Dawn....you okay, honey? I've read that your hubby is hanging around for the holidays. Is all kewl?

No I guess I'm not, I thought I could handle all of this and I just can't tonight.<p>I just posted this on sd's thread<p>
I guess you are right!! But I am so tired of being right and get nothing in return for it.<p>I guess the urgency tonight is I want to confront him with it.<p>No he is not living with her that I know of. She lives in Miami and he in Utah. He had been in Alabama for 6 weeks, spent a week with her before and after and can't even spend a week with his kids, has to go home, D's asked him to stay til Sunday and says that he can't, has to much to do at home. Went from Miami to Utah and then here was only in Utah 12 hours and then had to spend the next 12 on the road to get here.<p>My stomach is so upset, I haven't been this bad for a long long time!! I have just kind of taken all of this in stride and have allowed him to think that I will fall in with what he wants, did tell him that I would not be divorced in Utah as I have never lived there.<p>He had been saying through e mails and phone calls that he wanted to talk about the D, had sent me some on line papers to review back in Oct. hasn't brought anything up since he's been here, so I guess I am a little scared as I haven't thought that this was for real, have done alot of praying and just don't feel that I am suppose to D him, I haven't gotten the sign yet I guess. We have a Dr appt for oldest D tomorrow at 11 and he says that he wants to leave after that, I guess I don't want him to leave, but don't know that I can say that with any meaning to him. <p>I hate what he is doing to our family!!!<p>Dawn

So what do you think do I confront WH about using my computer to converse with her? To me it shows utter disrespect for me while in my home, I allowed him to be here and didn't ask anything of him. I am just so angry, just can't let it go tonight!!!!

Dawn, don't do it ... don't go there, you know better. You could confront it later but not with angry outburst ... you are staring at major LB. I know how you feel I call it panic attack. I use to have it when my WW wants to go and I know she is going to OM ... I LB'ed. Nothing good comes out of it. Later I found out that they make fun of my LB'ed from my taped that I put in the car. That really drained my LB$ to nil plus it teaches me a lesson. YOU LB'ed not only H will ignored you but also will be subject of discussion w/ OW. Don't do it. Vent here if you need more

redhat,<p>I know you are right, but I have done everything so right in all of this and have got nothing for it, nona...zip...Why do I have to be the bigger person? Why was it that I always put moe into the marriage? Why did he allow this to happen to us? to our family? Why is he such a jerk? Why? Why? Why/ I ask you why?

Dawn,
Your H is in the fog, the selfishness take the better part of him. Treat him like an insane person that you love dearly and you have to take care of them. Their actions is forgiven before even comitted !. I have no contact w/ WW through out this vacation, no christmas present, no BDay present. I pay everything, she is not working ... go figure, I finance her A !.<p>Why, b/c we love WS dearly. We give out self regardless and we are in plan A !!!. You will have a chance to rock your H's world when you go to plan B. I know my WW's will.<p>[ December 27, 2001: Message edited by: redhat ]</p>

redhat,<p>I have t reated the whole thing as if my WH has an illness and needs my help to get through it, how good of me!!!<p>
I was so hopping that this thing would do it self in already, is WH A in the small percentage that will make it? Something is holding me back from signing any papers, something just doesn't feel right. I have asked the Lord for guidence to give me a sign of what is His will, and nothing yet, or am I missing it? Cause I want to? I don't think so.<p>I thought of this earlier today still haven't made sense out of it though....I love my WH so much that I have stood and watch as he destroys his relationship with his family, our relationship, and do some severe damage to the one he has with his children, and I still love him after all the pain that he has afflicated on me. I have let him go to the point that he is pursing this thing. Does the OP love him enough to let him go? I don't think so she clings so desperately, is that the kind of love that is for real? Is that really what he wants? UGH!!!<p>[ December 27, 2001: Message edited by: daybreak ]</p>

Dawn,
Hang in there. You are actually ride this 'coaster together with WS. Ups & Downs ... no human could ride it forever, that is why MB has plan B for you to stop it. However you try to hang for the longest time with the hope of A dies naturally or the fog lifted by your plan A or sometime WS stops it w/ Dv.
You know that A will dies ... the inflactuation will subside and hope H will see it. Let it go !!. They want to live their fantasy, let them and stay away from LB'ed. My WW's OM Dv twice, 8 y/o older than me, earn half than my salary (her EN is FS) ... I got sick just to think of it. I stay in plan A to give my best ... see my motto. Hang in there ... A is like cancer and you are the good cell ... the daylight is chemotherapy. Let him live his choice while you stand tall and hope you still be here when he wakes up.

So redhat,<p>How did you get that name anyways? Mine is pretty self explaintory.<p>Any suggestions on what or how to say something tomorrow, that might rock the boat a little bit? Do I ask what his plans are for New years to see if he tells whether she will be there or just let it ride and eat me up not knowing? <p>16 yo D wants to ask dad if they could go with him Saturday morning and stay til school starts back up, figures he will say no as she suspects OW to be there. We have my parents 40th anniversary on Friday and have a big party planned for that.<p>So tell me what you think...

If anyone has any input that would be great.<p>But I must go to bed as I will need some sleep to get through tomorrow.<p>Thanks for the help tonight, I really needed the boast!!<p>I hope that I can return the favor sometime!!<p>Good night Dawn

Dawn,
redhat is a unix distributor's maestro. All good names had been taken, I need one quick, due to my first panic attack [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] .<p>Any suggestions on what or how to say something tomorrow, that might rock the boat a little bit? Do I ask what his plans are for New years to see if he tells whether she will be there or just let it ride and eat me up not knowing?
Don't say anything, let it go. Think of the worst ... lower expectation, this is not FOX's patented clip from MadTv.. LOL !. Seriously, think of lower expectation, expect the worst. Think of OW will be there and having fun with H. Never initiate any talk of A, be careful what you ask you might not like the answer [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] .<p>16 yo D wants to ask dad if they could go with him Saturday morning and stay til school starts back up, figures he will say no as she suspects OW to be there. We have my parents 40th anniversary on Friday and have a big party planned for that.
Let D ask but don't coach her, let her have her own space.

Dawn,<p>Hope things turned out better for you. I feel for you, I really do.<p>I am feeling pretty helpless too. I want my life back...and feel like I can't affect anything. <p>I am keeping you and your kids in my prayers. I hope we both have better news for the New Year. Pat