After looking over this site I would say that I have been in this Plan A for about 6 months. Nothing has made a difference. Wife still cheats and won't put us first ahead of her friends or her lover. She won't even try. She couldn't care less about what she is doing to me or the children. <p>My new Plan S is going to be right after Christmas. At that time I intend to take my life. It isn't worth anything now anyway. I am a 40ish man with a spare tire and going bald. No job and few prospects. What could the furture hold for me?<p> Without my wife I am nothing. I will end it and let God decide my fate for eternity. Hell couldn't be worse than this pain. Besides, I have never seen where killing oneself is a sin that will send me to hell. Someone point it out for me and I may reconsider.<p> Christmas day I will be full of cheer for my family. I will eat and be merry for appearances sake. Then on the 26th I will drive my car into either an 18 wheeled truck at 90 miles per hour or I will pull in front of a locomotive. Either one of those should do the trick. And to the kids it will look like an accident. So they shouldn't be scarred for life. I do love them and want the best for them. But the love of my life is gone and I cannot go on without her. After 22 years of marriage.

Listen to me please<p>Doing what you are planning will not solve any problems. You will not be happier and your children won't either. Your death will solve nothing but your life could solve a great many woes.<p>You said you have a spare tire and are balding.
And your point is what? You can lose the weight - I am in the same age group. I lost 40 pounds in the past 3 and half months. As for the balding who cares? True love doesn't need hair.<p>As for employment jobs can be found. You may need to look harder or in different places or take a job you don't like for awhile but they are out there. You can and will get through this.<p>You profess a belief in God. Do you not think that God has a belief in you? He will place nothing more on us than we can bear and we will be stronger because of it.<p>Call a crisis center please. Ask them for help.<p>Others have started with far less and still struggle through. The reward at the end of the journey is worth the potholes along the way. You need to make that journey to find out though. <p>If you drive your car into a semi or a train you could kill others. Others who are needed by their families and friends. Others who may be struggling as well and whose journies may be closer or farther to the end than yours. <p>I despaired of my wife coming home and later that day she decided that she would come home. She isn't here yet but she is coming home. <p>Have faith in the God you profess to believe in and realize that He answers your prayers in HIS time and not yours. And His answers are a lot wiser than our prayers.<p>Please seek help and don't do this.<p>God Bless you

about2die <p>I am very sorry to hear what you are going through. This is a difficult time for you. This web site could be of great help to you. Just about everyone in this part of the Marriage Builder (MB) forum has been through something similar to what you are going through. Please start out by reading the material on this web site. <p>Here are links to three threads that will get you started on the right foot….<p>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=29&t=000940<p>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=29&t=000553<p>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=29&t=000557<p>You mention your Plan S. At first I thought you meant a separation. But you are talking about suicide, are you not? If you are having serious thoughts of suicide I’d say that you are very depressed. Have you seen a doctor about medication to help with your depression? Please think very carefully about taking your own life. If your wife is not in a place mentally to care for your children, who will take care of them with you gone? What will become of your children if both their mother and father abandons them? One through an affair and the other through suicide. Do you really want to do something that is, in many ways, much worse then your wife’s affair? I really don’t think you do. I think you are reaching out for help because you are hurting.<p>Suicide is a sin. Ask our pastor he could give you the exact quotes to back it up. Murder is murder, even if one is murdering one’s self.<p>RE: Christmas day I will be full of cheer for my family. I will eat and be merry for appearances sake. Then on the 26th I will drive my car into either an 18 wheeled truck at 90 miles per hour or I will pull in front of a locomotive. Either one of those should do the trick. <p>Your plans for your suicide are interesting. What you will be doing is putting the burden of your suicide on a stranger. The truck driver or train engineer who you unwillingly co-opt to kill you will live with the guilt of this for the rest of their lives. I’ve known a couple of people who killed someone in an accident.. Accidents that were strange in that appears that the person was trying to get killed. My friends have struggled with the guilt for their entire lives since the accidents. Do you really want to do this to someone? In addition, your plan could cause the driver, passengers and others on the road to be injured and/or killed as well. Causing this type of accident will surely be racking up the mortal sins for you. Have you thought through what you will do if you survive the accident? You could come out of it alive but severely crippled. And if it is obvious that you caused the accidents on purpose, then you could be charged with felonies. Have thought all of this through? My bet is that you have not.<p>And as for your children. How old are they? No matter if your death is a suicide or and accident they will be very hurt. Who is going to be there for them once you are gone? You kids need you.<p>I highly recommend that you read the book “Surviving an Affair”. It will explain why affairs happen and what you can do to work towards recovering your marriage. Your marriage is not over until the ink is dried on divorce papers. Until that moment there is very high probability that you can recover your marriage… even as dismal as it may seem right now. Check out the concepts of Plan A and Plan B. If you will read the book and post here, we can all help you through this. This forum has been a life and marriage saver for many people.<p>There are a few statistics that might surprise you. Infidelity occurs in about 60% of all marriages. Of those, 98% of the marriages recover from the affair. Many, many marriages grow and become stronger after an affair. Affairs, has horrible and hurtful as they are, are wakeup calls for both spouses. Most affairs last from 6 months to 2 years at which time they die a natural death.<p>You say that you have been in Plan A for about 6 months. Are you familiar with the concepts of the MB Plan A? What have you been doing for the past 6 months that you feel is like Plan A? In this time, what changes have you made in yourself? People generally enter into affairs because many of their emotional needs are not being met. Do you have any idea which of your wife’s emotional needs were/are not being met? Which of your needs were not being met? These are the types of things that the MB concepts encourage us to look at. <p>RE: It isn't worth anything now anyway. I am a 40ish man with a spare tire and going bald. No job and few prospects. What could the future hold for me? <p>Well you could get a job couldn’t you? As for your age. I can only tell you that I divorced my ex-h at the age of 46 because of his affairs. We had been together 20 years, married for 14 of those years. My current husband was divorced, after 14 years of marriage, when he was 44 because his wife left him for her OM (other man). We met shortly after his divorce and were married in June 2000. There is a lot of life left in both of us. We have custody of his children and my son. We are both very happy. As a matter of fact, this marriage is so much better then my previous marriage.

your kids need you. no matter how unhappy you think you are, you will scare them for life if you kill yourself.<p>leave your wife, take your kids, start over. you can be happy, if it hurts to see her, go to plan B<p>believe i know you can be happy without the WS, I am at peace now, do I miss being married, yes but I like living where I do not have to worry about everything I do, like I said I am at peace, happy not yet, too many problems with OS & money but I am getting there.<p>you and you only are responible for your own happiness.<p>take care, rethink what you are planning, go talk to someone and remember there is almost always someone on here who will listen(read) what you feel, most of us have been there, some of us are still there<p>my prayers are with you

Dear, DEAR about2die,
First of all, do you think when you die your W will magically start caring about your children? Not going to happen. They NEED you! Suicide IS a sin. One of the 10 commandments is THOU SHALT NOT KILL. Please, if you hear nothing else I'm saying, hear this:<p>My first husband committed suicide. Our son was 4 months old. It is a SELFISH, SELF-CENTERED thing to do. You have NO idea of the devastation you will be leaving behind. Sure, it would end your pain; on earth. Do you know how LONG ETERNITY IN HELL IS? I personally, don't ever want to find out. That is where you will be, my friend. You will NEVER see your children again. Or, if the devil let's you see them, you will have a first-hand look at what your self-centered actions have done to your children. No matter WHAT their ages. My son is now 17 years old, and he STILL suffers. He never knew his biological father. Now my 2nd husband is divorcing me and my son is feeling abandoned all over again.<p>If I seem angry with you, you're DARN right I am. What right do you think you have to leave your children? How could you POSSIBLY know that your wife is going to continue on in the selfish things she's doing right now?<p>Are you afraid to turn this entire situation over to God? That's the only choice you have my friend. Ask God to TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE. And do it now. He will give you the peace and the strength to get through this. Also, once you turn your life over to him (seeking your happiness ONLY from HIM), he can turn your wife's heart IN AN INSTANT!!!! God creates MIRACLES. He made a virgin pregnant with the SAVIOR OF THE UNIVERSE.<p>I am begging you, AND GOD IS BEGGING YOU, do NOT throw your life away. You are precious and perfect in his sight. <p>Almighty Father in Heaven;
This man needs you NOW, father, to take control of his life. He is in the pits of despair. Please grab ahold of him and turn his head towards you, father. Please let him know that he is worthy of your love. Tell him, father, that he need only look to you and all of his life can be complete. Let him know that you will never leave him, nor forsake him. Father, let him focus on his children, and get the devil OUT of his site. Wash him and his household in the cleansing blood of Jesus. Put someone in his life, RIGHT NOW, father, that he may be saved in the flesh. I ask all of these things in your precious son Jesus' name.<p>AMEN<p>MOM

about2die, your feelings are normal, pretty much everyone here has felt like killing themself at some point, and that includes both sides bs and ws (and that includes me, a ws, and one who used to think people who thought about suicide were some kind of defective person). It is normal to want to escape such intense pain, and suicide has a particular appeal when you feel there is nowhere left to go. Others here will give you all the reasons not to be hasty in this, and things to think about. I am going to suggest one thing...time, take time, let time work....time is the healer of emotional turmoil and pain. You can always kill yourself another day, but you can never return, is a one-way trip. Give yourself time, at least 6 months, do the work you need to do, and lots of folks will explain that, try to lose some weight, even look into that hair club for men thing they advertise on TV all the time, if that is an issue for you. <p>And one other thing, often folks in emotional pain think killing themself will cause someone(s) to feel guilty and such...IT DOES NOT, humans don't work that way, oh someone may be sorry for awhile, but it quickly fades (remember that time thingy), and life goes on with or without you. The difference is you will no longer be able to make a diference in your kids lives, or anyone else, maybe people you do not even know. And that is the real issue. Now if you were some kind of psychopath, who hurt people and wouldn't change, maybe world would be better off without you, but that is not the case....you have things to offer, and "we" need you, so take that 6 months, and watch your life closely, then contemplate suicide at that time, and whether it makes any sense.

About2Die,
Many people here know exactly how you feel. I know how you feel. I know you hurt but there are better solutions for your problems.
So your physical appearance is going downhill. Welcome to the club. But that can be fixed.
You don't have a job? Been there. That can be fixed.
You may not need your kids, but they need you. They always will. My father died a natural death when I was a teenager. It was freaking devastating. That was over thirty years ago. I still think of him everyday. You getting splattered by an 18-wheeler will negatively affect them FOREVER! All accidents are preventable. I have seen suicides - NOT the solution. You affect countless people although you may not realize it.
There is help, there is hope, there is a better way. You just have to believe us and learn from us.

about2die,
This is all very advice. There's really not much I can add. <p>Are you still lurking/reading? Talk to us. There are many of us here that are going through or have gone through similar situations and feel or felt like you. Don't make any decisions right now. Talk to us, tell us what's been going on. There's other steps for you to take to get yourself out of that painful situation besides killing yourself.

about2die,<p>Are you still here? Please post to us so that we know. We are concerned about you and here for you.

>about2die<p>My mother commited suicide just after I was born.
While I was 'unaware' of it at the time, the impact is still present. (I'm 45 now).<p>I was and am in the same situation you are.
I remember driving home one night jsut last year and just crying while driving and, after DDay 25 years ago), just being SO TIRED of it. I remember looking for a sturdy tree or bridge abuttment or telephone pole that I could hit squarly and being very suprised that I couldn't find one. That started an internal 'wouldn't you know...' kind of conversation which got me past the moment.<p>Eventually I chose drugs... wellbutrin, which really helped to take away the 'why not?'<p>However, to be honest, I still live with a huge aching longing for the kind of connectedness that we had that I lost. <p>It is very sad but when it is at its worst, I need to just be alone with my dog which is as good as it can get nowadays. Wifely love was all I wanted but doggie love is damn good too. <p>My heart goes out to you..

Hey AB2d & everyone else.<p>This is not a good thinking pattern. Sorry for the corny start. But you need to get support and help. You have been reading for 6 months? You posted only now? <p>Look we have heard this before and many of us understand those feelings (me for one). I am sending a message to the moderator of this site, it is important that you understand we do not take this lightly. <p>Your life is precious. I used to tell my H that he was not worth dying over. But the feeling of the s still ran rampant. It will take a while to restore yourself but you HAVE TO GIVE YOURSELF TIME. <p>Planning when shows you care (believe it or not) doing it shows you dont care. <p>Please respond to us and let us know how you are doing. Do you need to speak with someone here as well? Can you get to a counselor or doctor ASAP? This time of year is hard for many and depression runs rampant. Not just the holidays and the memories but in some cases the lack of sunlight can affect the brain. Sounds silly but true. <p>Please work with us. We want to be here to help. <p>Take Care,
L.

About..<p>PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not do this to yourself!!!! Your kids NEED you! NOTHING is worth killing yourself! Please get the help that you need as soon as possible! <p>GOD BLESS YOU!<p>Bryan

about2die,<p>Please talk to us. WE ARE HERE 24/7.<p>We acknowledge your agony and your pain.<p>We also know that you can get through this as bad as it is now.

You are a person of value. Don't give your wife this much power over you and your children.<p>Please don't do this to your children. You are the only stability they have right now.<p>Don't take other people to their deaths in an attempt to end your pain.<p>There is a better way for all of you.<p>We are here for you, please talk to us.
Estes

about2die,
Been there twice brother, my FIL & BIL notice it and they flew in and help me out. Helped me to see my selfworth ... I am going to be 39 y/o this Thursday ... my WW is w/ OM, not even giving me a BDay card or Christmas present, and refuse to come w/ us to vacation. I refuse to give up, I know it is not me and I have 2 beautiful D that need my love & caring. I live my life, doing silly thing with them. GET HELP, CONTACT US w/ your phone# to our email exhange. You have so many poster here that will try to walk with you past through this darkest point of your live.

About2,<p>I wish I had my hands on your right now. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] It wouldn't be pleasant at all. If you are going to die About2 do it for something worthwhile: saving another's life, defending your children, something.<p>NOT FOR A WORTHLESS WOMAN, THAT WON'T GIVE YOU OR HER CHILDREN THE TIME OF DAY.<p>The previous responses are dead on, you will be hurting your children, and the innocent people you involve with your death, but your W??? Hardly, she gets out free, not guilt, nothing. You are gone and her affair and the contribution of her friends goes unnoticed, unresolved, and without guilt.<p>YOU WANT REVENGE??? Lead your life well. Get in shape, if the hair thing bothers you do the transplant or hairpiece. Become a better father, a better man, a more driven man and let your W go whereever she will. <p>It is unlikely that your suicide will help anyone. It will devastate your kids, it will very likely make your W happy, and it will leave the rest of your family trying to figure out how they failed you: for the rest of their lives. <p>Mister get a grip and get going. If she is as bad as you say, file for divorce on the grounds of adultery. Fight for your children and yourself. If you do, you will become the type of man many women appreciate. <p>Most of the us guys here know about the age thing and being a good bit older than you, I know that your life as many interesting things in the future. Get a job, move if you have to, get in shape, but mostly focus on making your life a success and I don't mean just a financial success.<p>About2 your plan of action is doomed to failure chose one that has a chance of success.<p>God Bless,<p>JL

Please, Please don't think that way, your kids need you. We are all here for support whenever you need it.<p>I am in the same position my H left me and our three kids and doesn't even care, I know how you feel, taking your life is not going to sove the problem it will make things worse.<p>Please respond back to some of these replys, we are worried about you.<p>
Love Sally

Please don't put this burden on us. Please respond and let us help you. How could you come here with just this one post and leave us all hanging and praying like this when we have all suffered EXACTLY like you are now. <p>It is the holidays and a new year looms, one that can be great. Please come back and post and let us help you. Please change your screename to WANT TO LIVE PLEASE

A2d, <p>Gonna send some 'tough love' your way. <p>YOU ARE TOO NEW HERE TO BE THINKING ABOUT THIS OPTION!!! <p>My in-laws have this tendancy. My H lost his brother to suicide and my grandmother lost her 1st H to the same. Loss of such lives are never worth it. <p>I understand the despair and that his why so many here are reaching out to you. Take advantage of this support from this group and your other venues. I can speak from experience that this very group has helped me. A few times it took a swift kick in the pants to stop me from doing whatever. The most recent was last night. I wanted to do something rather stupid and an MBer here was smart enough not to get me get off the phone until I promised her that I would not call OW!!!!

So there are degress of support here. No we can not take away all your pain. But you can learn how to cope with it. <p>Please let us know how you are doing. Please. <p>L.

Hey y'all, it's obvious whoever wrote this meant it to be a one-time post. There's no way to know whether or not it's a hoax or if they are serious, but I say we take it as serious.<p>I am still new enough here, that I have to ask this.. is there anyone (moderators or someone?) who can get to this person's personal information and get ahold of this person?<p>I am very scared for this person. My heart reaches out to him. I have said little prayers off and on all morning. If I knew who to contact I would do it myself!!