Made it through Christmas ok. 2 sons went with me to my family's for dinner and one S went with ws to her family's. Gave her a picture with all of their pictures plus money for Christmas. Have not had one comment from ww. WW was real depressed and the s that went with her was worride about her. I wrote a note and put in present telling her that I loved her and prayed for her happiness and safety each day. Nothing about marriage. WW has a new lawyer and they are pressing me to negotiate and divide all of our property. WW has a shop but claims it makes no profit. WW wants more money from me than I can afford to give her each week so that causes friction. I am giving ww the amount my lawyer says give until a hearing can be held, I know it would help if I increased the amount. Should I ask the court to post pone Feb court date or just get it over? I have seen nothing positive from ww since oct. WW's birthday is today and I am sending flowers to her. Donot see how that can hurt anything. FIL and MIL both called on Christmas am. Also had emails from other members of her family. I know they put pressure on her but she is in such a mess and so very angry at me. I know that is the fog because we always go along so well before om came into the picture. He is in England so she can get over ther only so often. My heart says drag it out but my business side says end it the sooner the better. If I only knew how this was going to play out........

Pace,<p>Get to a lawyer as soon as you can!!!!! I ignored this advice, and it has not had any bad things happen for me, but I wish I had done it sooner.<p>Where do you live? Who are the kids living with most of the time? If not you, YOU file an order. If she has them, how did that happen, seeing as she is WS? Personally, I don't think they are entitled to the joy of the children if they do such a thing. Are there laws in your area which will aid you in having custody?<p>You may not want to seem the bad guy, neither did I. But I WANT my kids to be with ME, the more moral of the two parents..........so I filed for custody. Also I filed for assets because I am entitled here in Australia to a maximum of 70%. Those assets (sheares) were always for the kids'future anyway, so if I have the kids, I should have the assets to provide for them.<p>Get to a lawyer, I cannot stress it highly enough. If you can't afford it, borrow from whomever you can!!!!!!<p>Love and light,<p>Jacky

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by pace:
<strong> Have not had one comment from ww. WW was real depressed and the s that went with her was worride about her. I wrote a note and put in present telling her that I loved her and prayed for her happiness and safety each day. </strong><hr></blockquote>
Hi, Pace,
I haven't read your story before, but when I read this today, I had to respond.
I see from your sig line that we have similar lives' and similar times lines. Only diff., H's sons from previous m. are grown (in their 30's), but I helped raise them.
My WH moved out to live w/OW on May 17. D. papers in mailbox. I had NO clue! Those papers weren't "formal" - he thought I would agree to an uncontested d. since he had done such a "heinous" thing (my words, but I'm sure his thoughts). No. In Sept. was served formally. Then I got a lawyer. I DO NOT intend to give him a d. quickly or easily. It is as you say, we had no issues, at least none BIG enough to end a 20-yr. marriage over!
We talk on the phone regularly IF I call him. I have called about a couple of "house issues" that I wanted his input on....he's always glad to hear from me, and will talk for an hour if I would. I did not see or hear from my WH on Christmas, although the week before he TOLD me, insisted really, that we WOULD "get together" during either X-mas Eve or X-mas Day. Didn't happen. I went by where he works while in town (he lives w/OW in a different town - 180 miles from here). We used to live there over 6 years ago, all family & friends there, so on my way out of town, I stopped by his work and dropped off a Christmas card and some other stuff I had for him, including a poem I had written for him. I know he got it today when he went in to work. Did I YET hear from him? No. I KNOW it's depression, and shame, and guilt keeping him away. Got to let him go. Just let it be. You have to do the same. It WILL resolve itself eventually. All you really can do is what you "feel" is right for you and children, and allows YOU to know you've given your best shot.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr><strong> Should I ask the court to post pone Feb court date or just get it over? I have seen nothing positive from ww since oct. .</strong><hr></blockquote><p>As Nina said, you DO need a lawyer. Absolutely YES, ask the court to postpone everything! A good lawyer can stall on everything, if they know this is what you want them to do. Time. Time is your best ally. In case you haven't figured it out, while enmeshed in A's, WS's do and think some incredibly STUPID stuff!! You've got to be the "sane" one, the calm one, and keep them from totally destroying their lives, and yours, too, if possible!<p>In my WH's case, he NEVER confronts any issues....just keeps running away! He thinks if he runs far away, this thing will go away, too, and he can make a new, happy life w/OW. No. I know he can't. I know it won't happen that way. He'll know it eventually, too, once he stops running, and listening to HER and other STUPID advice he's getting. I'm just praying it happens before he MCUKS UP our lives forever, and leaves us totally ruined financially in the process.<p>I'm assuming that you are in Plan A? That's a really good place for you now. If your LoveBank is not depleted, then stick with it. Let it work. Let time do its job, too! Love your children. Be the best dad you can be. Be the best H (from afar) you can be....you're doing good. You'll get through this. That's my advice FWIW.<p>God Bless,
Lupo

Jacky and Lopo: thanks for your imput. I do have a lawyer. He mainly wants to get the case resolved as does ww's lawyer. Do you really think the court will stall if I insist? The reason ww is so angry now is that she wants money, more money. I have 2 sons in college and one at home. I provide 100% of their support, except for their part time jobs. We have enough rental property that will be paid off in 5 years and could have lived with out much worry and now ww wants to divide or sell. I am too old to put together deals and am just worn out trying to provide. Did manage to save enough for the 3 sons college unless the court takes that. WW wanted freedom but not freedom from my financial support. I know the A will get old especially if ww can't travel. OM's w caught them on one trip and called me. Was very upsetting to her as well as me. I( we) have led a very normal and conservative lifestyle and now it is like Payton Place south. I am so proud that only our families know. I asked Mother in law to take ww's bday present today and she said that ww would not like that because ww thinks mil and fil are on "my side" and she doesn't like them talking to me. I hate that "side" term anyway. The family is all that counts. Enough for now....... Thanks for your support

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by pace:
<strong>I do have a lawyer. He mainly wants to get the case resolved as does ww's lawyer. Do you really think the court will stall if I insist? </strong><hr></blockquote>
Hi, Pace,
How are you today? OK, you have a lawyer, but it doesn't sound like he's doing much FOR you. I'm not sure YOU can ask court to stall it, but lawyers know ways to do it legally. You must insist that he "stall" in any and every way possible. IF he won't, tell him you WILL retain another lawyer, one who will do this YOUR way! After all, it's YOUR case, it's YOUR life, right? They work for YOU, not the other way around! They should be willing to go along with YOUR wishes! Make sure he understands your intent. VERRRY important to stall as long as possible to allow the A to "die its own death." This takes time, as has been stated. <p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr><strong>OM's w caught them on one trip and called me. Was very upsetting to her as well as me. </strong><hr></blockquote>
Oooh, this is good!! You have an ally!! Someone else who is putting pressure on them to quit the A....I hope so!
Does your WW know that OM's W called you? ...knows about "them?" If not, I think I might just tell her.....let her sweat. Protect yourself, though. OM's W might decide that she wants to sue your W for "alienation of affection" of her H. Is that legitimate in your state? In some states, can happen, and could be financially devastating to you.<p>Good luck and God Bless,
Lupo

Lupo, Thanks for reply. I talked with an old friend last night and she has know us both for 30 years, She thought just like you...make the lawyer stall. She had been talking to our minister about us and wants to get him to visit ww. I can not believe people care that much about my family. And you know most brothers and sisters always want the div so our pain stops. I am off today and plan to build a coral (if I can get sons up and going). One came out at 5 am with friend to go hunting. It ain't over til its over. Thanks again. Pace

If your Lawyer is not cooperating with what you want and need, find another one with your interests in mind. Do not pay for someone to hurry up and make their money and throw you out to the wolves, do it your way.<p>Some lawyers are not interested in you... most I think, just want to get the job done...<p>HONEY