I have taken much of the adivce of you wonderful MB posters. Thank you very much Any last thoughts?<p>One question: Do I send it e-mail or would US mail be better for affect? Given the time of year I'm inclined to send it e-mail?<p>Wife,<p>Much has happened in the past year, it has been a difficult one, for both of us and unfortunately for our children. Even with what has happened I still love you and want the opportunity to repair our relationship. I want this despite knowing of your relationships and intimacy with 2 other men. I am painfully aware that I was not meeting your most important needs; in fact with the work I have done on me, though Marriage Builders and other reading, I can identify only one of your needs I was meeting as a husband, and I apologize for that, and for my part in creating an environment that you did not and could not live in and creating an environment that made these relationships possible.<p>During the last nine months, the cards and letters I send expressing my love came from the bottom of my heart. I have been reading and learning about relationships and marriage, trying to understand where I failed. I now understand that we allowed our relationship to be un-nurtured for too long. We did not spend the time being a loving couple, did not communicate effectively, and most importantly, did not plan our life together. It&#8217;s easy to see now but easy to ignore then, we were more like roommates. This does not mean it is too late to begin rebuilding our marriage and deepening the love we developed for each other, I can&#8217;t imagine any one else duplicating the love affair we had, for either one of us. <p>I know that what I have learned has taught me that by focusing on meeting each other&#8217;s needs in the future, we can have a much healthier and more satisfying relationship then we ever had, I know our marriage can thrive. Although I have a lot more work to do on me, I have learned and continued to learn from my mistakes and continue to make changes in myself. I am enjoying many aspects of my life, especially our beautiful children, my new job and I am excited about my future. <p>More than else in this world, I want you to be a part of my future, as my partner, soul mate and loving wife. I would like to put the mistakes behind us and build a better life and family together as a team. I want us to learn to meet each other&#8217;s needs and avoid making the same mistakes that got us to that ugly place and the place we currently find ourselves. I want to work with you to create the kind of life that is better then either one of us ever dreamed of. One thing I know for sure, together we are a intelligent, strong and dynamitic team that can make it happen. I also know, we owe it to our children to try this program in making our marriage a success. <p>This past year was the most emotionally traumatic period of my life. Despite the constant pain that I felt, I continued to maintain hope that we could reconcile. Even while being involved with Shelly, I continued to hope we could reconcile. I worked in the marriage builders program and endured this emotional distress because I had one goal in mind, which was to restore our marriage and our family and recreate it together into what can be a wonderful life. <p>I have learned a lot in the last year; I love you more than I ever possibly realized another is that at times I need to protect you from me. So in compliance with our agreement made on November 21st of this year where we agreed to no angry outbursts, I will protect you from me. Additionally it is difficult to speak with you as it hurts so much, more than I could have ever imagined, so I will minimize all contact with you. Please initiate contact with me via e-mail or voice mail. As we get into a plan and as I continue to work with Steve Harley I am confident I will improve, but until then this will help me keep focus on me and the work I must do to change. I will call each evening between 7:30 and 8:00 please have Daughter answer the phone. If you would like the same courtesy, kindly inform me via e-mail as to when you will be calling to speak with the Daughter. Of course, in the event of an emergency I shall suspend this request. If there is a problem with the schedule, or alternative arrangements need to be made, please leave a voice message on the cell and home phone and e-mail. <p>I hope you understand I am not doing this to hurt or punish you. This is something I must do to protect you from me and to protect my self and my feelings. It is also a necessary step to allow me to emotionally heal from the pain I have experienced since February, and especially May. I ask you to please respect my decision to separate in this way.<p>I want you to be my wife, and I want us to be the untied parents for Daughter and Son the both of us always wanted to be, together, in a happy marriage, as a happy family. Daughter, Son and myself can help you become happy for the rest of your life. We are a permanent reality, committed to you forever, that will never change. Similarly you can make the three of us very happy. We want and need you to be at home, with all of us together. I will support any need you have in a non-judgmental manner, if and when you recommit to our marriage. Even if you are not sure I will try and understand and provide empathy.<p>I want more than anything to be your best friend again, someone who is always there for you when you need me. And I want you as my best friend. I want to spend the rest of my life being your loving husband, and providing you with the love, affection, and deep caring you deserve.<p>I feel like I spent my whole life loving you, it took me 34 years to find you, and I spent the next 6 with you. As I reflect on the past and the future I know I made the right choice, I found the woman that I want to spend the rest of my life with. That woman is you. I fell madly in love with you when we were brought together and love you up to this moment. <p>I hope you understand my decision. I am doing it to protect you and us and the love that I have for you. This is the only way I know to protect the love I have for you. <p>I love you,

Hi Dad,<p>I think this is a nice letter. A bit too nice. You don't have to protect you from her unless you have harmed her. <p>If this is a plan B letter, a bit more firm would be better. This leans more towards a plan A letter with that 1 plan B type paragraph. It might send confusing messages to an already confused person. <p>I can see and feel your love for your W but what she is doing to you is not love and should not be rewarded as such. Let her know you love her but be firm that you will not tolerate such disrespect. You could phrase it that she does not deserve disrespect either so she should understand your need to minimize communication. <p>It was nice how you planned time to have with your daughter each day. This was good. <p>Hope others will share their thoughts...<p>Take Care,
L.

Absolutely send it U.S. Mail so she can have a copy to peruse as she wishes (or doesn’t wish)

Hi Dad ofthe Year,<p> Absolutely send it by smail mail so their is a copy in black and white.<p> Don't forget to send it to the OM with a note that you sent W this letter and you wanted him to know that you still love her. Steve explained that this "puts pressure " on their relationship and in my case I'm sure the OW was surprised to see that I was not giving up.........LU<p>PS I think it's a good letter, too long in my opinion but I am a "short to the point kind of person"!

<p>[ January 20, 2002: Message edited by: MMMMM ]</p>

Sentletter today via US mail. Minor changes, Protection form me stuff was per Steve H.
Good news from Father-in-law, She fired her Attorney as he refused to ask the judge for an extension, we discussed suspending D porceeding in late November. Also she has agreed to psyco-therapy per her fathers request. He has to find someone and he will cover costs of Co-pay. However., she continues to see OM (#2.