D-day for us was July 7, 2001. That is when I found out that my wife of 5 years had been involved in a telephone relationship with a guy she works with. Through a chance occurance and cell phone records, I was able to determine that it had been going on for at least 6 months, probably longer. They would call each other on their commutes to and from work, on weekends when I was not around, and when she was out of town on business. When I found out, we went through the usual animated discussions, and over a period of time have arrived at the point we are today. She to this day refuses to admit that it was an EA, and says that they were just "friends" and he was "easy to talk to". When I ask how it got started, and ehat they talked about, she says that she doesn't remember. She said all the calls were completely innocent and she kept them secret because she knew that I would be "pissed off" if I found out. I ask--wouldn't that be a normal reaction on my part? She said that she didn't realize that "my feelings would be hurt so much". To make matters worse, back in February we went out with OM and his wife on two occasions. I was very uncomfortable with the vibes that I picked up between this guy and my wife. The way he looked at her, the general conversation, etc. It was nothing that I could put my finger on exactly, but I just had a feeling that things were not right. I expressed my feelings to my wife, but she obviously continued to carry on the phone relationship until my discovery. When I asked her what was the catalyst for these calls, she said that I had become withdrawn when I had to change jobs. The company that I had worked for for 32 years went out of business. I found a new job quickly, but their was a certain amount of stress involved in the transition. I told her at the time that it was the job that caused me to be tired and somewhat withdrawn. She knew that I was there for her for anything she needed or wanted. She claims to have broken off all contact with OM, and I have been plan A'ing for several months now. We have been getting along great, 0ur sex life is good, and we have fun together. I know that she is trying hard to show me she loves me. The problem is that at times I feel the need to ask her questions about the EA, and she immediately withdraws and will not answers any questions directly. She thinks that I should just "get over it"---it is in the past. I just can't do this because their are many "triggers" that causes mood swings and she wants to know what is wrong. Sometimes I tell her and sometimes I don't.When I do tell her a conversation ensues and I always get the impression that she broke off contact withOM because I was angry and not because she thought it was wrong. Is it normal for me to need to hear her admit that it was WRONG. What should I do Now --any suggestions
