Lizzle,
Hold on a minute. I think you are being driven by too many of the wrong reasons....
First of all, it's New Year's Eve. "The end of a year, the beginning of a new year." I woke up this morning feeling VERRRY low, alone, lonely, accepting of defeat, etc. I think between the Christmas from H*ll, and now nothing for New Year's, it tends to make us think "this is it. It's over." Don't do that. It's just another day. In fact, it's also true for our WS's that they are feeling verrry lost and confused during these holidays, too.<p><strong><Sister> is concerned for me and wanted to see if she could find out his plans.</strong>
No offense meant here, but unless she has an advanced degree in
Marriage Building, I wouldn't put a lot of stock in what "she found out, or what he said to her."
He was put on the spot to say "he does not love you"<p>I think it's MORE telling that he hasn't moved in with her, hasn't met her kids yet! It was CHRISTMAS!!! WHY didn't he do the "Christmas thing" with her kids, like
one, big happy family?? I'll tell you why....HE DIDN'T WANT TO....HE doesn't want to....... he's confused, he's fence-stting, he's torn up.<p>
Dosent plan on coming home the time is not right and to much has been said.Yeah, "too much has been said..." this is just an excuse..... As far as "the time is not right...." this sounds positive to me! "Time is not right" - but
may be in the future....? See? 26 years is a long time to just throw it away in 18 months. Here lately, I was on another site....divorce Busting, something....it's very hard to follow. But anyway, I read something of interest. I'm trying to gather any info to corroborate what I read. THEY said it usually takes about as many MONTHS as you have been married YEARS to work things out. We know that the "problems" in most M's did not start w/WS finding OP. THey started waaay before that, and then WS is "open" for relationship to develop. Sometimes months, or years before.....so for instance, we are M over 20 years, I can expect 20 MONTHS to NOT be outside the realm of possibility of how long this could take to turn around....IF there's any truth to this "theory" (that's all it is in my mind right now, still studying it), then you're still in the "ball-park" with your M!!!<p>
This is the first new year we have spent apart in 26 years i think that says it all.See, this is your motivation for feeling like you do, I believe! You're just hurt. Of course, you are, hun. You're entitled! But HANG IN THERE. It aint' over. This doesn't "say it all" - it just says things are bad this year, and you are apart.<p>
My heart is breaking but im going out with friends tonight and im going to have a good time. THAT's THE SPIRIT!!!!<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Tomorrow is the start of a new year, ive got to let go and move on.<hr></blockquote>
Only YOU can decide if that's true. BUT if you are doing this
because "its the start of a new year" and nothing else, then check your motivation. I think you are just feeling "down." Udnerstandable, and allowable. BUT not necessarily the end.
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>But the last 18 months have been hell, i cant do this anymore.<hr></blockquote>
I understand this, as well. BUT in a few more days, you may feel differently. Your sister having this talk w/him made you feel worse, of course it did. But just settle it down, and think more rationally for a few days, and then see what is it you really want. If you want your M, then hang in there.<p>Dear Lizzle, you really are in a better place than some of us, who are in the middle of div. proceedings, etc. w/WS's living w/OP, and telling us UNEQUIVACABLY they want a div. and want OP. Some who even went through div. STILL end up back together afterward! Please, just take a couple of days to regroup, and rethink this position. I know you hurt. I kknow you've been at this a long time. I know. Just think. Reasonably, rationally, NOT emotionally.<p>God Bless,
Lupo
