>>> When I am not working or working out I am just thinking about this all the time <<<<p>Welcome to my world! (But it is starting to get better, for sure.)<p>>>> I don't want her to think once again that she can just sit on the fence for another couple of weeks. By that time it will be 12 weeks since I have discovered her affair and all. I think after three months she should have an idea on what she wants to do <<<<p>Well, it's been 16 weeks for me, and I'm not much farther than you are. I've committed myself to 5 months of a GOOD Plan A. That means lots of letters (positive ones, Plan A-type), lots of attention, but not smothering. Also, when she's late, it's me asking how her day was, not "where were you?!". It's starting to feel irritating - and that's a sign that Plan A is working for me too - making love bank withdrawals in my account for her. That's a normal thing for the BS - to feel like you describe. Just keep going in your plan.<p>>>> I just can't let her use me like that over and over <<<<p>In one of my sessions with Steve Harley, he asked me if I felt like I was a doormat, an enabler... I said, "yeah, I guess so" - he said, "that's a good sign you're doing a good Plan A". So don't get discouraged by her "using you" - it's part of the process of showing her that you care about her feelings. And pressuring her with deadlines and ultimatums will only backfire, trust me.<p>>>> So any advice on how to handle the situation when she comes back <<<<p>My opinion? Have a plan in your mind and stick to it. It'll make you feel better knowing that there is a well-defined path. Of course, you need to be prepared to adapt - if she leaves, for example. But in the end, you still have a plan of some type, even if changed - follow it.