I need help. For the last 6 years, my husband has slept on couch. I do snore, have horrible sinus problems. Very little sex. So I snoop on the computer. I know he talks to this women. I managed to figure out his password and saw e-mails. Not many but he says "...miss you...smooch" and e-mails from him telling her about our family problems..step-kid issues. Of course I confronted him and he said I was an idiot for looking, that there's nothing there. Okay well, he is always home..but always on computer. So I continued to snoop and found voice mails from a couple of years ago from/to someone but he says he doesn't know who it was. Well she was singing to him...said on one, "you just left and I out of breath." So through my devices I found out the e-mail woman's phone number and guess what...the woman on the answering machine is the same voice in the e-mails. Also when we've made love the last few times,.he talked to me in ways he NEVER has before. We've been married 18 years. How do I handle this?? I LOVE this man. He is very introverted and has a low self esteem. I am the strong type. I am driving myself absolutely insane over this. Please help.

camden019,<P>You've come to right place. You need to check out the information provided by Dr. Harley to help you work through your problems.<P>If you h has slept on the couch for 6 years because you snore, then it's time for you to see a specialist about taking care of that snoring. A girlfriend of mine had a "deviated spetum (sp??)" which they repaired. Guess what, she sleeps better, and doesn't snore! She was even able to get the insurance to pay for it because the doctor said it was necessary!!!<P>Keep posting here! People are very helpful, and will give you a lot of advice.<P>Dragonfly<p>[This message has been edited by Dragonfly (edited September 10, 1999).]

Yes, I am getting the snoring taken care. Having a sleep study on 9/25 and then surgery to correct my sinus problem and yank my tonsils..at 43 can you imagine.

My H also had an online affair 8 months ago. It started with chat and developed into mysterious last minute trips out of town. Read through Dr. Harley's material on why affairs happen and how they should end. The one piece of advice I wish I would have heard was. . . Confront lovingly! You have to confront the issue and settle for nothing less than the whole truth! But do it lovingly. Good luck! I am 8 months into the recovery process with H and it is a hard road! Everyone says that if you make it, it is worth it. I hope both are true in my life and yours as well.

camden019,<P>Hey why not at 43?? You're still a young woman. Heck, they say 50 is the new 30!!! I hope so!!<P>Anyway, I imagine that this whole thing has you quite distraught. I found pictures of my h's affair (yuck, yuck, yuck); which started on the internet. That was three months ago, and believe it or not, I'm still with him. Corny, but our marriage might be better for it.<P>It's very hard, and many days I become very bitter and do a lot of "love busting" but I figure I deserve a few of those, and so does my h.<P>Overall he's a good man, but he has a problem, and we're working on it slowly. Maybe a little too slowly at times, but we are strangely happy together (his opinion as well as mine). He doesn't know what possessed him, and he'd better hope it doesn't possess him again, or else I may do more than smash the computer monitor on the back patio (he he).<P>Good luck and keep posting. I'll try to keep in touch!<P>Dragon