Like many of you I am really confused about taking my girlfriend/wife back after an affair.<p>We have been together for 4.5 years, Living together for 3 years. Just found out this year that she has been seeing a guy that she works with for the last 2 years. After the first 8 months she tried to end it but he cried and said that he would kill himself if she wasn't in his life. She continued to see him as 'friends' for lunches and an occasional visit to his boat to see if he is okay about 10 times in the last year and half. (this part is killing me) He would kiss her on the way out the door everytime. (no sex) She claims she did it to keep him from hurting himself or telling me. He would threaten 'are you ever going to tell him' when they saw each other.<p>My problems are these<p>1. She always wanted to get married. Always.
2. I said that I needed time to know for sure and finally this year I was shopping for a ring.
3. We just bought a house and she told him that she never wanted to see him again.
4. My parents and I get letters from this guy, but the fu@ed up thing about it is the letters are signed from some girl he was 'supposedly' engaged to.
5. My girlfriend knows that he sent them. Doubts that he was ever engaged.
6. Next I get a box from him at work with all of the gifts that she bought him. Not alot of stuff but enough to piss a guy off. Also in the box also was a detailed letter, from him, talking about how they started and some of the sexual acts they prefromed together.
7. When we started to have problems early in our relationship i asked her if we should see other people.. she would always say abosolutely not! you are the only man for me. This was while she was seeing him.
8. She saw him because she felt important and it was nice to be with someone that wanted her.<p>
I kicked her out for a week and her sorrow, promises of devotion, and her willingness to do whatever it takes.. killed me so i took her back. That was 3 months ago... I still can't get over this crap, I know that she is being honest with me, and she wants to start over.. she cries herself to sleep.. and when everything seems to be going fine i look at her and she starts to cry and tells me that i am the only person that she ever wanted to be with she just couldn't get out.<p>I have yelled at her, called her every name in the book. Threatened to leave almost every other day. <p>She started seeing a therapist, going to church. Even came home with a tatoo with my name on it.. She has read after the affair, wanted to do the mb workbooks, bought other books.. saves every reciept for dinners because she thinks each one might be the last. Lets me know multiple times everyday that she regrets it
and is so sorry for what she has done.<p>I have come to the decision to leave her, will wait until after the holidays. We will sell the house and get apartments. She crys and wants to know if we could ever work it out.. if I would come over for pizza and tv sometimes. I guess I do a love bust and tell her that I love her but why on god's green earth would i come back to a cheater after we are apart, go to your loser boyfriend you two deserve each other. She hates him, has had the police call him after he sent an e-mail and sent him one back telling him how pathetic he was and to never talk to her again.<p>She is a great girl, and claims that she would never do anything like this again.. i know she wont.. but the past has already happened and i have so many details and ask for more everyday. It's more of a pride thing i guess.. this could never happen to me. so now i make her pay and move on with my life. <p>Since we weren't married isn't it a blessing that I found out? No kids or marriage to worry about. How come I still want to be with her? is this worth it! I can't stand to think about this crap everyday.. a new life sounds good, without her doesn't.<p>
thanks for any advice.
sg

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by someguy:
<strong> After the first 8 months she tried to end it but he cried and said that he would kill himself if she wasn't in his life. <p> she wants to start over.. she cries herself to sleep.. and when everything seems to be going fine i look at her and she starts to cry and tells me that i am the only person that she ever wanted to be with she just couldn't get out.
</strong><hr></blockquote><p>SG-
Sheesh! I just don't really know what to say.<p>I think you should just read the above 2 statements. One about "him" and one about "her" behavior. Sounds about the same to me.....<p>She is on an emotional rollercoaster with him, which he will NOT let her off of, and YOU are on one with HER!!! <p>She tries to leave....he cries, threatens suicide, and she sticks it out.<p>YOU try to leave....she cries, pleads, etc.<p>I dunno. Maybe it's just me, but I'd be GONE before now.....and leave those two to each other. If she wants you, and you alone, and gets RID of him for good, then she'd know where to find you, right?<p>Good luck,
Lupo

The problem is that he is out of her life now. I'm left with the memories. <p>After reading some of the other posts on this board it looks like my situation isn't half as bad as the other people.<p>Love is a crappy thing. And we need to do the things in our life that make us the happiest we can under the circumstances.

First things first, Welcome to MB.<p>I'm afraid this is my first reply to someone here so I am not as well equiped to welcome you as others are. If you can find one of redhat's posts there are a number of great links in his signature. Please take a look at them.
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>How come I still want to be with her? is this worth it! I can't stand to think about this crap everyday.. a new life sounds good, without her doesn't.<hr></blockquote>Only you can make this decision. I know my W is living through the same things right now. The anger, resentment and lack of trust are tearing at us constantly. She is also in A right now so I have the same issues to deal with. I had to evaluate how important my M was to me.<p>Anger, resentment and lack of trust are issues that as redhat would say "only time and a fulfilling M can heal". I first had to look inside and find willingness to forgive and a desire to make my M work. If you can find thoes things inside yourself it is possible to get past this.<p>I am not going to tell anyone what to do, as I have made my share of mistakes in life. If I read your post correctly it apears that you think life would be better with her than without.<p>This is the conclusion I came to and what keeps me working on my M.<p>I know that if you look deeply inside yurself you will find the answers you are after. They may not be what you expect them to be, but they are there.<p>Best of luck,
Rev<p>My story is one long thread that can be found here: Need suggestions under Plan A/Plan B<p>[ December 16, 2001: Message edited by: rev ]</p>

I believe that you are making the right decision.
This woman has had the ability to lie, cheat and have sex with another man for two years while she was living with. Why would you believe anything she says like she went to visit him 10 times on his boats just to see if he is all right? Do you really believed she stopped having sex with him on the boat.
She put your health at risk for STD's for the past
two years while she was living with you. She clearly has the ability to fool you at any time if she chooses. Why would you even consider marrying someone and having children with her while she had the ability to sleep with another man while living with you. She sounds like she is sorry now or sorry for getting caught. She has shown you the defect in her moral character. I would suggest that you look for a marriage partner who is honest, respectful and someone you can trust totally with your heart. Your partner cheated on you for two years while sleeping in your bed.....
Thank God you found out before you got married and had children. Find someone else you can admire, love and respect. Good luck.

Hey SG:<p>My first reaction to your post was what a sick [censored] that other guy is!! Why would she continue to see him for any reason?? Sounds to me as if she was keeing her options open in case things didn't work out with you.<p>It is so much easier from the perspective of not being married or having kids to make the decision to leave. Clearly, you still have strong feelings for her and it appears you are not TOTALLY certain what course you want to take. Maybe splitting up for you to get through the grieving process is necessary. After that, if you still love her and would consider marrying her, perhaps the two of you could see a marriage counselor to determine if you can get past this long-standing betrayal.<p>I would be inclined to break it off, but only you can make that decision, of course. Good luck.

I am the girl that cheated on "someguy". I cannot believe that I did those things and became that person. I am very sorry for the pain that I have caused "someguy". The weird thing is that I spent my whole life wanting a man to love me for who I was, despite all my faults, and then when I find that one man, I cheat on him in the worst way and I ruin not only our future but his love and trust in me and my dreams of our future together. <p>I knew what I was doing was wrong, and "someguy" says that if I had truly felt bad (or bad enough) for what I was doing, I would have ended it. I guess it took a while for me to want to end it, but then after I tried the first time, I let myself get pulled back in with his cries of suicide and the fear that he would tell "someguy" what I had done. It was total selfishness from start to finish, from the time that I began the affair with the man until the time that it was over and I still hadn't told my boyfriend what I had done. I had sex with this guy earlier this year - I had gone to see him and he was very persistent and I felt like I was backed into a corner. There was no way that I wanted this guy to tell "someguy" my horrible secret. Even after he did tell him, I lied about certain things to "someguy" in an attempt to make it seem 'not so bad'. Sometimes I sit back and wonder how I could have been so weak and so 'bad'. The answers are so clear to me now - hindsight is 20-20. And I know how I would handle all of these things in the future - but I also know that that isn't going to be enough and I can understand that.<p>Now we are slated to go our separate ways after the holidays. This time (these past 3 months and the holidays) that my boyfriend has given me means the world to me. I wish that I could turn back the hands of time and change what I did, and I find myself sitting around lost in the thought of it all the time. I don't feel like I have given my boyfriend good reasons to stay and I know that he feels the same - no matter what I do in the future, there is nothing that can change what I did in the past. I would do anything to put us back together and live our lives together. I would be such a wonderful woman to him - I made such mistakes, but I am working through my problems and I am becoming a better person. I guess the selfishness that has plagued me for the last 2 years (or I guess maybe my whole life) continues to be present now. I know that I should make this as easy for him as possible, but I hurt so badly. I know, how dare I hurt after what I have done to him? I should let him go without incident to begin his new life. He has so much to offer and he has a bright future ahead of him. I just wish I knew how to let go. I know I let go 2 years ago and now I have to face the consequences - I just don't know how to do that. I want peace and happiness for him...

someguy,<p>You are in a place right now where most BS' are when they first find out about the affair: angry, bitter and consumed with fury at the WS. It is a kick in the teeth to find out the person that you loved and trusted would betray you in this way. Many of us here have been there. When I first read your post, I thought to myself that you were probably doing the right thing in moving on and cutting your losses because you are not even married yet. But then two things ocurred to me: <p>1. You are in a committed relationship just like a married person. The only difference is a matter of legality so the 2 relationships should be treated the same<p>2. Secondly, many many BS' have been RIGHT WHERE you are now but with the right amount of effort on both the part of the BS and the WS were able to completely recover and ended up loving each other MORE than they did before the affair. AND had a much healthier relationship AFTER the affair. This was the case in my marriage.<p>So my suggestion to you would be to NOT be so quick in throwing away this relationship if you still love her. There IS hope. This affair *IS* something that you can recover from. Perhaps the answer is to give it some time and IF you can restore trust and love in the relationship, AND your GF keeps her nose clean, THEN make a decision to either move forward or move on. But I would not just toss an otherwise valuable relationship without first trying to see if you CAN recover.<p>I will tell you that I was in a similar situation and felt EXACTLY as you do when I found out. I was DONE. PERIOD. End of story. I had been married for 4 months when I found out. He talked me into trying to fix it and I have to tell you that I am so glad I did. It took alot of work, but UNBELIEVABLY, we are happier and closer than we ever were. I do trust him now but I will never ever blindly trust anyone again, so I have taken steps to monitor his activities occasionally in order to VERIFY his trustworthiness.<p>If I were in your shoes, I would give it a year and see if you can recover. A year is a good amount of time for her to prove herself and for you to recover. If it does not work out, you can move on - if it does, you could consider marrying and starting fresh. <p>Anyway, those are my thoughts and whatever you decide, I wish you the best and please know that we are here for your support.

Somegirl,<p>I suggest that you do some reading on this site. If you go to the "just found out" section of this site and look for "Onegoing's" post you will find articles and some of the more significant posts here. Read them.<p> There are many things here that will apply to you. However, the most important thing you can do for you and the rest of your life is to understand why you made the choices you made. There is something there that you need to understand.<p>You see Someguy still has feelings for you, but there is no way in the world anyone would recommend he go back to you until you have a full understanding of your choices. Frankly, since you two aren't married and don't have children, most would recommend everyone moving on with their lives.<p>The people here that have gone through infidelity and decided to overcome it did so because they were married and made vows before God and families. They often also have children that are very important.<p>I would suggest to you that since you and Someguy have lived together for quite awhile and even bought a house together without deciding to get married, you two always had issues that needed to be addressed.<p>
My recommendation to you is to learn from this experience. I hope that Someguy does as well, but I doubt that he was perfect either. He just never chose to have an affair.<p>Somegirl and Someguy, learn from this. Do some reading here and read the Harley literature. There may come a time in your lives when you two cross paths again, but even if there is not make the best of this situation by becoming better people that understand the human condition better.<p>God Bless,<p>JL

P.S. Your pride *WILL* recover from this and is only temporarily bruised, but the loss of your girlfriend is PERMANENT if you end it. A year - 6 months from now your pride will not hurt anymore, just remember that.

Someguy:<p>I read your girlfriend's post and I can say she appears to regret her decision, is taking the blame for for choosing the affair, and is remorseful. While I do not suggest this is reason enough for you to continue the relationship, I would urge you to read more of the postings on this site. Many, perhaps most, of the WS's, while saying they are sorry for hurting the feelings of the other spouse, show little or no remorse for their actions, even after the A is over. It is often not until many months or even years have passed that they truly understand the devastation they have caused. My W still has not apologized for her A.<p>If she told you the A was no big deal, that he really didn't mean anything to her or that the A was your fault, I doubt that you'd be with her now. Instead, she seems to be saying all the right things that are necessary for recovery, assuming there is still any chance.<p>I think MelodyLane's insight is wise and you may want to delay any permanent decisions for a few more months. Tough stuff.

Someguy-<p>Let me give you a couple of observations.<p>First a couple of quotes from your post:<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>...why on god's green earth would i come back to a cheater after we are apart, go to your loser boyfriend you two deserve each other.<hr></blockquote><p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>She is a great girl...<hr></blockquote><p>Which is it? Is she a terrible person (the cheater)? or is she a great girl?<p>Let me throw a couple of statistics at you. Note that stats can be massaged to suit the purpose, and I have no idea the source, or measurement method. But these are from one of the myriade of infidelity books I've read over the last two months.<p>50% of people will engage in affairs. Now, since there are two people in every marriage and 1 out of 2 people have an affair, it doesn't look too good for ANY marriage. But these numbers are somewhat skewed by multiple affair havers....<p>80% of all marriages are touched by infidelity.<p>The world isn't black and white, no matter how much we want it to be (and I'm one of the worst!). I used to think quite similarly to you, if she cheats on me- SHE'S OUT! <p>But then I had an EA, and now my W is in a PA. And I love her all the more!<p>You have to look FORWARD, not backwards. Learn from the past, don't dwell upon it. Do you love this girl? Do you think she might have learned her lesson? Have you read everything on this site to "affair proof" your relationship for the future? Do you think you can get your obvious anger under control (by yourself, or with professional help)?<p>That last question is probably the most important. If you can control and get over your anger, forgiveness is possible. Otherwise, you'll probably just end up being that that you hate the most, a cheater.<p>Someguy- YOU do some soul searching, I believe that Somegirl is already doing some.<p>Kev

dear someguy:<p>Here are some of my rambling thoughts on this..
Hopefully you have read up on this site...and are familiar with the term Plan B...(which comes after plan A)
One common thread that appears to hold true here is that when someone is thinking about plan B but have to ask if they think it is time...the answer is that if you have to ask others or are really questioning if it is right...then you really aren't ready...
Perhaps asking complete strangers if you should leave someone bespeaks of it "not being time to"...that just perhaps, if leaving was really the right thing to do and deep deep down inside of you knew you could walk away having done all you can to save this relationship...you would already KNOW the answer...you would feel the answer...you would have walked by now...<p>Just the fact that you are hanging on till after the holidays leads to some thinking that there is some level of tolerance and interaction that is positive.
One thing that is really sad about your situation is that it appears this guy involved outside family members in your personal business..shame on him...what a crud...and there may even be pressure from outsiders to leave..."what kind of man puts up with that crap from a girlfriend/spouse?" Well lots of people put up with lots of stuff from those we love and we owe no explanation to anyone but ourselves and if and when we choose to stay with someone even knowing there faults..it can at times be a noble thing.<p>I will also tell you that forgiveness is not a feeling it is an action and a belief..that holds many facets to it...we all are capable of doing really hurtful things...but we are also capable of forgiving one another when we choose to..and choosing to forgive can hurt and frustrate the hell out of us...but it can be as much for ourselves as for the person being forgiven...
The fact is that the two of you may have been given one of the most valuable gifts in the world...the gift of knowing now early in your relationship..how precious marriage is...that some people go years and years together to be thrown into the most painful rides of their lives after living in years of pain and silence wake up to realize it can be worth the fight...Sometimes they realize that had they addressed some things early on in their marriage/relationship they would not be where they are today...
In my opinion the two of you are standing in the middle of a bridge..one side you seperate, where you go from here..questioning every woman from now if she will cheat on you and hurt you..and your spouse "to be" carries the pain forever of wounding someone deeply...or you can go to the other side where you get counseling together and you learn really good communication skills and problem solving together as a team...and the two of with the knowldedge that marriage and love is work you go forward and have the best relationship that each of you is worthy of...all because you got the hard crap over with early on and learned from it....Some here would give anything to be standing where the two of you are..knowledge is power and you already know you are capable of hurting eachother...and now you can focus totally on loving eachother...
Should you leave is only something you can answer..
I wish you both much peace.....
ARK

If she's not even worth the effort to you...if you aren't willing to let her off the hook and give her a chance to make things up to you...then you're both better off without each other. If she's not worth your time, don't waste her time...and don't call it a "marriage" relationship, either, if she's not even worth another chance to you.

someguy & somegirl,
You have a chance to build your relations, learn MB, to care & love each other. Protect it w/ POJA and 4 Gifts of Love. We never could change the past neither forget the past; all we can do is to forgive the past and learn from the past to move on. She opens up the door, more than any BS dream to have, now it is your turn to walk into it. Good luck.

Someguy & Somegirl<p>
You are getting good advice here. You can rebuild your relationship. Actually you can build a much stronger relationship then you have ever had. An affair is not the end of the road for a relationship. Sometimes it is the defining moment in which a couple either commits to working their tails off or go their separate way.<p>As you can see from my profile below. My H and I have survived a pretty ugly situation. By following the MB concepts we have a wonderful relationship now. It is the silver lining on the storm cloud of my H's affairs. <p>As for the mail from the OM. Here is a link to another thread of someone who is dealing with a similar situation right now.<p>
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=37&t=014235

Somegirl- I just read your post and it almost made me cry. I've been waiting for 3 months now for W to say even just a little of what you just said, but so far nada.<p>Someguy- If you could remove OM from the picture and focus on just Somegirl (she sounds like a lot more than just 'some' girl) I think you will answer your question about wanting to work things out. OM is not the issue anymore, never really was. You need to quit obsessing over him or it will destroy you, believe me, I know from personal experience. I know how you feel right now, the betrayal, anger, rage, frustration and all of that, but you haven't always felt that way about somegirl, have you? Giving up now is taking the easy way out, is that what you really want?

Thanks to everyone for your advice.<p>We are still working on it I guess, its just hard for me to believe anything that comes out of her mouth anymore. The stories of successful rebuilding are very encouraging. <p>Right now it looks like we might move out of the house, get apartments and continue to see each other almost like starting over. I think she might be worried that I'm looking for someone else during this time instead of working on us. She knows that she is the most important thing to me, but something like this is rough on a guy.<p>Take care and thanks again to everyone.

Someguy and Somegirl,<p>I have thought about your situation and have a few things to say to both of you. First, I think it is a good idea to move back into separate apartments. In fact, I think it is crucial.<p>Why? First, Someguy you need to look at the facts. People don't have an affair with someone else if they are madly in love with the person they are with. To put it in Harley speak, you were obviously not meeting her major needs. In fact, for most of your relationship with Somegirl you have only had to meet SOME of her needs. She got the rest met by the OM. So apart from the fact that you are very hurt, you need to investigate what you failed to do.<p>Somegirl, did you read what I just wrote to Someguy? It sounds pretty harsh. I'm telling him that he was cheated on by you, but that some of it was his fault. Talk about rubbing salt in the wounds. This hurts. He is hurting big time and some guy (me) is telling him he failed in the relationship. Well, clearly it is true. You went elsewhere to have your needs met. He has a large task ahead of him. Not only must he decide if he should or could swallow his pride, deal with his pain, learn to trust you again, he must admit he failed you.<p>Somegirl, although you cheated on your BF you have it easier; sort of. You don't have to swallow your pride and you don't have to face the pain of knowing that someone you loved didn't really love you. You also don't have to address whether you can trust him or not. He didn't cheat on you. <p>However, you do have to do some things. One is understand WHY you had the affair. What needs of yours weren't being met by Someguy? Why couldn't you tell him or make clear to him that these needs were more important than your relationship with him. Clearly, whether you admit it or not, you choose OM over Someguy. You knew and know that your choice may well have ended your relationship with Someguy. Yet, you took the risk.<p>No matter what happens your risk has cost you and I believe you know it. Someguy has the hardest of the two jobs in someways, but he won't be burdened with the idea that he lied to you, cheated on you, and risked the relationship. You won't ever forget this no matter if he forgives you or not.<p>This does bring up one task that you have that is very difficult. You must through absolute honesty rebuild his trust in you. This is a long and hard process and coupled with handling your feelings of guilt makes the whole thing very hard for you.<p>I think because you two aren't married it is best that you do as Someguy posted. Start this thing over and see if he can meet ALL of your needs. If he is not or cannot, you need to be honest with him and end the relationship. If he decides that he can not or doesn't feel like meeting your needs, then he should end it.<p>Oh! and this brings me to the last part of why you should start over and see if anything is there. Somegirl, while you were having your affair it is unlikely that you were meeting Someguys needs either. The probability is very high that you failed at this task because you didn't really care as much.<p>Both of you need to do some serious reading, some serious talking, and very likely some counseling to address the issues. Your past relationship is over. Somegirl you destroyed it with your affair. However, if there are still some lingering feelings of affection for one another, then starting over and really paying attention is the best plan in my mind.<p>You two are lucky. You get to consciously decide if you two are meant to be married before you really are. You will know if you two can and will meet each others needs, when most people don't even know they have needs. There is every reason to think this can lead to a long and happy marriage or it can prevent a disasterous marriage.<p>You both have a lot of work to do, and a lot of communicating to do. Do it and see what happens.
This is the best advice I can offer you.<p>God Bless,<p>JL

First, I want to let everybody know that I really appreciate everyone's thoughts. It is nice to be able to hear from people who have been through this before and understand what we (and especially SG) are feeling.<p>I wanted to post this message to give everyone a little background on myself that I didn't give before. I read the needs literature, and I found it very helpful, but I cannot blame SG for not fulfilling my needs. Sure, I do believe that we had issues that needed to be addressed, but it was me that really had the "bad stuff" going on. I was raised an only child and my parents always pampered me and sheltered me and made me their little princess. In fact, I guess they continue to try to do that even today. In school, I wasn't part of the popular crowd, yet I always longed to be, but to those people, I was never, nor would I ever be, good enough to join their circle. Therefore, I guess I would get the reassurance that I needed from my parents - trust me, they always had plenty to give. Not that I am angry with them for that - they always tried to give me everything (on an emotional level) that they never had growing up, and so I guess that just happened to turn into full attention and spoiling. When I began dating SG, I was very insecure and needy, and I was constantly asking for that same reassurance from him. Was it an emotional need of mine? I guess I could say that, but he didn't understand the depth of my problem, and neither did I. I should have tried to explore my feelings of inadequecy and work on them - instead, I just thought I was a little "high maintenance" and nothing more. Meanwhile, I wanted constant attention from SG and I was very jealous and insecure. On top of all of this, I was very afraid of conflict (i.e., "if my BF and I have an argument, that must mean we're going to split up"), and so I tried to please him all the time and avoid arguments...how could he ever know that there was a problem if I couldn't/wouldn't tell him?<p>I am finally to a point now that I am dealing with these issues. I am seeing a therapist and I am optimistic about the future. I realize that I have to learn to like myself and believe that I am worthy enough for people to like me, too. I also need to be able to talk to people about my true feelings, even if it is uncomfortable. These things are more difficult now that I have made such horrible mistakes, but I have to be forward looking and believe that I can become a healthier person.<p>The reason that I am writing this is that I do not blame SG for not meeting my needs - he did everything that he could knowing what he knew. I just wouldn't open up to him about it, and that way my fault. I just don't want anybody to think that he wasn't trying, because he really was - I just didn't give him all the facts to work with. That isn't his fault!!!!!<p>I've been thinking alot about selling our house and moving into separate apartments. After talking with SG about it last night, I spent the night really thinking about the whole thing and what it would mean for us. I have to think that if we do end up working it out and deciding to spend our life together after we move away from one another, then we should be stronger than ever before. That would be wonderful! That is what I hope for more than anything. SG mentioned in his last post that I was worrying about him seeing other girls, and I am. But what can I say - it definitely doesn't even compare to what I did, and I can understand if he would want to see what's out there before he makes up his mind. What I worry about most is that any girl that he meets in that big wide world will already have a heads up on me - she won't have cheated on him and he won't have to do the same sort of work to make it work with her. I guess I sound like I am whining - let me just say that I am grateful just for the opportunity that SG has given me - he has been there for me every step of the way since he has found out and I just want to do whatever will makes things easier or better for him. I will do whatever he thinks is best. Above all else, he deserves to be happy because he is a good man and a honest man...