, Ka..ching, Ka..ching, all the way here in Gig Harbor, WA!!!<p>You filled his Love Bank, Honey!<p>I simply relish your Plan A stories, VE. <p>I want to ask you something, is this how you think you and H would be if you recovered your marriage? I mean, I know the euphoria wains, that's normal, but do you think you'd always remember what you've been thru right now, so you'd appreciate your marriage when and if you recover it?<p>You see VE, that question I just asked you is what your H is asking himself. He wants to make sure your changes are for real.<p>I think you did so good. You are so strong and have been thru so much hurt, but you have risen above it and made something good of it. You simply ROCK!<p>Love,
Jo<p>[ December 13, 2001: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>

VE,<p>What can I say? You said I was a Plan A God - well, howdy Plan A Goddess!!<p>Really, though, it's times like that that make suffering through this seem just a bit more bearable. I mean, I wouldn't wish this whole thing on my worst enemy, but if we have to endure it, getting these nuggets of happiness are incredible.<p>Let's keep this rolling!!!

Awesome V,<p>So Happy for you!!<p>Not only for the awesome Plan A tonight, but for being smart enough to understand the rollercoaster. You are so very smart!!<p>Dawn

V<p>You have done it again and you are great. I always can't wait to read your posts. You are going to win this one big V just give it time.<p>stay strong<p>
SLH

Way to go Venus! You are a Plan A queen! Great way to go out with H feeling and knowing you look great. What an ego booster and it almost sets the mood for the night. Keep it going.<p>Kathy

WoW! that sounds magnificent venus!!!<p>I am so happy, I have been following your posts for a while and definetly you are the plan A goddess I vow to you [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] .<p>Do not worry if the rollercoaster goes down, keep your head up, you have shown all the amazing things you can achieve if you believe in yourself. You are truly inspirational.

Thanks everyone! I feel really good today. I slept SO well last night, for the first time in a long time. Didn't wake up once. Go figure. <p>Resilient said: "I want to ask you something, is this how you think you and H would be if you recovered your marriage? I mean, I know the euphoria wains, that's normal, but do you think you'd always remember what you've been thru right now, so you'd appreciate your marriage when and if you recover it? You see VE, that question I just asked you is what your H is asking himself. He wants to make sure your changes are for real."<p>Absolutely!!! It was how it used to be when we were dating. Laughing, talking, checking each other out in "that way". It was all good, and I do believe, with all my heart that we can hold onto that. <p>Another thing I forgot to mention - I didn't ask him if he would be with OW this weekend. I am going to assume he is, because that's how it's always been since Dday. But I think not asking him helped the situation, because he had told me last week that he doesn't like my "questions". So I didn't ask any. The weekend will be tough for me, but I've got a lot of plans to go out and have fun. Despite that, I'm sure my rollercoaster will fall a bit and I'll probably be on here venting, I'm sure!<p>Thanks for your kind words everybody. Please pray for me and my H. We definitely need it. <p>love,
VE

V- By Golly I think you've got it! You are awesome!!! <p>Something you said was so interesting and so true in my own life. <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> Absolutely!!! It was how it used to be when we were dating. Laughing, talking, checking each other out in "that way". <hr></blockquote>
That is exactly how it was for my H and I while we were dating (five years) so why did it change so dramatically once we got married? For us, we had some major life changes in addition to the marriage, and I think we forgot about each other. I think I was especially guilty of that- I got so absorbed in the "game" of life that I forgot about my marriage. <p>Well, if nothing else comes of my H's affair within the first year of my marriage, it has taught me to never again take marriage for granted!!! <p>It makes me cringe to think about last Christmas and how wonderful it was (our first Christmas as H & W), but I also realize how uncompromising I was at that time and how we were headed in a downward direction. <p> So, yes, our H's once again need to become the center of our lives- just like when we were dating. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] We can do it. The key is to being aware and that is what MB has taught us!