Its been awhile since I posted. Long story in pas post. I discovered XW affair w/ OM. He is married W/3 kids. Affair still on going. Over 1 year now. XW refused to stop and ended in divorce in 7/01. The holiday season has been rough. I have this burning desire to tell OM wife whats going on. I know his wife has thoughts that something is going on between the two of them.I resent both XW and OM for what has happened to my family. My kids are hurt, Im hurt and XW is hurt. There are no winners in divorce. It pisses me off that while my family suffers the consequences of these to morons actions all is well on his home front. I feel he should have to pay some sort of consequences for his actions. I dont blame him 100% for my divorce but it took two to tango and feel he is 50% to blame. He and his wife were friends. I feel sorry for her in that she doesnt know whats exactly going on. My dilemma is should I call her and give her the truth or just let it go? I dont want to hurt her but I do want some revenge-make OM pay some sort of consequuences for his action. I also think she should know so she knows exactly what shes dealing with. I know she and her kids have gone out of town and XW has spent the night over there in her bed w/OM. Any thoughts or input would be appreciated.

Frankly, I would talk to either him or your ex-wife first. Tell them that what they are doing to her is wrong, and you will feel morally obligated to tell her yourself unless they tell her first. If nothing comes of that...if they still won't tell her, even after you've confronted them...then I would go ahead and let her know what's going on.<p>Just my $.02

Austin --
If I were the unknowing wife I would hope someone would tell me.
My H was having an affair before and during the beginning of our marriage and I desperatly wish one of the many people who knew about it would have told me. The longer it goes on, the more foolish she will feel.<p>And I would NOT give them forewarning of your plan to tell -- they would simply use that time to concoct a story and cover their tracks.<p>Give this poor women an opportunity to collect whatever information she needs and let her have the truth.

Drat...now that I think about it, Lexxxy's probably right. Too bad...everyone deserves a chance to do the "right thing" but they probably WOULD squander it.<p>The certain thing is, though...the wife deserves to know the truth.

I could supply her with all the information she could possibly need. I investigated what was going on in depth.

Austin - This is a no brainer. I have a rule of thumb that always give me the right answer. It is the following: If the roles were reversed and you were the OM's wife - would you want someone to tell you? I believe the answer is an overwhelming YES! Do the right thing and allow her to make decisions about her life with all of the information she can get.

I have to agree with Lexxy on this. You have a moral obligation to tell this woman what she has a right to know. This information is being wrongfully withheld from her by a betraying spouse - information about HER LIFE that she has a right to know. <p>And I WOULD NOT - WOULD NOT tip off your W or the OM because they might prevent this knowledge from getting to her or convince her beforehand that "some nut" is going to be contacting her with a crazy story. You NEED the element of surprise in order to control the story by ensuring that the TRUTH gets to her. Besides, I wouldn't trust the untrustworthy in this situation.<p>I know that you want to do it out of revenge, and I understand that, but it would be an act of compassion towards an innocent victim of this affair. I wish someone would have been kind enough to tell me and I will be eternally grateful to the OW who was completely honest with me afterwards. [she thought we were separated]<p>Just remember, Austin, to NOT KNOW is pure unadulterated hell, harder to take than knowing for most people since they KNOW something is wrong but are being deceived.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Austin:
<strong>I could supply her with all the information she could possibly need. I investigated what was going on in depth.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>
Please do it!

Tell

Austin,<p>I agree with the concept of "if the shoes were reversed". Also, if you're already divorced then there's not a lot at stake here other than the possibility that your XW might be mad at you. If the XW could be a problem then try considering this approach, write his wife an anonymous letter giving her the evidence you have and how she can catch them. Include whatever you have that can help her while not reveling your identity. Set up a hotmail account that she can use to contact you should she have any questions <p>HI

tell tell tell tell tell tell tell! She deserves to know the truth. She is probably going crzy trying to figure out what it is. Tell her.<p>I would of appreciated it.<p>L

I posted on Recovery with the title: Where do you get details about weddings? <p>I think the reasoning is the same as on this thread but I am not getting any responses - well the one I got I don't like. <p>Can someone help me over there.<p>And tell me where can I get details about a wedding if I only know the Bride-to-Be name?

I'm jumping up and down now trying to get attention. I even changed by subject heading to try and make it sound spicier:<p>HELP!!!Where do you get details about weddings? (OW wedding - I wanna talk to Fiance)

I agree this is a no-brainer. There's not much at stake now from your perspective and I agree the OM's W should know. Without knowing the details, I'm surprised she doesn't know already.<p>TELL HER!

my h s a was kept secret from me for 30 yrs and then I found out . Her h found out and did not tell me.
I am very regretful that I didnt find out a lot sooner. A lot of things become clear in regard to the effects of the a on the whole family once I knew and I am sad that it is now too late to act on the truth.
Living a lie without knowing is the worst aspect of the whole messy business.<p>[ December 20, 2001: Message edited by: H2O ]</p>