I have been having alot of trouble sleeping lately. Stupid images keep popping up into my head.....pictures of my WH with the OW.....pictures of the way he looked at me throughout this whole ordeal.<p>Things keep running through my mind.....the hurtful things he said....the painful things that he did...not to just me....but our daughter as well.<p>Last night was one of those nights. As I laid in bed....with my WH's back to me as usual, they all started rolling again. But there wa one thing I couldn't get to go away. A voice in my head just kept saying over and over that I would never be enough for my WH. I could't stop it....no matter what I tried to think about....that just kept bumping it's way back in.<p>Then I just rolled with it....let all the things flow through my head....and actually thought about them. Then I sat up with a shock....and came to a realization.<p>I will never be enough for my husband. I will never be good enough.<p>All of our problems didn't start when the A happened....they didn't even start just a couple of years ago. They started 11 years ago......before we were even married.<p>He slept with a mutual friend 11 years ago....shortly after I had our first daughter. We weren't married yet....but got married soon after.
I didn't know about this one until July of this year. I was made to look like a fool for 10 years......I befriended her and did things for her that a good friend would do. They had known each other since they were young. Her brother was my WH's best friend......but he died just before we had our daughter.<p>About 4 years ago he admitted to his parents that he had started developing feelings for my sister....but that he would never act on them. this was shortly after they started working at the same place....taking lunches and breaks together. My sister says that she never knew about it.....my WH is denying ever telling his parents this.<p>Then 10 months ago all this starts with the OW....and I'm where I am at now.<p>In the beginning....when it was new.....he cheated.......in the middle when it was just ok....and comfortable.....he emotionally cheated....and when it was bad...and we both thought each other watned out.....he cheated.<p>So folks.....no matter what I do....I will never be enough for my WH.<p>Another thing that makes me think this is the whole thing together. He doesn't want to talk....doesn't want to deal with any of this stuff. My gut doesn't tell me anything anymore.....it just doesn't know what's going on.<p>I've done nothing but love this man for the last 15 years of my life....and what have I gotten for it? I've been [censored] on over and over.<p>Not sure how much longer I can take this.....but it isn't much longer.

BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP!!!!

Miss Priss, be careful, if you want him back to you all the way.. plan a if you still can.. at least he is there with you ... I know it hurts... but it can get better... I have heard act like you acted when you were falling in love,,... etc. It can be OK. I know it. But, if he is a chronic cheater maybe not.. I did not catch it, are you in therapy? I will pray for you. L [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]