My marriage has been unhappy for many years. I could never remember a moment that I considered blissful, unless everything went the way my husband wanted. On June 30, 2001, my husband asked if divorce would make me happy. I answered yes. He said to give him a year to finalize the divorce and to get himeslf emotionally adjusted. At that time, I told him that I disliked drinking and that he should lose weight. He almost immediately stopped drinking and started to exercise. At the same time, he went on the net, registered with various dating service, looking for a new mate. On August 15, he started coresponding with a 34 year old divorcee from Beijing, China. Within two weeks, the affair was so deep - he chatted on line with her early in morning from 9am to noon, at night from 10pm to early morning 3am. He called her at least two times a day, each call lasting an hour or so. He also installed a separate phone line to call her and for her to call collect from China. I could hear the telephone conversations, verious intimate topics were discussed such as shaving of pubic hair, pyjamas preference, birth control pill, parts of bodies etc. When I expressed my anger over what was happening - his answer was I wanted a divorce causing him to do what he was doing. Later, he started to closed the room's door every time he called her - telling me not to go in as he was calling China. Meanwhile he had arranged for us to go marriage counselling. At the end of September, I realized that I should give this marriage another try - I told him I will change to what he wanted me to be - loving, not to work so hard, go on vacation - but he had to stop what was going on with the woman from China. He said NO - I was to change. It was impossible for me to change while he romanced another. Finally, on Nov 15, 2001, he left for China to meet the woman. The woman is 34 and my husband is 60 (but he lied to her that he was only 50 and divorced). While in China, he did not call home because he did not want to arouse this woman's suspicious. Then at the end of November, he emailed me that he intended to go to Philippines with this woman. At that time, I was so hurt - I answered 'Then it is good-bye for both of us'. He changed his mind and came home on Dec 3. From Dec 3 to this day, I tried everyday to be the person he wants me to be and we go for family counselling. But, he is still in contact with this woman - she sends him emails, love cards, call collect and he calls her too. I pleaded for him to stop - his answer was - he is watching me, seeing how long can I stay changed. In short, I am on probation, and he he is not dropping this woman until he is positive that I am the person he wants me to be. On Xmas eve, I found the photos of him and the woman - my husband hates photo-taking and never had any pictures taken with me - he allowed three pictures taken with her - I was very hurt. I expressed my anger and he instead of understanding, said I was immature that I should grow up. He was warned me that if I continue to talk about this woman, the marriage is ending. He told me that last Wednesday, he had sent a good-bye letter to this woman via internet. But, he still calling her and today, Dec 26, she had just sent him a loving email. My husband has told me that he was trying to let this woman down slowly so as not to hurt her. What about me? In this whole situation, I am the one suffering - he is happy because he has both worlds. She is happy because she does not know the real situation. PLEASE HELP ME - <p>Thank you.
