Hi all hope most of you had a good xmas, mine was awful without H he stayed xmas eve and was here in the morning to open pressies.
Then i went to my parents with my kids dont know what H did for dinner or the rest of the day or night.<p>Now i feel more down than ever before, ive made the mistake of trying to get him to come home, he still hasent moved in with OW or met her kids.<p>Ive tried to get him to tell me we are over if thats what he wants but he wont do that either,
i just cant go on not knowing maybe its new year but im no clearer now than i was 18 months ago.<p>If he is so in love with her why wont he just tell me that and move on.
I know i have LB in the past bigtime but the last few months i have more or less left him to it.<p>yesterday when he said he would not be home in the next few weeks anyway, i just blew and said just stay away then we are over get on with it.<p>Today i said sorry and said i love you and want you home, he replied one day you say we are over the next you want me home i dont know where i am with you i cant live like that!!!<p>How does he think i have felt this last 18 months??
I cant see any point in going on its just tearing me apart.
If he dosent love me why wont he just move on and divorce me, it would break my heart i love him so much but what he is doing is so cruel.<p>I know im letting him do it, but i just cant end our 26 years.
He is the one in love with someone else, just what is he waiting for, she is divorced now and wants them to be together.<p>We had our company xmas party on 22nd we went together i felt awful because our friends all no about OW.
We stayed at the hotel overnight and had s*x how can he do that if he loves her??<p>How did she feel that night, she would know i was there but said didint mind as long as we didint share a room!!
I wonder if she asked H about it or are OW perfect and things like that dont enter their minds??<p>I just dont know what to do give up or keep trying, its been so long in this black hole everyday i pray this is the day H will wake up, but it never is.
Sorry for the pity party.
Liz [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]

oh {{{lizzle}}} I'm so sorry. If it's become too much, maybe it's time for Plan B? I cannot imagine going on as long as you have. Has your H had to suffer any consequences for his continuing disrespect of you? In all this time, you're going to end up losing yourself. Please think about Plan B for your sanity and to preserve the love you have left for your H. Of course, only you can decide when you're ready for it, but this sure sounds like Plan B time by the sounds of your post. I'm praying for you.....<p>MOM

Thanx for your time MOM and yes i feel i probably should go to plan B, just not sure i can do that yet.
Sometimes i feel a glimmer of hope but then its gone, if he dosent love me do i really want to wait to be second best if him and OW dont work out.<p>The answer to that is i deserve better i know that, but i just love him so much and cant seem to let go and move on and i think he knows that.
Liz

Just a little bump

lizzle,<p>Pity parties are allowed here. I am sorry for your anguish. There is no excuse for your H's behavior. Unfortunately, there is no satisfactory explanation for how he can make these dishonorable choices. There is no way to explain it because there is no justification. <p>My experience is that part of what hurts so much is the disappearance of the person you thought you knew. The person you married is gone. Your marriage is gone. It's a double kick in the gut if you will excuse the expression. And the insult is compounded by the WS's apparent delight in his new situation while you are dying inside. It's not fair, never was, and it hurts like h**l. <p>So come here and talk. My sister used to call me at all hours when she was going through her H's A. My son has called me in the middle of the night as his wife continues her affair. I'm a good listener, and I understand what you are feeling.<p>Thinking of you,
Estes

BTW, lizzle,<p>Where in England do you live, if you feel free to say? My BIL was born in Manchester and was in the SAS before coming to the States. He is doing homeland security at DFW (Dallas-Ft. Worth Airport) with Army National Guard right now. I'm proud of him. He was in the Falkland War, was wounded it in Northern Ireland. He helped liberate the Iranian embassy back in the '80s, black hood and all. <p>I spent three weeks in the UK in the summer of 2000 and loved it. Eight days were in England - Penrith and Carlisle-Hadrian's Wall region, London, Bath. Magnificent country! I am making plans to return to the UK in August 2002.<p>Wishing you well,
Estes

Hi Estes im sorry ive taken so long to reply, thankyou for your post.
I have read a lot of your replies to people and you give a great deal of comfort to a lot of people.<p>Im sorry your family have this same pain, but your son is very lucky to have a mum like you, you seem to have a great understanding of others sorrow.<p>Im glad you like England and are visiting again, i come from a place called Chipping Sodbury its about a 30 minute drive from Bath, i mention that as you have been there.<p>Anyway thanx again and i pray it all works out well for your son.
Take care
Liz