As you guys may know, Lora and I live within a mile of one another and have supported each other thru this "stuff" for the last 1.5+ years. She's a very special person and dear friend of mine.<p>Recently, Lora is having a very tough time of it. Without offering details, just know Lora is coming to a crossroads because her H is revisiting Fogville.<p>For those of you who don't know her story, Lora was separated for 7 mos after approx 1 year of Plan A, her H has been home for nearly 8 mos.<p>I'm sure she'll post very soon, but right now she just can't. Please remember her in your prayers. <p>Thank you, and God Bless All.<p>Love,
Jo

My dear Lora,<p>I have learned of your recent circumstances and hurt in my heart for the pain you are encountering. Lora, I just created a post just for those of us whose spouse steps backward. The pain we feel is enormous, the anger we feel runs deep. As before you will survive. But that is not what you want to hear now. You must though keep this in the back of your mind. <p>How much your H has slipped, time will tell. HOw much he is willing to show his value, again time will tell. Time can be a friend and an enemy. Learn to let it be your friend and let him learn to appreciate you as you deserve. In the interim Lora, you take care of youself. We have and said these words over and over again. <p>I pray that you heal. <p>Take Care,
L.

Lora,<p>Just wanted to let you know that my thoughts and prayers are with you. I know it's difficult and no words can heal you right now. I hope it helps in some small way to know that we are here for you.<p>Hugs and Prayers,
C

Thanks Jo and Orchid and Cybil,<p>Here I sit on new years eve , alone and crying.<p>I apreciate the thoughts so much.
Lora

Hi Lora, <p>I am so sorry to see you are alone on New Year's Eve. Please know I am praying for you and your husband. ((((Lora)))

Hi Lora,<p>I am sorry to hear about what you are going through. Just wanted to let you know that we are here for you. <p>I think we all need to get together for a little New Year's Eve Cheer. A toast to you Lora, you deserve a better year this year. Happy New Year.

Thanks Raskel and MinM,<p>Seems to me last year I was alone on new years too as H was living in an apartment, and that hurt alot less then having him here treating me with less than respect. <p>Stop the rollorcoaster now, I want OFF!<p>Happy New year to both of you too.

Lora,<p>Just a quick note to let you know that I am thinking of you. I wish there were something I could do.

Thanks Zorweb,
I guess I will try and go to bed and keep all your good thoughts with me tonight. <p>I cant do this for another year, that I know.
Lora

well I am sitting here too worried about ya, ...but I really do not understand people trying to work things out, but mistreating their spouse. It does take time, and usually involves some emotional ups and downs (with some conflict), but there is normal and there is abuse...it just seems like your H is not being really honest (more like abusing the honesty), and he should be expected to realize his behaviour is unecessarily hurtful, and disrespectful. I get a fair amount of flack for my um... indecision (and efforts to resolve it), but despite what people might think sometimes, I am not uncaring or disrespectful to thinker. I really do think you need to have some boundaries, and probably plan b, there needs to be some kind of regular respectful interaction from your H. No new years here either, thinkers dad has taken a turn much worse, her mom asked her to stay with her tonight, so she is over there.

Lora,<p>Hi!! and a big hug. I want to let u know that you are not the only one alone. I also feel the same pain that you do, but try to think that this is a new year, things will get better because we can make them better. I truly believe that time and alot of patients is what we need. Please try not to get discouraged. This is just another down side for recovery. I will pray for you and we will all be here for you.<p>Lilli [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Lora,
Just wanted you to know I am thinking about you and praying for you. Lighting a candle right now for my MB friends.<p>{{{{{{{{{Lora}}}}}}}}}}<p>Desiree

(((((((( Lora))))))))<p>I hope the new year moves in a way that makes you happy.<p>I think you're a great person.<p>I pray for you and your family. And that God grants you peace, and the love you deserve.<p>Dan

SNL,
Thanks, Your post made me worried tho. Would I rather he be better at leading a double life and be able to treat me better while he continues with her? Yikes sometimes I think so, I would like to be happy in denial for a little while, I think. But maybe not, what I really want is to feel there is some motion toward an end of this pain.... whatever direction its going, I no longer care.<p>lillie, RMA and family man,
Thanks for your prayers, I am much calmer this AM and I guess I will go on for now... I have an appointment with Steve on Thursday so I will wait to talk to him before doing naything drastic.

You probably know I am a pattern person, I only put a small amout of belief in what people say. Your H says he is trying to find resolution, but his actions say not, it would be easy to just assume is cause of affair, and it may be...but it might not be too....it might be he simply does not have the capacity or desire (or that infamous fit) to love you, and is just resentfully sticking around our of emotional inertia, and not having the guts to take action (leaveing or staying)....from your vantage point, none of this makes any difference (the whys), he is responsible for his own choices/behaviours, and he is behaving badly. The bs (or whoever in this kind of position) get fixated on "fixing" the problem, I did for years with thinker, I would do this, I would do that, I would complain, I would forgive, none of it changed anything...finally I just gave up and went into the raise kids, withrawal routine.... I would not have done that if I knew what I know now. I would have set boundaries, and worked on myself, and my own courage to not live like this, and we would have resolved this long ago one way or another. You must do the same methinks, set boundaries and be prepared to act on them, I don't you can expect anything to happen until you do, his patterns are clear, the dance is in place, you are tolerating (and therefore enabling) his disrespectful behaviour. The scarey thing is lora people can get use to this, stay married, and focus their needs elsewhere (hobbies, friends, causes) with occassional good times, but it is no way to live, it is a giving up way to live, just to say "see, I stayed married". Don't get use to it lora, you do deserve better, everyone does, even your husband, people should not live like this.

thoughts going your way from a very chilly Texas