lim,<p>I'll be spending a couple of days at my Mom's (she has alzheimers and it's my weekend to watch her). I probably won't have a chance to get online. <p>I'll be seeing my lawyer on Monday to go over some final details on my response and counter complaint. As I told you before, she's concerned that my W may not contest my counter complaint, but I doubt it. Why admit to anything now after 8 months of denial? The paperwork will probably be sent to her lawyer sometime next week. Should be interesting. If she brings it up, I'll probably say something like... "I don't want a D. I love you and I still believe in our marriage, but whatever happens, I need to know the truth for my own peace of mind". Then I'll follow your advice and disengage in further talks about it. If she presses me to talk about, I may just say I was advised by my lawyer not to. Maybe that's not a good idea. Should I completely close the door on talking about it? Whattya think?<p>If I don't hear from you, have a wonderful Christmas and thanks for the "coaching"!!!! <p>sad dad

hi SD- thanks for the update on you. I think you are on the right track with the legal things- if you do what you said in your post I think things will go the best that they can. Of course its unpredictable how your W will respond to you, but what you DO have control over is how much you say to her and what you say. Fighting with her over whether divorce is right or wrong won't get you anywhere at this point- although I think its good to state to her that YOU believe it's wrong and harmful to your daughter- and that's why its best to keep those conversations short and sweet. Plus its part of their facing the consequences of what they are doing- your not taking the bait to get in an emotional brawl with them any longer. Speaking of emotional brawls, my H is on vacation time for the rest of Dec. and we got in a big fight yesterday. It started about the xmas budget money and went from there right into how bad I still feel from the way he treated me during the A and afterwards. Luckily we had a counseling appt last night which helped us start to work thru things. Plus today is really a trigger day fro me because this is the anniversary date of when H's EA became PA last year at the xmas company party that spouses were excluded from and to top it off it was OW's bday and he stayed out half the night with her!Ewwww ticks me off just thinking about it! I am STILL reeling from the emotional aftermath of H's A.I tend to blame myself for the fact that our marriage went bad. H assured me it wasn't anything specific I did though that caused him to have the A. Marriage is HARD work!!!!! lifeismessy

lim,<p>Sorry to hear that those triggers still come up to bite you, but it's good that you're still in counseling and that your H is taking responsibility for his choices and not blaming you. That show's growth on his part IMO.<p>You're right about arguing about divorce. All I can do is state my opinions/feelings on the subject and avoid the "who's right/who's wrong" debate. I also won't get into a discussion about why I think she's having an A, what I know regarding it or what my lawyer plans to do. Better to keep her guessing. I know what I know, my lawyer will find out more and I'll let the chips fall where they may.<p>sad dad

oh no! sd! I was counting on you being around this weekend to keep me sane! <p>Oh well... I'll make it [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] . If we don't hear from ya again... have a good weekend and a good Christmas. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Faith1,<p>Sorry, my Mom doesn't have a computer (not even sure if she knows what one is... that wasn't nice, but if I don't laugh about it, well you know...)<p>I'll try to get online sometime this weekend, so feel free to call me out.<p>sad dad

sd,<p>Have a nice time watching your mom!! I know it is hard to think of our parents that wasy, but as you said you must keep your sense of humor about you!!<p>
Have a great Holiday Season and enjoy the time with your daughter!!!<p>Good luck with the lawyer on Monday. I am sure WH will push to talk about D over the holidays and I have decided that I am just going to state that it is not approperiate to discuss and this time of year and that if he would like to talk after January I will set down with him then!!<p>Take Care, Dawn

daybreak,<p>I think it's a good idea that you put off any D talks until after the holidays. Maybe that's what my W's doing. She hasn't said a thing about the D since she filed 7 weeks ago. No mention of selling the house, cancelling credit cards, interim custody and living arrangements, who get's what, etc. Very strange. <p>Try to get as much enjoyment as possible from your kids this time of year. Don't expect anything from your husband and you won't be disappointed. <p>sad dad