Ok, I hope someone can help. I have 2 counseling degrees and tend to be very black and white in my thinking.No gray areas. I have tried everything I can think of to get over this.
# 1 Days before our wedding I found out that my H was engaged to his daughters mother 4 years ago. Not a long engagement but they did see a pastor ect... I was very hurt that he never told me and felt like I was second best... With the help of a dear friend, I was able to realize that he may really have not wanted to open that can of worms in fear of hurting me. ( My H is perfect as far as everything else goes) My H said he didn't want to hurt me and I knew their relationship was horrible for him. We still have many problems with his daughters mother- which we tackle together.
# 2 Two months later while unpacking yet another box I found a box of his stuff in the basement. Wondering if it was a box I had overlooked, I opened it. Inside were a few personal "toys" and some adult videos. I was upset but rationalized that he was single and not dating for 3 years before he met me. I put it back and layed a piece of paper against it so that if it was opened I would notice. I really thought he wasn't using any of it. I knew he would be very embarrassed so I never said anything. I went to visit my parents overnight ( they live 3 hours away) a week later. When I came home I checked the box and it had been opened. I was embarassed to say any thing just in case the paper had fell by itself. so I did the whole thing again. And the paper was missing again. I confronted him and he was embarrassed of course. he said it was something he just did a few times in the last year. When I wasn't home. It wasn't a reflection of our relationship. He wanted to throw it away and I told him to keep it and we could use it together only. He swore to always tell me the truth (just like he did about the engagement). I really tried to forgive and I went out of my way to give him the intimacy that he wanted. I felt things were getting better.
# 3 A month ago, his friend borrowed his truck and left 3 adult magazines under the seat. ( this is true) My H told me that they were there ( he was being honest like he promised) and I assumed he threw them away given the nature of our last argument. A few weeks later I used the truck and when I moved the seat up, what did I find? The magazines- and they were opened!
I confronted him discussed the issue and asked for a divorce. He swears he only looked at them once and that night he threw everything he had away.
So, what now? 3 strikes- It may seem petty, but I am devestated. I cant be intimate because all I think of is the "stuff" he had and if in another month he will forget his promise again for something he desires. I feel like he has cheated even though there is no other woman. I have so much resentment and anger that I can't seem to let go of.
He is doing everything he can to make things better but I don't feel close to him anymore. I know he loves me very much and is perfect in every other way. I have a hard time forgiving people in general-(i'm a Virgo) and this is so personal. I have put him through hours of discussing his need for this type of material and lack of respect for my feelings. We have talked and talked ( NOT argued) about our relationship and trust. He honestly feels horrible. I can see it in his eyes.
Is this just a slip? Am I overreacting because of past events? I really don't want a divorce because he is the perfect husband and father to our children. We are both 28 and this is the ONLY thing we have ever had an issue with.
Any suggestions?