Today I received a card from my fav SIL (we'll call her "C"). None of the SILs have contacted me in the last year. They were our only family and all 3 of them live here. They've been my only family for 20+ years. I had confided everything to this SIL regarding XH's A, she is also my H's fav sister, they're very close.<p>It's quite a coincidence because I sent her an email 2 days ago but it bounced back (old email addy). So she never received it.<p>Here's what she said:<p>**************************************************
Dear Joanne,<p>I Miss You!<p>Been hard to handle not talking to you.<p>So .. I wish you all good things in life.<p>Love and God Bless,<p>C<p>Lets Talk Soon!<p>And she leaves me her new email addy.
**************************************************<p>So ... the reason I had emailed her was to ask her to talk to my XH and ask him to please leave me alone. And since she never received that email, I'm wondering if I should send an email asking for her help with continued contact from XH.<p>Like I mentioned, he and she are very close. She has a HUGE influence on him, she's the one that told XH to tell OW to STOP harassing me and that it was wrong that he condoned such abusive behavior by virtue of being with OW.<p>What do you guys think .. email her about it, or not? And if not, should I email her at all. It would be so hard for us NOT to discuss XH and OW. Just being honest. And I don't want to make her uncomfortable.<p>Thanks for your help everyone. <p>Love you guys ....<p>Jo<p>[ December 26, 2001: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>

Hi Jo,<p>You know me, I would respond. While she is his sister and you must always remember that, she appears to be adult enough to know how to separate the 2 relationships. From what you said before nothing has been done to harm the relationship between the 2 of you so she is inviting you and as long as you are comfortable with it, go for it! <p>After all, you did send her the first e-mail right? Maybe she was afraid to break the ice and now that you did she wants to reciprocate?!??!? [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Happy thoughts here!<p>L.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Orchid:
<strong>Hi Jo,<p>You know me, I would respond. While she is his sister and you must always remember that, she appears to be adult enough to know how to separate the 2 relationships. From what you said before nothing has been done to harm the relationship between the 2 of you so she is inviting you and as long as you are comfortable with it, go for it! <p>After all, you did send her the first e-mail right? Maybe she was afraid to break the ice and now that you did she wants to reciprocate?!??!? [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Happy thoughts here!<p>L.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Hi Orchid!<p>No, no, no .. SHE NEVER RECEIVED my email. The addy I used was invalid/old. Bounced back. Total coincidence she sent this card.<p>So, ya think I should email her and ask her for help with XH continuing to contact me, O?<p>Jo<p>[ December 26, 2001: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>

Hi Jo,<p>I vote for contacting her. After all, she was a best friend for decades. You also know that she is missing you. But, I don't think YOU should be the one to bring up your XH or ask for help. Let her be the one to bring things up. I know she will. Then, once she has opened the subject, you can get into asking for help. I'm glad for you that you could be resuming a comfortable relationship with her.<p>Good luck,
Estes

JO, I would email her and reestablish relationship... wait a while before bringing up H at all... wait and see if she mentions him... just so the two of you can be closer... Do you just want your EX out of your life for good? Does he contact you, and what about? Do you have kids? <p>i am a lot newer than you... and have major problems with my actual actions with my spouse... but hope I can see your situation with an outside view... or at least help you some... I appreciate your replies to me... and I did see your pics... yours and your H's- sad but you looked like a good couple...<p>
YOu may want to slap me for hearing me say that... hope not, I know you had to love him once... the guitar players are the wild ones, aren't they... my H plays guitar and so did his adulterous dad... is it like the guitar gives them license to cheat? Or just makes the women swoon more? My oldest son thinks guitar players suc, and doesn't want to be one... due to the irresponsible behavior he sees dad exhibit... he says he would rather be a doctor or something like that... instead of guitar player mentality... sad, but my H's sons make me miss him... He even wrote me an I miss you song since her left... but now is back on the Divorce track .... <p>Luck and Hugs to you. HONEY [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

Jo, I must of been posting same time as estes, see we both had same thought.. let sil bring him up first and slowly bring your thoughts into converstaion as appropriate... do not go right into contact asking for her to talk to him... that could hurt your new opportunity for close ties with her...<p>lisa

Ooohhh.....well same thought. Even more reason to see her. Maybe even better! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>You have my vote. <p>Luv,
L.

Thank you Estes and Honey,<p>I guess maybe I'll just send her a light email to say "Hola" and thank her for the card. Altho, I also believe because I won't allow XH contact, he may have asked her to see how I am, I can just hear him "I'm worried about Joanne, she won't let me talk to her or anything". Ughhhhh!<p>Honey,<p>My XH is the ultimate cakeman. First, he leaves me for OW and then HE DIVORCES ME! and here's the good part .... he wants to be with OW yet continues to contact me and tell me he loves me and misses me. Talking about hurtful and confusing. And "yes" I still love him, but he's too destructive and shows no signs of changing. It's so hard to meet a musician's EN of admiration, I'm only one person.<p>Ohhh, and your feelings regarding musicians/guitar players ... well you're right on the money. We have a few musician's wives here on the board. Very challenging to say the least.<p>I thought my H was different and broke that stereo typical bad boy mold ... what a dissapointment. Even our musician friends feel he has really made a mess of his and my life with his thoughtless acts. 2 OCs, 2 OW!!!!<p>Sorry ... got off on a vent tangent. <p>Anywhoooo, thank you for helping me.<p>Love,
Jo<p>p.s. Estes, will you adopt me??? LMAO! You always have the best advice and are so caring. I don't know how you're able to help so many people here, you respond on so many threads. Thank God we have you here.

Jo,<p>I'd be happy to adopt you. Our own daughter really is adopted, and we had emotionally adopted my DIL and her sister. Sigh.<p>While I'm off for Christmas break (two weeks!), I thought I'd make myself available. Otherwise, I'm reading, cleaning house, and worrying about my son. My computer chair and my reading chair are one and the same, so the computer is always handy.<p>Let us know about the visit.
Mom Estes<p>[ December 26, 2001: Message edited by: Estes49 ]</p>

Estes, will you adopt me, too? (G)<p>Resilient,<p>My vote goes to re-establishing the friendship and allowing your former SIL to bring up your ex on her own. I concur that to do it right away might not be the best way to go about things right now. It sounds as though she really does care about you and wants to keep you as a friend.<p>Plus, who knows - you might get the dish on the OW! (Not that you want it but ... heh-heh!)<p>belld

Sure, the more the merrier, belld, besides, you seem like a fellow animal-lover.<p>Me: 2 cats, 5 dogs, 3 parrots, 7 cockatiels [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Estes

Estes ....<p>WHAT? No horses?

No horses even though I'm Texas born and bred! I always liked them and rode friends' horses but we never had any of our own. My farm-raised dad grew up associating horses with hard work and never saw any glamour in them. We always went to stock shows and rodeos, though. Oh, some horse races, too. <p>Do you have horses?<p>Estes

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Estes49:
<strong>No horses even though I'm Texas born and bred! I always liked them and rode friends' horses but we never had any of our own. My farm-raised dad grew up associating horses with hard work and never saw any glamour in them. We always went to stock shows and rodeos, though. Oh, some horse races, too. <p>Do you have horses?<p>Estes</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Nope, I don't own any right now. There's an English Barn a mile from my home and I go there and exercise friends horses. BUT ... I may end up leasing a horse. They're so dang expensive, and leasing is an alternative many people now use as opposed to an out right purchase.<p>I LOVE HORSES! They're just so soulful. <p>Jo

Resilient, Glad to hear you ahve a new friend, your sil... or new old friend.. it is nice to know she still cares.. I would get the dish, but let her give it... unless you are just too done with it... SOMetimes. I think these bad boy guitar players.. learned guitar just to attract women to make them feel better about themselves.. sad, but true... I wonder what love songs of mine, he played for the OW???<p>HONEY.

Livestock is big here in West Texas. There was recently an auction of wild mustangs at the coliseum. The Dept of the Interior has it each year. The unbroken mustangs usually go for $125 upwards to $700-$800 for the special ones.<p>Well, I have 30 more pages to finish this scary
novel. Guess, I'll finish it then turn in. School breaks are the only time I have to read. So many books, so little time. <p>'night,
Estes

Hi Jo, I think it's wonderful that your SIL attempted contact with you. However, I think that your communication with her should be limited to anything BUT XH unless she brings it up. My thinking is that, because it was such a good friendship, the focus should be re-establishing YOUR relationship with the SIL, you know what I mean? I envision you replying with something simple like "I've missed you too. I hope you're doing well. It would be great to see you or hear from you. I look forward to it."<p>Jo, just wanted to let you know that I feel for you. Affairs break up more than one relationship which makes it doubly painful. <p>Hugs

Hi Terrified ...<p>Thanks for your input. I will do that, I'll keep it ever so light in my response to her.<p>I hurt so bad this Christmas knowing they all were here in the Harbor and celebrating Christmas eve with OW there in my place. <p>Every hour I imagined what they were doing, it use to be like clock work ... snack a bit, catch up with everybody and their kids while some of us are in the kitchen cooking, I always peeled all the potatoes (have 4 nephews who are strictly meat and potatoes guys ... they're so handsome too), then we pick who plays Santa and open presents. I really had a hard time this year thinking OW was peeling my potatoes, felt so insignificant and disposed of, like no one even noticed. But with help from friends here I made it thru it.<p>Now, hearing from her makes me think they didn't just forget about me. It made me feel better about stuff. <p>Lora and I were talking today and she said she had a SIL that was replaced by infidelity and she really never heard from her again. Lora said she never really thought how very very hard that must have been for her until Lora experienced this herself. And I agree, until you've experienced this, you just couldn't know how devistating it is.<p>Terrified, how are you doing? How was your Christmas? You seem a bit stronger.<p>Love,
Jo<p>[ December 26, 2001: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>

Jo, I really hope that one day, the love you so deserve comes your way. You have so much to give. Maybe XH just didn't feel he was good enough for you?<p>Despite some of my H's actions and comments, Christmas was very nice. The reason I may sound stronger is that I've been seeing my H more through the holidays and it seems as if we're still really a "couple" (although he continues to remind me that of the pending "tell people" time whenever that comes).

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Terrified:
<strong>Jo, I really hope that one day, the love you so deserve comes your way. You have so much to give. Maybe XH just didn't feel he was good enough for you?<p>Despite some of my H's actions and comments, Christmas was very nice. The reason I may sound stronger is that I've been seeing my H more through the holidays and it seems as if we're still really a "couple" (although he continues to remind me that of the pending "tell people" time whenever that comes).</strong><hr></blockquote><p>You two are still keeping the separation under wraps? So does anyone know?<p>Jo