What do you do when the progress in the relationship ends up in a &#8220;stalemate&#8221;. Basically, there has been no further progress in the past 4 weeks. My husband gives me my one phone call a day and comes by to visit almost every night with me and the kids. While I do enjoy the time he is spending with us, I don&#8217;t see it progressing any further. When he is visiting, it is more like he is at the house to use the computer to look up his Fantasy Football stats, watch a little TV with us and to play with the kids. There is very little conversation between he and I. I can see the positive in this by the fact that he is spending more time with us but now it is like he is perfectly content again with being able to spend at little time with us and then to come and go as he pleases. His only visits when he wants to and if I invite him over, he is usually has something else to do. While he appears content, I am frustrated. I feel like nothing I say or do is breaking any more ground for him to want to spend time with just me.<p>He is not meeting my important emotional needs and I have tried several different ways to tell him this and then we usually end up fighting about it. Thus, bringing us to a &#8220;stalemate&#8221;. He thinks he is doing enough by calling and coming by almost everyday and I need a little more.<p>Is it possible for me to end the &#8220;stalemate&#8221;? If so, HOW?

Michele,<p>You are meeting one of his most important needs: conversation. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Have you ever watched to guys communicate especially guys who have been friends for years. They will watch TV make comments about the plays called, or something tacky about a commercial. <p>THATS CONVERSATION! Seriously, not all guys do this, but I know even now when I am with old friends communciations is by action and short hand. A lot can be said, without saying much, especially among friends. <p>Is it possible he is treating you like a friend? Could be much worse Michele. I think you are making progress.<p>So settle back here, and see if he gets used to this. If so, then suggest that rather than come over and sit have something planned, minature golf or something. Take him with you and children to a movie. You will gradually get to him. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I tell people that this is a lot like fishing (I am a lousy fisherman, but I observe what the good ones do [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] ), you need to be in the right spot, have the right bait, present it well, and then have a ton of patience. <p>My bet is you got the spot figured out, I know you are the right bait (he married you [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] ), I know you have been working on the presentation, and there is that darned "patience" thing.<p>Hang in there.<p>God Bless,<p>JL

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by sballplyr:
<strong>What do you do when the progress in the relationship ends up in a "stalemate". Basically, there has been no further progress in the past 4 weeks. My husband gives me my one phone call a day and comes by to visit almost every night with me and the kids. Is it possible for me to end the stalemate? If so, HOW?</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Hi, Sballplyr,
I've not responded to one of your posts before. I hope I can give you some good advice!
My idea is to NOT be so available to him. If he comes by at the almost the same time every night, pick and choose to be there or not! Especially with the holidays and all, there could be plenty to do....sometimes don't be home when he gets there!<p>"Oh, sorry, hon, didn't know you'd be here at XXX time....we had to go shopping for gifts for kids' friends/school..."
"Uh, didn't I tell you we were going to a party? One of the kids' friends from school was having a little get together....sorry we missed you!" Maybe sometimes NO explanation of where you've gone.<p>If he's content with where his little "world" is right now, SHAKE IT UP a bit! Make him miss you instead of just ASSUMING you will always just "be there" for him to come and go at his whim. Not often, just once or twice a week or every 10 days. Keep him guessing! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Just a thought.....do you do a good Plan A when he is there? You have to continue to MAKE him feel secure and happy while he's there (yeah, I know - it SUX!!), so that he wants to spend more and MORE time with you. You alone.<p>Good luck,
Lupo