<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>I thank you all for your comments but I see that you are not in a place to see past your own issues at this point...<hr></blockquote><p>Hailey, what exactly did you expect to find here? Broken-hearted, deceived men and women who would support you in continuing an activity which is morally wrong? Regardless of your explanation that his wife is awful, he promised to be faithful and to honor her, a promise he broke because it suited him to.<p>To find us all "not in a place to see past your own issues" (i.e., not as emotionally mature as you are), because we disagree with you, is both insensitive and insulting.<p>Rose Red

I have to say that I totally agree with WAT and the assessment of the 'better suited' comment. When I read that my blood pressure went through the roof. Yes, I heard and read that line before. Our OW read SAA and then decided that the principles were good but that it was certainly possible that she and H were better 'suited' to one another than he and I were, and set out to use the Harley principles to prove this. This revelation was made after a relationship of what...3 months of deception, sneaking around, robbing our bank account... as opposed to 18 years of marriage! Give me a break.<p>Yes it is selfish and self serving and a very poor way to try and rationalize staying in a relationship with another woman's husband.<p>And as for him telling you the truth...well let me tell you this. I had a talk with OW's H and told him a lot of things...he told her and then she wrote my H a letter to get clarification of what I said. She only picked out the things that would get a response that would make her feel better. And then my H answered her and his answers were lies. The fact that he showed all this to me is astounding, maybe he wanted me to call him on it and make a fuss...but I didn't. There are many things that were said in reference to me and my behaviour that were so far from true that it is scary to try and imagine just what he was telling her. Oh I am sure that he was telling the truth, but leaving out my side of it. Don't imagine for a minute that he is sharing all with you...he has already proven that he is a liar and a cheat and who knows what else. Is that the kind of man that you want to be devoted to always wondering if he is doing that to you too?<p>Stop enabling his bad behavior. Let him deal with it and his marriage on his own. And don't kid yourself...people know they just aren't saying. And as for these friends...I learned along time ago that 'friends' will tell you whatever suits them to either get a reaction or get info out of you. Back to the question...are they in the house at night and see what goes on? If not, their information is second hand and not valid. If you don't hear it yourself, it hasn't been said.

I thank you all for your sharing your side - it has been more helpful than you know - my reason - although it seems lost at this point - for posting was to allow some BS's the view that you guys seem so desperatly to want to have - that of knowing what's going on in the A - I will most certianly make use of your side - I think you would be wise to do the same - get your heads out of the sand. and that is all that I'm going to say here.

What is going on here? Is gloryb. sending us a bunch of self-righteous OW/OM's to mess with our minds?<p>Rose Red

"Also, it's a small town - everyone knows the "sleezes" believe me - they do."<p>WOW I wonder what they think of you?! or what they would think if you were confident enough to tell. <p>I am sorry for my attitude today. It just.... it amazes me when OW comes here and posts there story.<p>...as if... it is something we haven't heard before. <p>As if... their situation is unique. <p>As if... their situation is different.<p>All I see when I read it is blah blah blah blah. <p>God I just wish you could open your eyes and see an affair, is an affair, is an affair, is an affair, is an affair...there is no differences. <p>That stupid "in love" feeling can happen between any two people who are willing in the beginning of any relationship. It is when you live with someone day to day... year after year... that EVERY relationship would get boring and end IF it weren't for two willing people committing to making it work. <p>I don't mind an OW coming here but it is disrespectful to flood the Marriage Builders Boards with OW. There is a place for you to feel welcome at www.gloryb.com. Read the stories there - THEY ARE ALL ALIKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by hailey:
<strong>I could not and would not degrade what we had by trying to make him continue to love me - I think I honored our love - the love we had in that way - like I said - he to this day is one of my nearest and dearest friends - he married the "OW" and they are very happy and very well suited for each other - some of us live on a deeper level- selfishness is trying to make someone who no longer loves you </strong><hr></blockquote><p>Haven't had to beak out the old vomit bucket lately but I think I need it now lol. Hailey comes here to tell us one of those storeis about how she "understands" being betrayed but her H and his OW lived happily ever after and everything is hunky dory. Well woo hoo, congrats to them! Every OW seems to have stories of an OW they know who found eternal bliss with her delightful MM who amazingly never had any issues with his new relationship. I have always said that a former BS who turns WS is the most calculating and cold of all. My opinion stands. Go back to TOW. Your thinly veiled digs at the betrayed spouses are quite transparent. I'm sure you caused some people here some pain, that should make you happy.

Whats really funny is if his wife found out and kicked him out...He would be groveling at wifes feet to come home not OW. That is why OW will not tell the wife - if the wife knows and they have free reign to meet the truth is - he won't want the OW or if he does - I guarantee it is temporary.<p>o.k. I will share a true story about my Aunt - H left for OW. OW (became new wife) and now "won" her MM. Fast forward 16 years. Surprise! H has a new OW. The current wife is shocked! She can't believe it!

Hailey, your "caring" desire to help betrayed spouses see the "other" point of view is reminiscent of another unrepentent cheater who got banned a couple of months ago.<p>We're not the ones who can't see past our own issues. You make a very good example of being oblivious to your own fog.<p>To me, your bringing up your point of view on this particular site reeks of what you'd really like to tell the woman you are helping her husband cheat on - all of the poison, vindictive, "preachy" moralization of an immoral relationship you want to spew on her poor head. <p>Sorry - I see through you. Hope everyone else here does too and you get your sorry IP banned from this site like "O" did.

insecure, coward, cakepeople...she's gone. I wish I could contact his W.

I know that i'm gonna get flamed for this one, BUT:<p>I think that Hailey makes some very interesting points. Espically as it relates to moving on. I'm not here to throw stones. I just happen to agree.<p>I am, happily, no longer with my MM but I hear where she's coming from. <p>I have learned that there's no point in going into detail on MB on this subject but I will comment on this:<p>The fact of the matter is that MOST affairs do not result in long-term happiness for the WS.<p>If statistics are to be believed, neither do MOST marriages.

Hailey I would like to reply and I won't be replying with any past in mind. I have been married for almost 9 years...very happy and neither of us has had any affairs. I come here to learn so that will never happen. I agree with what others here have said that you need to find a man who is available. Whehter there are troubles in the marriage or not...it's not your problem. You should have respect for that marriage nad the wife. Back away for them and for you. You are wasting your love on a person who doesn't even care enough for the woman he already has. Do you want that for yourself? I have been in opportunities to have affairs with married men and I told them to get lost. It isn't right. Nothing can justify having an affair with a married man. Sorry but true [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by notheard:
<strong><p>o.k. I will share a true story about my Aunt - H left for OW. OW (became new wife) and now "won" her MM. Fast forward 16 years. Surprise! H has a new OW. The current wife is shocked! She can't believe it!</strong><hr></blockquote><p> Since Hailey was generous enough to share with us how her H found his true love with his OW, I think we should all share soem real life stories that we know of. I've known tons of people who had affairs, but only 2 who married the OP, so I'll share those 2. I also know several women who let their H's for an OM, but they all got dumped by the OM by the time the divorce was final.<p>MM#1 moved in with his OW after his wife kicked him out. They got engaged. 2 weeks before the wedding he called it off because he had "fallen in love" with an 18 year old at his work. They eventually got back together and got married. OW/W got him with the 18 year old about 2 months after the wedding. That ended, then she caught him with a new "soulmate" about a year later. They are still together and probably will be unless she kicks him out.<p>MM#2 - My friend's Dad. He was totally neglectful to his wife and family (I saw this firsthand) totally uninvolved. Also an embarassing public drunk. He eventually left W for OW. They soon married. For about 6 months he was clean and sober. Then the novelty wore off and he was exactly the same with her as he was with his first wife. They are now divorced.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Katie Scarlett:
<strong><p>The fact of the matter is that MOST affairs do not result in long-term happiness for the WS.<p>If statistics are to be believed, neither do MOST marriages.</strong><hr></blockquote><p> True, the statistics on the survival rate of marriages is dismal. But the statistics on relationships that begin as affairs are downright bleak. In my own life I have seen lots of marraiges end and lots of people have affairs. I haven't seen any of the affair relationships have a long term happy ending. It's easier to replace the squeaky wheel than fix it. But if you haven't learned how to maintain your wheels the new one will eventually squeak too....

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by fairydust:
<strong> It's easier to replace the squeaky wheel than fix it. But if you haven't learned how to maintain your wheels the new one will eventually squeak too....</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Truer words were never spoken.

Don't worry folks my "sorry ip" will be long gone from posting with you bitter people. I must say that this has been a total eye-opener. If you would go back to the first post - we are no longer involved in a PA - oh how soon we forget and let our hatred for our spoused run rampet here. All I am going to say is - if this is your underlying feeling about what is going on in your lives - believe me it's coming through loud and clear to your WS!!!! Whether you verbalizing it or not - you may think your practicing not doing any "love busting" but that kink of angry and hate oozes from each and ever fiber of your being - They here it loud and clear - believe me!!! As for your insistance that ALL cheater re-cheat -well then just where does that leave YOU in the same boat as ME!!!! Now doesn't it. Like I said the A is over - but you guys took it and ran didn't you - re-read what I said about your resentment, hatred and anger - they hear it LOUD AND CLEAR - I know I did.
the end!!!

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by hailey:
<strong>I thank you all for your sharing your side - it has been more helpful than you know - my reason - although it seems lost at this point - for posting was to allow some BS's the view that you guys seem so desperatly to want to have - that of knowing what's going on in the A - I will most certianly make use of your side - I think you would be wise to do the same - get your heads out of the sand. and that is all that I'm going to say here.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>
Hailey,
I will state it again and I hope you listen carefully: <p>YOU ARE THE LEAST OBJECTIVE PERSON WHEN IT COMES TO YOUR OWN AFFAIR <p>You don't realize how foggy and out of touch you sound to those of us who are not in the throes of an infatuation, as you are. So please try a little honest introspection before you arrogantly presume to give others "advice" about something in which you are woefully unobjective and foggy.<p>P.S. Are you aware of how many times we have already heard your story? The same rationalizations, the same phony "concern" for the BS and kids, the same silly idealization of the poor victimized MM. We've heard it all and it just sounds profoundly selfish, self centered, inhumane and juvenile to us.

Don't worry folks my "sorry ip" will be long gone from posting with you bitter people. I must say that this has been a total eye-opener. If you would go back to the first post - we are no longer involved in a PA - oh how soon we forget and let our hatred for our spoused run rampet here. All I am going to say is - if this is your underlying feeling about what is going on in your lives - believe me it's coming through loud and clear to your WS!!!! Whether you verbalizing it or not - you may think your practicing not doing any "love busting" but that kink of angry and hate oozes from each and ever fiber of your being - They here it loud and clear - believe me!!! As for your insistance that ALL cheater re-cheat -well then just where does that leave YOU in the same boat as ME!!!! Now doesn't it. Like I said the A is over - but you guys took it and ran didn't you - re-read what I said about your resentment, hatred and anger - they hear it LOUD AND CLEAR - I know I did.
the end!!!

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by hailey:
<strong>re-read what I said about your resentment, hatred and anger - they hear it LOUD AND CLEAR - I know I did.
the end!!!</strong><hr></blockquote><p>People SHOULD have hatred and anger for destructive and evil practices that destroy the hearts and minds of families. Ever heard the saying that evil thrives when good men stand silent?

Maybe it is not a PA but there is a EA (emotional affair) still going on. If you have nothing to hide - then tell his wife.<p>Heck yeah we're angry - there is nothing wrong with being angry. Anger is not a LB.

Hailey - I'll just speak my mind.<p>I don't believe you.<p>Don't believe you were ever a wife with a cheating husband.