I know that it is widely recommended that the person who had the affair, not have contact with the person who shared in the affair , but.....
My wife insists that she wants to maintain a "friend' relationship with the person whom she had the affair. He was a long time friend/co-worker. I have had a hard time trusting this(it has been eight months since the sexual incident)but all appears to be going well. We are in therapy together and are making progress. That is a BRIEF outline of all the details but I am curious what some of you think. Anyone out there find themselves in this situation with success?

J-<p>Gonna tell you something that I haven't shared on this forum yet, and it DOES go against the MB principles (in which I now firmly believe).<p>I HAVE been able to remain friends with the OW with which I had an EA four years ago.....BUT - and that's a BIG BUTT!!! - the only reason I'd been able to do that is because W didn't know about the EA until her PA hit the light of day.<p>I haven't had any romantic feelings towards my OW since shortly after our EA ended, but I don't think that is often possible (or even adviseable). <p>I've gone so far as to tell my W that MAYBE she could remain friends with OM after we've recovered. I told her that it'd probably have to wait for at least a year, but that MAYBE some day.... I told her that I really don't know HOW I'll feel about it, but it is possible.<p>In principle, I think that no contact must be the rule (W even alluded to that fact- she doesn't know how she could be just friends). But for every rule, there could be an exception.<p>Long story short, if it causes you discomfort, your W should cease the contact immediately and permanently.<p>Kev

My opinion... NO!!!<p>I recently discovered that my WW, who claimed that her PA with a past lover was long since over, and that they were just friends - is probably too tempted and vulnerable to resist OM #1 or #2. It's an addiction. And with any addiction - any contact with the addictive stimuli is tempting fate. Why tempt fate? It should be about mutual respect - and respect requires that WS respect BS's feelings, and right to live without fear and uncertainty.<p>Now... I do believe that addictiveness has a genetic link. Maybe some folks are "stronger" than others when it comes to addictions. WW for example - shouldn't hold our money if we visit Vegas!! I could quite easily. So different people might be able to deal with things better than others.

Where is sing, my fairie LB, when I need it ?. NO WAY ... My WW has EA 5 1/2 years ago see my profile, stop "no contact" but later about 1 1/2 years ago contacts again and went PA. Read 4 gifts of Love ... protect your M.

I agree...even if it's only for your sake. She may actually be able to maintain a friends-only relationship, but you'll more than likely be uncomfortable with that...and that reason alone should be reason enough to cut all contact.

jinind,
The affair usually re-starts if there is personal conversation. <p>Does she tell you when they talk? Do you think she tells you what they talk about?<p>She should makes friends with someone she hasn't had sex with. <p>MB rule is no opposite sex friends with whom you spend time without the spouse or whom you do not tell your spouse about.<p>Some marriages have made it through co-worker affairs, but it is difficult and most marriage do not survive if the contact remains "friendly". <p>She's making a choice between keeping a friend or recovering her marriage.

Absolutely not. No way, no how would I condone any contact with the OP.