He will be here for Christmas with the kids, I know this. Am not sure how I feel about him being here, hasn't asked if he can stay here or if he'll get a room somewhere. Youngest said dad could have her room and she will move in with me. She needs a new mattress and says' Maybe if dad has to sleep on it he will get me a new one" <p>I am trying so hard to keep this an upbeat christmas for myself, my kids and my family, how do I handle WH being here?<p>Don't think I am strong enough for this one!!!<p>Dawn<p>Please pray for me!!!

Dawn,<p>You can do this. Try to see this visit through the eyes of the children. Try to think about kids and Dad, not H and you. <p>Do you want him to stay at the house? Would it be easier on you if he didn't? How long is he going to stay?<p>You CAN do this. Do it for the kids. Make it your Christmas gift to them, your offering to them.<p>{{{Dawn}}} Thinking of you,
Estes

What Estes said is right, do this for the kids. I think you can do it too. I'll pray that you'll find the strength and not hurt at all while he's there. That you'll not only just get thru it, but that you'll feel some joy when doing it.<p>Just look into your children's faces, you'll get your strength there.<p>God Bless,
Jo<p>p.s. Estes, you are such a wonderful person.

Estes and Jo,<p>WH cruised by and went home to Utah will end up driving an extra 24 hours when all is done, so will be exhausted when he gets here tomorrow, it is our sons 20th birthday. Son has screwed up so badly this past week that he will probably be fired from his job tonight. Is mad and upset as I wouldn't give him $300 to help cover the cost of the GF plane ticket, he had enough to cover a $360 ticket yesterday, they jumped to $1555.72 today, GF dad found one for $550 + tax and wanted me to help them out. So son is sulking big time, really need to get him to a doctor as I think he is fighting some depression and needs some help. Was very dissappointed about the dad thing tonight, As I was too, wanted to let someone else handle the problem for a change.<p>
I am doing the christmas thing for the kids, it will just be hard I know, I am trying to leave it as a dad and kid thing. <p>My family always does family gifts christmas eve after services, so will do that with my kids and parents, am not sure if H will go to church or not, don't know if I want him there when we are at my folk's opening gifts or not, should I let him be part of the family? Will he see what he is missing and giving up or will he just be getting his cake and eating it too? And then Christmas morn we've always opened Santa gifts, I plan on going to my folk's house across the street and hanging for the day, so that WH will have the house with the kids, for their own celebration.<p>I so wish that he would just say that he is sorry and that he really does want to stay married, but don't think that will happen as in an e mail he said that he wanted to talk about the divorce, I have decided that I will not discuss this at all at this time, I have always had a hard time with Christmas and just don't need that on top of all the other remeberences I have with the holiday.<p>Again thanks for the pep talk I appreciate it, Ladies.<p>My daughter just passed out again!! UGH!!! Have an appointment tomorrow with the doc.<p>Good night, Dawn

Dawn,<p>Tell us what you mean about your D passing out! It sounds alarming.<p>I'm sure your son is upset, but I think you did the right thing.<p>As to your H going to your family's, if it won't cause too much stress for you and if your parents can accept your H in spite of what he is doing (that is, if they cared for each other before all this started), I'd say let him come. However, if he is being opening disrespectful of you, I don't see what good would come from his being with the family. Do the kids what him there?<p>Check in tomorrow and let us know what is happening.<p>Estes

My 16 yo D has migarine headaches real bad, she didn't go to school this week cause of one last Thursday.<p>She is fine, didn't pass out just was real dizzy and now has a headache.<p>She can't take imatrex or the other drugs for migarines as she is asthmatic and they cause problems with that, so she takes an anti-seizure med and then an anti-depressent, we had just changed her meds and that is why she is having problems right now. It really sucks!! She has had the headaches for a year and a half now.<p>Thanks for asking.<p>My H has been here twice since the seperation and my parents are cold but ok with him, my brother is here too and he hasn't seen WH since seperation, that may be hard as they had been friends.<p>I HAVE TWO CHOICES as I see it, either freak out and lose it or stay calm and not let it all get to me. I am choosing the later.<p>Dawn

Dawn...you can do it...<p>TAke a deep breath, and be resolved to treat him like an old friend...kindness and goodwill...but keep your boundaries...<p>...aren't families fun? take out some baby pics of son to look at... remind yourself of his sweet and innocent days [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] ...<p>...as for daughter...good luck...I know that migraines aren't fun...has she kept a food and mood diary? sometimes it helps to track down the 'triggers.' Also...Excedrin Migraine has sometimes worked for me when prescriptions didn't...<p>take another deep breath...it will all be over before we know it...look for the joy of the season...<p>Cali

Dawn,
I think that letting your H participate in all the family Christmas, with you having a joyful heart, could be a VERY POWERFUL Plan A time for you. My H and I are separating as of 2/2/02. My H is pushing for D (we are talking to a lawyer on 1/3/01). He is seeing OW every morning before work, yet claims that there isn't a relationship there. In spite of all of this, my H wants to do one last Christmas as a family. At first I said NO WAY. Now, I'm almost looking forward to it. It may very well be the last one we have as a family. I want to make it the BEST. Pray for God to give you a joyful heart about it. <p>Take care,<p>MOM

I really agree with MOM...why not see this as one final opportunity to show him what he is missing? I am not saying be sappy sweet and give anyone cavities, but to truly see the family, how he is needed by the kids...you can keep a "distance" so as to protect yourself and shield from expectations, but, might be a great time for the "all-out-butt-kickinest" Plan A time!<p>Good luck with whatever you decide!! Never give up...never ever give up as long as you are still standing!<p>*Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.*<p>Trueheart

What great coaches you are!!!<p>You have that half time pep talk thing down!!<p>Went to sons job this morning and took him to breakfast. Just got home.<p>Have fudge and buckeyes to finish for the neighbor trays and doc appt this afternoon.<p>We are all going up to ride the 1880 train in the Black Hills tomorrow and will go see Crazy Horse and Mt Rushmore. So should be a good time!!!<p>I hope that we get the snow that they keep talking of for tonight, as I bought sleds for everyone and that has always been so fun.<p>I have planned A very well the last few weeks, when I knew that he would be seeing her a little bit. Am still trying to come up with a gift that would mean something to him from me, am not sure what that would be, he sent his ring and the heart off his necklace to me after his last visit, so was thinking that perhaps I will get something new for the necklace like an eagle or NY Yankees pendent.<p>Must go and get the fudge done.<p>Dawn

I know this will sound simplistic and I don't have much useful input to help with your holiday problems except to say keep your chin up and try to enjoy the joys of the season rather than dwelling on the bad things.<p>What I can say though is that I too used to get horrible migraines that made me violently ill they were usually short lived, if I could get to sleep for 4-5 hours they would generally go away. The thing that helped me stop them was when I even get a tiny twinge of a headache I pop two Excedrin. The key is to catch it before it gets too far along. It sounds stupid but it really is "the headache medicine". Nothing else has ever worked for me with headaches but I haven't had a migraine since. It may not work as well for your daughter but I thought I'd make the suggestion as I know how miserable she probably is.
Happy Holidays!!! I hope everything turns out ok for you and your family.
sj

Dawn,<p>Remember the armour!! You are going to do absolutely great, you know why, you are telling yourself you will. My prayers will be with you. I know the holidays are a real bummer for most everyone on here, but isn't it nice to know that they will pass and maybe some good memories will come of them?<p>I don't have the great advice, but I wanted to let you know I was here.

RAINE,<p>Yes the armour is on!!! I will survive!!!<p>sweetjane,<p>Tha thanks for the input, will see the Neurologist on Thursday, so hope we can get these things back under control.<p>
Just an FYI, WH is here, was here when brother and I got home, went to give him a hug and got a kiss instead. So will see how things work out!!!<p>Dawn