WELL I DID WHAT I HAVE SAID I WOULDNT DO AGAIN.IT HAPPENED ON DEC 17, 2001. I WAS ON WHY WAY TO WORK AND THE NEXT THING I KNOW IM AT HIS HOUSE. WHICH NOT ONLY SURPRISE ME BUT HIM ALSO. I TRIED TO GET HIM TO STAY HOME FROM WORK BUT HE HAD TO GO. SO I STAYED AT HIS HOUSE TILL HE CAME BACK HOME FROM LUNCH.HE TOOK AN EARLY LUNCH ABOUT 9:30. WE WATCHED TV A WHILE THEN WE WENT TO HIS BEDROOM HIS HEAD WAS HURTING BAD. SO NOT MUCH HAPPENED. WE JUST LAID THERE AND TALKED. HE WAS TELLING ME HOW BEAUTIFUL I WAS AND HOW PRETTY MY EYES WERE .AND THAT HE WISHED I COULD BE IN HIS ARMS ALWAYS. BY THAT TIME IT WAS TIME FOR HIM TO GO TO WORK. SO I GOT DRESSED AND LEFT . TIM IS A WONDERFUL GUY, AND IF THINGS WERE DIFFERENT I WOULD BE WITH HIM. BUT I HONESTLY LOVE MY HUSBAND WITH ALL MY HEART. I KNOW I NEED TO SEEK COUNSELING,BUT I CANT AFFORD IT.IM SO CONFUSSED I LOVE BOTH MEN AND KNOW DEEP DOWN MY LIFE WITHOUT JAMES WOULD BE HOPELESS [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]

crystal,<p>How does a person go somewhere and then be surprise they are there? Did you no drive there? You went to his house intentionally. Just be honest. And while you are being honest, please tell your H about the visit. He has the right to make choices for himself based on all facts.<p>This forum is about Marriage Building. Dr. Harley does not spend his own hard earned money to provide a free site so you can expound about the pleasures of your affair.<p>Sorry, but there are many people here hurting and trying to recover. Your post will only cause them more pain.

zorweb is right...what you are posting could be verfy hurtful to others here...<p>I am not trying to chase you away, but those of us here are (mostly) trying to maintain and build and/or rebuild our marriages.<p>You do need to see a counselor...some workplaces offer free counseling through Employee Assistance Programs (both for employees and their family members) perhaps you or your husband has an EAP.<p>If not, can you talk to a paster/priest/minister etc...I think it might help.<p>You will continue to be in pain and face the conundrum you are in as long as you continue to see the OM....if you truly value your Husband you need to be honest with him and end your affair...<p>E

Crystal,<p>I understand how you can be caught up in this...he makes 'special' time for you...he tells you all the things a girl wants to hear...but...<p>what you're doing is wrong...you are hurting him (keeping him from pursuing a relationship with someone who is available) hurting your husband (whether he knows or not--you are stealing time, lying to him and a whole slew of other things) and hurting yourself (your self-respect, dignity, integrity are all taking a beating here). <p>The OM called me last week--told me he wouldn't have to be watching tv if I was there. Did I have the guts to tell him I won't be coming anymore? No. Do I have to? YES!!! I'm an avoider--so I keep thinking maybe he'll just stop calling (he only calls every couple of weeks or so) and I won't have to be 'man' enough to do the right thing.<p>Whatever my problems with my h are, he has been faithful to me and he does not deserve this betrayal. And even if he had cheated, two wrongs never make a right.<p>Crystal, WE (you and I both) must stop all contact with OM if we truly love our husbands. All contact. Zorweb is right, you made a conscious decision to go over there. Now, if you love your husband, make a conscious decision to be faithful.
Check with your local mental health department, there are some clinics that charge for therapy on a sliding scale. There is help if you really want it.<p>Please stay in touch.
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franklymydear59@yahoo.com

Crystal,
You can't have both men. You will lose one or both by continuing your affair.<p>You made a decision to go there. The car did not drive itself. <p>You made a decision to go into the house, you weren't magically transported inside. <p>You made a decision to go into the bedroom. <p>You made a decision to take off your clothes (since you had to get dressed before leaving).<p>Stop pretending you weren't in control of your actions. You made all those decisions. <p>As a start, take responsibility for them--whether they are right or wrong, you made them.<p>Where do you want to go with your life? You say your life would be hopeless without James...then don't do things that will lead to losing James. Set that as your goal. And say good-bye to Tim.<p>I know it isn't easy, I've been there, but choose the right thing, the honorable thing, to do, and do it.

<p>[ January 20, 2002: Message edited by: MMMMM ]</p>

diddallas,<p> What is the real story on you??? Your yahoo profile says you're a male.

weepingwife,<p>I have a profile on yahoo? How would I find that? I'm serious.<p>The real story, sad as it is, is just what you read here. I don't think it would benefit anyone, especially me, to come here for help and lie.<p>[ December 21, 2001: Message edited by: diddallas ]</p>

http://profiles.yahoo.com/franklymydear59<p>Based on your e-mail provided above

well, that's interesting..hold on----nope, huge boobs still there [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I think I will leave it that way...

weeping,
it's an hour later and sure enough...the boobs are still there!!! Boy is my h gonna be surprised when he finds out I'm a man!