I know this post won't be well received here, but I need to have my "side" of things heard. I was in an abusive relationship for years, but stayed because of the children. I finally found the strength to leave my husband, but my self-esteem was in shambles. A year after my divorce a MM I worked with started paying a lot of attention to me. We were both lonely and in great need of the affection neither of us were receiving. We have been emotionally involved for over a year, but have only been physical a few times because of the guilt it brought him. He and his wife have been in counseling for about 1/2 a year now. He has admitted having an affair (I'm at his 2nd), but has not admitted who the OW is. I am not going to defend the lovers of your spouses, but I do want you to understand where I am coming from. For the past year I have fought against loving this man. I have prayed for the strength to not answer his messages, to not love him, but it is a hard battle to fight. I see him & his wife continuing their seperate lives just like before, neither of them depositing any units into the love bank. I listen to her talk about him and there is only criticism in her voice. Even though I know he is relying on me to fill the emotional needs she doesn't I don't have the strength to end our friendship. I say friendship because we are only platonic friends now, but there is still an emotional connection between us that won't end unless we end all communication. Three weeks ago I told him that I couldn't go on with this anymore. It is so hard to pretend you don't care about someone when they are your world. It is so hard to live a lie and I can't do it anymore. I told him that we could no longer be friends because of the hurt it caused. His response was that he has to have me in his life. Christmas is coming soon. I don't expect any presents. I don't expect anything. I just want time away from him so that I can start the healing process. I cry for this man every night. I cry for the times together that we will never have and for the hurt that I have caused him. I cry because he is with her even though her heart is cold to him and she has publicly announced she wants to divorce him. I'm not an evil person, just one who is guilty of loving someone she shouldn't.

Hi Charlie,<p>To quote The Tubes, "What do you want from life?" It's up to you to make it happen - not the MM, not *any* man. <p>Once upon a time, I was the betrayed. Honestly? I'm sure that my H's XOW would have said the same things about me that you say about your MM's W. And she would have been pretty close to the knuckle. I was very bitter and angry and very mistrustful. It takes more than counseling for a marriage to get back on track - it takes the whole-hearted joint effort of each spouse to agree to STOP hurting the other. But most importantly, there must be absolutely no contact between the married person and the former lover. If there is, then the counseling is a joke and a waste of money. Your MM being in counseling with his W under the guise of "making it work" is akin to painting a beautiful picture - then immediately taking a razor blade and slashing it to shreds. MM is negating his efforts, and the efforts of his W. Deep down inside, his W knows that too and feels that she is being made a fool of. Trust me on this. All BW know when contact is still going on of any kind. It's so apparent in the MM's behavior, he may as well sky-write it.<p>In your case, it doesn't matter who threw the first punch. My guess is that the W in this picture is just as cold and bitter as her H; she is simply more vocal about it. He is unwilling to meet her needs and; ergo, she is unwilling to meet his. If someone kicked you in the teeth, would you want to shake hands with them? <p>I'm sorry I can't be of more help w/ respect to your situation ... I can only point out a few things that stand out to me. Sometimes in the cases of adultery, there can be no happily-ever-afters, it just goes round and round until somebody gets tired and walks out of the ring. I say this not with bitterness. Just being honest. <p>belld

Charlie Hi,<p>As I see it<p>You have had the courage to get out of an abusive marriage and that success must have made you stronger.<p>You are now free to rebuild your life as an individual.<p>You are attracted to the affection of a new relationship but he has guilt and IMHO you have done the right thing to put him on hold.<p>You are absolutely correct in your analysis "Three weeks ago I told him that I couldn't go on with this anymore. It is so hard to pretend you don't care about someone when they are your world. It is so hard to live a lie and I can't do it anymore."<p>His reply that "he has to have me(you) in his life" is weak and disrespectful to you. Does he really deserve you ?<p>His only decent course of action is to end his current marriage.<p>I was in his shoes once. I was scared stiff but I did face my wife. Finally, it wasn't too hard to agree that we had nothing left for each other.<p>Since I was the one to initiate things I paid up and gave gave her the house. Paid for our sons schooling and paid her enough to start over.<p>Everyone said that I didn't need to pay so much but for me my conscience was clear and I was free again.<p>Free to begin my life. Best thing I ever did.

I have just a couple of comments here. <p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>I see him & his wife continuing their seperate lives just like before, neither of them depositing any units into the love bank.<hr></blockquote><p>Let me draw a visual picture of this situation for you, ok (because I'm a guy, and we're generally visually oriented). Imagine a see-saw (a child's toy) with a bucket of water on either end. Your love bank account is one bucket, MM's wife's account is the other. MM is the see-saw. Now, imagine that your 5 gallon bucket is full of water, with no leaks. You're not making any deposits, but there are no leaks so the bucket remains full with 5 gallons of water.<p>Now look at the other bucket. In the bottom of the bucket, is a hole. That hole allows 3 gallons of water per day out of the bucket. Further, there's a lid (with your name on it) on the top of the bucket with a hole only big enough to allow 2 gallons of water in per day. NO MATTER how hard she may try, MM's wife cannot deposit more than 2 gallons of "water" per day, and with 3 gallons draining at the same time, her bucket will NEVER be filled.<p>Which direction do you suppose the see-saw is tilting? Why, towards you, of course. Even without your active participation.<p>The ONLY way that this balance can be changed is for either YOU or MM to remove your bucket from the see-saw. By doing that, it will allow the weight of his wife's empty to tilt the see-saw back towards her.<p>THEN, AND ONLY THEN will anybody in this love triangle know FOR SURE what is meant to be. Only then can MM truly understand his feelings for his wife. Only then can he make an intelligent decision about the state of his marriage.<p>If in the end, their marriage doesn't survive (and this SHOULD take MANY MONTHS to determine), then XMM will be free to find other happiness, but not until.<p>Besides, do you REALLY, REALLY want to base ANY relationship on the lies, deceit, sin, and immorality on which your current relationship IS based? Can YOU live with that? Can he? Does he have children? Understand the LIFE LONG effect this will have on them----I know, I'm the result of a marriage divided by adultry- even though I was 19 at the time. Look at your own children, and how they've suffered through YOUR divorce.<p>Nobody is denying the pain that you feel, and will continue to feel. I'm sure we've all been in love and had that love lost. I know that it hurts, and will for some time. But if you can remember back to one of those times, you'll also know that that hurt WILL pass. YOU CAN FIND HAPPINESS IN OTHER WAYS.<p>I have to disagree with OAW on one point:<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>His only decent course of action is to end his current marriage.<hr></blockquote><p>IMHO, MM's ONLY true, decent, moral, and REQUIRED (for any real healing of any party involved) course of action is to end your A, and to try to reconcile his marriage. There are no guarantees, and their marriage may not survive, but you should have NO part (direct or indirect) in that decision.<p>I'll get off of my soapbox now, but I do feel strongly about these types of topics. My intent was not to offend, just to shoot straight.<p>Kevin<p>[ December 14, 2001: Message edited by: kevco- ]</p>

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Charlie67:
<strong> I listen to her talk about him and there is only criticism in her voice. </strong><hr></blockquote><p>How are you listening to her talk about him? Are you pretending to be her friend?

So, has all contact ended? Do you work with him, as is most often the case.<p>Why are you so sure that her heart is cold to him. Has he told you this?<p>You say you only hear criticism when she speaks about him, do you know her, have you been face to face with her when she says these things.<p>Did she tell you she wants a divorce or did he tell you she said this?<p>I am asking these things because as a general rule, when men are having an affair, they lie. To everyone.<p>Needing

I have to second everything said by Kevco. Especially his statement that the only decent thing to do is remove yourself completely from this man and his marriage. There are numerous reasons why this is appropriate, and some have already been stated. I would add the following:<p>1. Statistics: Yes, they are often cold and people can play around with the numbers, but the well-accepted evidence is that only about 20% of people involved in affairs marry each other, and of those who do, 75% end up divorced.<p>2. These statistics make sense because the new relationship is built on deception, despite how much you think you love the other person. If he would cheat on his W with you, might he not eventually cheat on you if things started going badly (he already had a previous affair)? Would the two of you ever really trust each other?<p>3. If he has children, and especially if they know he left his family for you, don't you think they will always feel some resentment toward you. Kids, even after they reach adulthood, usually harbor hopes that their parents will get back together after a divorce.<p>4. He is putting on his best face for you (as you were probably doing for him) and when the real person comes out after you've been together for a while, he (and you) might realize the fantasy relationship you had is gone and what's left is not so hot.<p>Yikes!! Get out and end all contact with him. If things are meant to be between you, fate will intercede. If his marriage isn't going to work, let he and his wife find out on their own. Don't give him any false hopes that you will be there for him if he decides to divorce.

Read Lana Staheli's "Affair-Proof Your Marriage." It is not only about how to save your marriage, but it also has A LOT of information about affairs and the history of affairs.<p>I'd also recommend counseling for you...yeah...you were strong enough to get out of an abusive marriage...but why would you settle for a man who is already tied to someone else? all the other stuff (the whys) are just justifications...<p>Harriet Lerner's books are also good reads...The Dance of Deception...Dance of Connection...Dance of Intimacy...<p>Finally, I could give a rip why 'our' OW had a relationship with my H...bottomline...I want her out of my marriage...I had no chance of fixing it while there was contact...and she has NO ROOM to judge me...she only hears HIS side...plus only hears what she wants to hear....<p>Get out...Get whole...then look for someone WHO IS AVAILABLE...

Awesome visual Kevin !!! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>You have the power to put this whole mess in perspective...<p>You have shown strength..you can do it again..<p>If things don't work with his W & he returns to you (in many months or more) then good for you.<p>But you also need to look in the mirror & know that YOU are part of the problem & you need to put yourself in his W's place.<p>As you said you are not his first affair...Why did the other one end?

Dear OW,<p>I'll make this really short.<p>You are STILL in an abusive relationship! This man is using you for HIS needs. This 'dependency' on you to meet his emotional needs is keeping you from finding a lasting loving REAL relationship. <p>Dump him! He's abusing you, whether you realise it or not!<p>TNT

Hi charlie67. First I'd like to say that it took alot of courage for you to post here and I know that you are in a difficult situation. You obviously know that you must end the A first and foremost because he is a MM. I'm proud of you for having the courage to get out of the abusive relationship that you were in but this is just as abusive possibly even more painful emotionally. <p>You say that you speak to his wife this bothers me tremendously. This poor woman may look at you as her friend sharing things with you about her M and she has no clue that you are the OW involved with her H? Please end it now. As needing stated if he's lying to his W then he is also lying to you. Remember tis is not his first A. Sounds as though he's a real cakeman. Don't put yourself through this any longer. If his M is not meant to be then it will end whether you are in the picture or not. I will pray for you and wish you the best in ending this A.
God bless,
C

Charlie67<p>As you can see from the replies you have gotten so far, the people here are far too much aware of the dynamics of relationships and affairs to just blast you. We are from all sides of the affair triangle.. BS, WS and OP. The one thing we all have in common is a desire to improve ourselves, improve our relationship skills and save marriages. This is the Marriage Builders web site after all.<p>I commend you for making the right choice? and doing what is the healthiest for you. In writing this I am trying very hard to not make you feel attacked? it is not my intent. Instead my intent is to balance your post with a post from the BS's point of view.<p>In your life, your affair, and your MM's marriage. who ever stands up for his wife? I am sure that neither you nor he do. When he has been with you and you gave him the love and support he need, who was help her through her pain? Though she may not know outwardly of your affair, she probably does on some subconscious level, most BS's do. So that's the point of view I am taking. And it is one I believe in very much. For the record, I have been a BS in my previous and current marriages. I was also once an OP?. He lied to me about his marital status. {Also for the record? I broke it off with him as soon as I found out about the lies.}<p>Your post is full of anger, as though you want to get back at any BS. Perhaps we are symbolic of your MM's wife. But that's ok, we are tough skinned here. You are in pain and looking for support. Are you here to educate us on why our spouses have cheated on us? We are way beyond that. {By the way there are many WS's and OP's who post here too.}<p>RE: I am not going to defend the lovers of your spouses, but I do want you to understand where I am coming from.<p>You do well to not defend the lover of any spouse here on MB. We would not accept that here, nor should you. There is NO EXCUSE for having an affair. While the state of the marriage falls into the lap of both spouses, the choice to lie, betray, steal community assets and time, expose the BS to STD's, and on and on is the sole choice and responsibility of the WS. The choice to be a coconspirator in the betrayal with a MM/MW is the sole responsibility of the OP. The WS & OP, through their choices, has chosen to directly harm the BS with no regards what so ever to the BS. <p>Why do you speak negatively and angrily about his wife? Has she directly harmed you? Well, except to be married to the man you are having an affair with? Does this woman think your are her friend? It sounds like she is because she talks to you about her H. Are you betraying her in that way too? <p>The lesson I get from your post is that my husband cheated on me because I was somehow not a 'good wife'. And that my ex-H and my current H are somehow victims of my horrible behavior towards them. It's just is not that simple. The only two people who know what is going on in a marriage are the husband and wife. Unless ofcourse you are in the bedroom and alone with the married couple all the time. You should know this from your previous marriage.<p>From everything I've seen and read there are two basic types of people who have affairs.<p>One type of WS has issues that have nothing to do with their marriage: sexual addictions, drug/alcohol problems, and other personal problem. In this case, the WS will cheat no matter what their BS does or does not do. The WS has some personal issues that they are acting out? these have nothing to do with the marriage. This type of infidelity is very hard to deal with because the WS's personal issues have to be addressed before the marriage can be repaired. <p>The second type of WS is probably the more common. It occurs when a spouse is not having their most important emotional needs met. They seek out affairs to get them filled. The most interesting thing about these affairs is that usually neither spouse is meeting the other's emotional needs totally. Yet one of them cheats and the other does not.<p>It is true that not all marriages will, or should last 'till death do them part'. But there is a way to end them that does not rob either spouse of their self-esteem and rub their face in it. It is not fair or ethical to place the blame for all of the marital difficulties on one spouse. Instead each spouse needs to recognize HIS OR HER contribution to the state of the marriage. Then the couple needs to do everything in their power to recover the marriage. If after all the self-realization and marital work, the marriage fails then the couple gets a divorce. Then both of the ex-spouses are free to move on.<p>I suggest that you read the books "Surviving an Affair", "His Needs, Her Needs" and "Love Busters" by Dr. Harley (sold on this web site, amazon.com, and at any bookstore in the good old USA). These books give insight into why affairs occur and how to affair proof a relationship.<p>It seems to me that your affair falls under the 'needs not met' category. Though since he has had at least two affairs it might fall into the addiction type. You already know that the MM is capable of lying. For all you know you are not number 2. He has only admitted one affair to his wife. He has not admitted the affair with you to her. Why would he admit any others to you or her? You really have no idea how many affairs he has had. <p>The counseling MM and wife are doing is not going to work. Why? He is not committed to the marriage. As long as he has one foot out the door, he will not allow his wife fill his love bank (Kevco's water buckets analogy is great!!) As long as he is lying to his wife true intimacy cannot happen. By definition true intimacy means that both lovers (husband and wife) are totally open to each other. MM is not available to be emotionally and spiritually intimate with his wife. He will not be until he comes totally clean to her.<p>As others here have told you, it is very normal for a WS to tell the OP all sorts of ugly, negative things about their BS. Of course he is not going to tell you? this.......<p>_________<p>I have a beautiful loving wife. I married her because she is the most loving, kindest, etc etc woman I'd ever met. We have grown apart over the last few years. While I know that she shares in the current terrible state of our marriage I too have done my part to ruin a beautiful thing. I have done this by not meeting her needs for affection, conversation, recreational activity, etc etc. I have not followed the principles of care, time and honesty. I really don't take care of her anymore or protect her?.. You see I say all sorts of bad things about her to people. I unfairly dump responsibilities like leaving her to take care of the children while I have affairs and work long hours. We don't spend much time together anymore?. You see, again I spend a lot of my time having affairs and working hours, etc etc. I have also not been radically honest with her.. I lie about being faithful to her, about where I am, the money I spend on you, etc etc.<p>In addition I'm kinda abusive with her.. you see, she feels that something is going on, on some level she knows it. But when she asks me, I tell her that I love only her and could never have an affair. I could not live with myself if I ever cheated on you, my wife and the love of my life. (Those are exactly the words out of my EX-H's mouth. Said over and over to me while he was having an affair with Kathy. Or was it Terri? Or Ortencia? Oh?. There were so many I cannot recall which one. Does it matter? It was all a lie.) If she pushes the issue I tell her that she is jealous and becoming paranoid. If she REALLY pushes it, I make a diversion by yelling, throwing things? etc etc.<p>Oh, Charlie67, you don't know that I am a closet abuser? Sorry forgot to tell you. Yes, I only do it when not one else is around. And I never hurt her badly enough to leave a bruise or break a bone. A little yelling, a little arm-twisting and she backs down. Gets very timid for a few days and leaves me alone.<p>I'm also something of a conflict avoided. Instead of being honest and telling my wife exactly what I want and need. If she really loved me she'd know what I needed.<p>Charlie67, I want to have an affair with you because it will fill the five emotional needs my wife is not filling. When I am with you I will feel like you are the love of my life. I will treat you like a queen but not give you anything real. When I am with my wife, I will love her. I will probably tell you that my wife and I are not intimate any more? it's not the truth but it will make you feel better. I will also tell you awful, distorted things about her. This will help me feel better about this affair and it will help me get my anger out. It will also help me to have a shoulder to cry on and someone to be angry at her with me. Don't expect anything more from me. This is how the 'affair game' is played. And if you fall for me, well it's your concern not mine.<p>Charlie67, I'm so glad you are here for me when I need you. Please don't call me at home. I can only be available to you on my schedule. And please, keep our relationship a secret.<p>----------------<p>Charlie67, I know this hurts. But if he told you the truth you would have drop kicked him from day one. You know it. He had to lie to get you into the relationship. That's how it works.<p>Ok I realize that ALL of that made up conversation would not fit your situation. It fits my previous marriage to a tee. And from what you posted, some of it (except the physical abuse) fits your situation.<p>Now forget about the MM and his marriage. He is not available for you nor is he a good choice in a partner at this time. You are the one who is here on MB. I am very concerned about YOU. The reason I'm writing this is because like you, I was involved in a bad marriage. And I seem some similarity between us. I want very much to pass on to you what I have learned as that marriage was falling apart up to today. I've learned a lot about how to have a healthy relationship. Today I am re-married and very happy. Yes, we have a bit of a story but we've moved beyond that. I hope that what I say can help, even if in some small way.<p>You say you were in an abusive relationship for years but you stayed for the children. How did that help the children? How does it help children to see their father abuse their mother? It teaches children one of two things? to accept abuse or to be abused. I too was in an abusive relationship. I left as soon as I could legally leave and take my son with me. One of the strongest motivators I had for leaving was to teach my son some very important lesson?. How to deal with a bad situation while in the mist of it, that abuse is never excusable or acceptable, and that if a person is an abuser they will eventually loose the love of everyone they abuse? abuse is not worth it. Studies have shown that children suffer from divorce when the parents had a relatively stress and abuse free marriage. But where the marriage was full of abuse, fighting, etc. the children do better after a divorce. Why? Because at least part of their life can be calmer. They have a refuge from the fighting and contention. They can also usually spend more good time with each parent separately.<p>So it's hard to buy that you stayed for your children. Why else did you stay? This is something you need to explore in counseling or in self-reflection. I say this because the answer may tell you why you got involved with a MM. Your affair is an abusive relationship. It is almost 100% certain that this man is lying to you just as he is lying to his wife. The message is "you are fun and fill some of my needs but you are not good enough for me to make you the center of my life and to treat respectfully."<p>I too have experienced abusive relationships. After I left my EX-H I was in counseling at a battered spouses center. They asked me what my goal was for the counseling. My response as that I wanted to understand why I kept choosing abusive/toxic men so that I could avoid them in the future. I got my answer right then and there. The counselor told me that I did not choose these men, they chose me. . She said that it is not that I had a sign that said abuse me on my back. Instead the selection is done over a period of time, bit by bit. They chose me because I did not know how to set boundaries and also did not trust myself as to where to set the boundaries. A person who sets boundaries properly would have been gone as soon and the little abusive tests started. Instead I made excuses for his behavior or just pretended they that he did not mean them. And the toxic person does not know they are doing it. This is just a behavior they have learned, probably from an abusive parent. This revelation was life-altering for me. It seems that I was letting the toxic guys choose me instead of me choosing who I wanted to be with. Many of us will fall for anyone who pays us attention. It does not matter if we are beautiful or not, intelligent or not, etc etc. It matters only that we do not have enough self-esteem.<p>RE: A year after my divorce a MM I worked with started paying a lot of attention to me. <p>In your own words, you did not choose him. He chose you because you were needy. I have a friend who is a womanizer. He has told me point blank that he looks for women in bad marriages or recently divorced because their self-esteem is shot and they need attention so badly. They are easy picking. What was the story on the woman you MM had his last affair with?<p>Do you really want a relationship that is based on lies? Do you really want a man who can do this to his wife? Do you really want another abusive relationship? I don't think you do. I think that is why you are ending this relationship. Good for you. You deserve so much more then he is giving you. I hope you can find the strength to stay away from him. This relationship is toxic. <p>Something comes to mind. You have challenged us to see your side of the story. And I do see it. I see the pain you are in. I see that he offered you love and affection when you had none. The relationship boosted your self-esteem? at least for a while. But now you are on the down side? the cold turkey withdrawal and it's not any fun. I see all of that and I feel it for you. I've been there before too. I know it hurts terribly. But I also know that you can find the strength to move on.<p>So now I'll challenge you to stay here a while and talk to us and read what we have to say. Read the MB materials on this site. Read the books.

I want to thank ALL of you for your replies and I'll try to answer the questions that were brought up: MM, BS and I all work for the same company. We live in the same town and ocassionally see each other throughout our work day. I have contact with the BS through this work, but have never pretended to be her friend, only a work acquantance. I know about the previous affair because it happened with a friend of mine four years ago. It ended because my friend needed a real relationship, not the lie of being involved with him. The only critisicm he has ever said about his W is to say he doesn't get the caring from her that I give him. I was in a conference room with her and several others the day she said she wanted to divorce him. I was at a party last week when she talked about how he can't even hang up Christmas lights. His children are both over 18 and they know about the counseling.
You are all correct that all communication needs to cease between us. The bucket analogy is a wonderful one and I will keep it in mind.
You are all correct that I had the strength to leave one abusive relationship but that this is just another form of abuse. I need to somehow find the strength now to be ok with being alone and to not talk to him any more.
I have looked around this site for a few months. The harshness of never communicating with the MM shocked me at first, but it now makes sense. He needs to find his own path and I can't have any input in that decision.
Thank you all.
Charlie

RE: I was in a conference room with her and several others the day she said she wanted to divorce him. I was at a party last week when she talked about how he can't even hang up Christmas lights. “<p>OK, let’s look at this for a moment. Her marriage is on the rocks. She knows that he is not fully committed to the marriage and has been kept in the dark about the affair. The poor lady is probably besides herself trying to deal with this mess. Her talking about the xmas lights is one of those things like the tooth paste tube. It’s safer to talk about the small things then the big things.<p>Yes she is 50% responsible for the state of their marriage. But all the effort she may be putting into the relationship is for naught because he is playing her for a fool and not totally there.<p>How many people in your company suspect or know about your affair?

Just for the record and to answer Kevco's gentle rebuke. I understood Charlie had already unilateraly ended the A and was answering from Charlie's point of view that if anything was eventually to come of this (for her) it would only be after MM has ended his M. And yes I agree this should take time.

Older...yes, I have ended this, but I/we have ended this many times in the past year. It is a cyclical thing: we flirt a little, we flirt too much, our feelings/hormones go crazy, we feel guilt, we back up and say it won't happen again. I have hopefully stopped the cycle for good this time. <p>Z...She is hurting. Thank you for reminding me of her side of this. I will keep her feelings in mind and that will hopefully help me to not give in and talk to him again. Honestly, I don't how many people know about us. It is a small town, we are well known...rumors start if a man & woman talk to each other in the hall.

OAW- Thanks for the clarification! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Charlie- The emotions of nearly everyone here are VERY close to the surface, and often they come out in the form of abrasive or attacking dialog on this forum. Please know that MANY of us have no intent to do that, it just happens sometimes. We're all here trying to help each other through difficult times, while suffering through them ourselves.<p>I admire your courage in coming here and posting. I respect the effort that you are putting forth. And I will be here for support (and prayers) for you.<p>Kev

Thank you for your kind words Kevin.
I thought I could make it through today without talking to him--I had made it since Thursday, but when I got to work there was a flirty message from him. I deleted it, but the day got tough and I started missing him so I sent him a one word reply...he came back with what I would consider a flirtatious reply--he would say it is just the way we communicate...Tomorrow is another day and hopefully I will be stronger.

I don't know what kind of e-mail system you use, but on Outlook, there is a way to set up your office assistant to automatically delete certain incoming e-mails. Why not try that?

Charlie67 <p>You told him that you wanted no contact and he is still contacting you? He is being very disrespectful of your wishes. Sort of a "you really don't mean what you say" type thing.<p>I like the idea of blocking his emails.