So after yesterdays comical performance from my WH (see thread below "Christmas Lonliness...") he rings me this morning to ask for a favour! Of all things and of all the nerve! <p>As per usual, he's disorganised and can't seem to find a very important piece of tax paperwork he needs which, of course, needs to be at the accountants tomorrow. So he's on the phone with me, freaking out and saying how stressed he is and how he "doesn't need this" right now. I was laughing inside, but didn't say a word. What I WANTED to say was, "you've had all year to do this. You knew the deadline. You waited until the last minute and now you're screwed. And why are you screwed? Because you can't file paperwork to save your life, everything you own is on the floor of your bedroom and I'm not at all surprised that this is happening. If you were still living with me, not only would you have had NO problems finding the papers you need, but chances are they would have already been at the accountants for a month!"<p>Didn't say that. Just thought it. Smiled to myself and listened to him throw a fit like a 5-year old. Pathetic. So then he has the nerve to ask me to tear apart my flat looking for this damn paper. I said to him, very calmly, "I'm very busy today, and I have to leave soon, but will have a look later on today." He mumbled a "thank you" and we hung up. <p>Went on with my day - very busy, lots to do. Got home about 5pm and had a look. Couldn't find it anywhere, so I texted him and told him so. He rang me and started freaking out, saying he's SO stressed and angry etc...I just listened and smiled. Then he announced that he was coming over to look for himself. <p>This sent me over the edge. We hung up the phone and I decided I just did not want to be here when he arrived and went into a panic. I was simply not going to sit there and take all his stress and try to Plan A him when he's in this self-induced panic mode. I got dressed and left the house. Bearing in mind, this was around 7pm when I left. I went to a coffee shop and wrote in my journal. Got a text from him about 7:30 asking if I wanted to have dinner "since I'm coming over anyway". Didn't answer it. Then had dinner in a restaurant on my own. About 8:30pm, got another text saying he was at the mall and would be over later. Did I still want dinner? ARG! Didn't answer it. So he rang. "Hi! Do you want to have dinner then?" I was calm, I was Plan A Goddess. I said, "Actually, I'm out already. You expressed to me yesterday that I make you feel uncomfortable and stressed, so I decided to leave so you wouldn't feel that way." His response? "Oh. You're out. Okay. Bye" Click. <p>Around 10pm, decided it would be safe to go home. Texted him and asked if he was still there. He replied that he hadn't even got there yet! ARRRRRRG! So I went to the pub, had a few drinks and read a newspaper. Finally, at around 11:30, I figured it would be safe. Went home and guess who is sitting in my living room eating a sandwich and drinking my pepsi? <p>I didn't blow up. I Plan A'd. Walked in, said hello, tried to be cheerful and happy and all he gave me was attitude. Said that he looked all over the house and couldn't find the paperwork. Very stressed out. Very angry. I kept quiet. Didn't say a word. <p>And here's where it gets funny. About 15 minutes later, he chilled out and started talking about work and making conversation. Seemed perfectly at ease to me. Didn't sense he was uncomfortable. Didn't sense he was stressed. Complete opposite of what he said yesterday. Funny that. (sarcasm there, did you notice it?)<p>It gets better. He went onto my computer and started showing me web sites he has found. I kept yawning and saying it was my bed time, but he stayed here until 1:00am!!!!!!!!!<p>Now you tell me - are these the actions of a man who's wife makes him anxious, stressed and uncomfortable? <p>I think not, Mr. Bond. <p>Thanks. Just needed to vent that out! Whew! Much better. Will probably sleep like a log now. Especially now that I feel my H is the strangest man on the planet. <p>venus

VE,<p>Yeah, I think it's pretty obvious he wanted to see you, and was willing to do whatever it took to achieve it -- feel good about that!!! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>How can people (WS) actually live like they do? how can they survive without exploding or something? [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] It just seems like they're so unbalanced that they're always ready to go insane. Oh well, each to their own.

Hi V,<p>If you were keeping score, I'd say....10 points for V. You kept your cool. Actually when the stress shows, it is a good thing. <p>They get soo prideful with the A up their butttt.<p>Then they have to try and walk but they walk funny. LOL!!! So is stresses them out. Ok, this is where we watch. Let them see themselves. They will and they do. What they do with this can change in a minute but the point is that they do see themselves and are reminded of it when the look in the mirror. <p>You keep taking care of V. He will come around. Just don't know when.<p>Take Care,
L.

Sounds like you did great.<p>Bet he was going nuts wondering where you were and what you were doing [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>And he clearly was waiting you out, and clearly wanted to see you!<p>I suspect the "you make me nervous" conversation you had with him was really "You make me feel guilty (and I don't like feeling guilty - its uncomfortable so I'll blame you for it) and your plan A has me really doubting my decision to leave."<p>You are doing great. Good job!! Everyone in plan A with a spouse in an active affair should be taking example from you.<p>Being "out" with plans of your own is exactly the right tactic to take.<p>Funny how they want their own freedom and privacy...but you having yours makes them crazy [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Keep the focus on you!<p>((hugs))

Hang in there V you are doing great. Just don't know what is taking him so long to see the light. I have asked you this before with no response. Have you asked WH to come home? Just wanted to know if it was his idea to move out.<p>Sounds to me his is very comfortable around you.<p>Stay strong.<p>
SLH

Wow, that was weird. I didn't even stop to think that he wanted to see me! But then you all chimed in with that one, and it made me think! It makes sense, really. He phoned me from the mall, I told him I was out, so he took his sweet time in getting to my place knowing I would be home eventually. Then hung around until 1am. Very bizarre, indeed. <p>He's still stressed, by the way. I got a "feel sorry for me" type text this morning. Said he's stressed out and isn't at all in the Christmas spirit. Doesn't even FEEL like Christmas to him at all. Well, darling husband - is it going to feel like Christmas when your at OW's house for 5 days knowing I'm with your family having a good time? And do you think it feels like Christmas for me knowing my H will be with a sour-faced OW for 5 days?<p>Talked to H's Aunt today. Apparently he rang her to see if his tax papers may have been delivered to her house, as sometimes happens. She was quite disgusted with him, really. She's been leaving messages for him saying she just wants to see how he is and he hasn't bothered ringing her back. But of course, now that he needs something, he phones her. <p>Anyway, she said he was distant (no surprises there, then). She asked if he intended to divorce me and he gave a resounding "NO! I don't know what I'm doing. I'm confused." She asked if he planned on moving in with OW and he said no. (Thank GOD for that!). Then she said to him, "You have to be careful. You may end up hurting venus so much, that if in 6 months time or whatever, you decided you've made a huge mistake, she won't want you back." She said he sounded sad and said, very quietly, "Yeah, I know." She also had a good point, and let me know what you think of this. She said it might be a good idea if they spend 5 days over Christmas with each other. So far, they've only had weekends. A sort of reality could kick in, especially since he won't be around his family or friends and will know I'm with them. Make sense?<p>Feels like I'm dealing with a lunatic. But you know what? I feel SO good today. Probably because I'm busy with all my Christmas plans and have things to do and am looking forward to going to H's family's house this week. <p>StillLoveHim - sorry I haven't answered your question, love! Answer is no, I haven't asked him to move back in based simply on what he's said about feeling uncomfortable, stressed, confused, ect...I've made it clear that he is welcome here and this will always be his home and that when he feels ready to come back, he is welcome after a long discussion. His decision to move out was instigated by him, but I was also at a point where I couldn't take him living here anymore. Continual contact with OW, sometimes with me in the room! Yes, he gave all the usual excuses - "I need to find myself. I want my independence back." but in reality, it was simply so he could live his double life with me and OW at the same time and without much grief from either of us. Cakeman-a-go-go. <p>Thanks everyone!
venus