This is kind of a follow up from my "Christmas Morning Dilemma" post.<p>I just got off the phone with my WW. I could tell by the tone of her voice that she wasn't having a very good day. I very calmly proceeded to tell her that if she would like, we could invite everyone over to this house that morning and I would do anything she needed to help her get ready. She wanted no part of it. She said she always has to make concessions and she wasn't backing down this time. I really had to fight the urge to respond like I wanted to.<p>Concessions? Exactly what has everyone around her been doing for the past year because they love her? Our lives (myself, kids and extended family) have been one big concession ever since she moved out! <p>But then I found out what the real problem was. It turns out that her parents, whom she invited to her place for that morning, have now UNINVITED themselves. It appears that my mother-in-law, God bless her, got wind of the fact that there was a problem between Mom and her daughters on where to spend Xmas morning. So they have told their daughter that they aren't going anywhere until things get straightened out.<p>Which brings up another benefit of Plan A that I am just now realizing. All this work I am doing on myself. The fact that I haven't reacted with hostility to my WW all these months. I have let everyone in both families know that I want to save my marriage and reconcile with my wife. All this time I figured this Plan Aing would make me look like I'm letting her walk all over me.<p>It appears that another bonus that comes from Plan A is that it changes how others close to the WS view them. My wife is now facing the prospect of spending Christmas day alone. As sad as that sounds, it is by her own choosing and others close to her (namely her parents)can see how self centered her actions are becoming.<p>I really don't think that it is going to happen this way. We all will be spending Christmas Eve at her parent's home with her brothers family. There is just too much time between now and Tuesday that we will be exposed to each other and I think things will calm down. She'll probably end up trying to make us feel lucky that she will be willing to change her mind and come here. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img]

AH - good job!!<p>Yea, the "concessions" thing sounds very typical of the systemic disease they have - a failure to see themselves - or even LOOK, for that matter. <p>My W's favorite comparable accusation is that I've tried to ruin her financially. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Hello? Anybody home in there? How much are you paying in rent? How much is OM paying in rent and to his unemployed wife? Whose decisions caused this? Mine?<p>In a session with Steve months ago, he described how universal it is for the WSs to "paint over all the mirrors in their lives." They just don't look critically at themselves like everybody else does all the time. This is why it's soooooo easy for BSs and others close to them to roll their eyes at the hypocrisy - it stands out like a fart in church.