Tonight I went to a NEw Year's Eve Party - and H's boss - the one who stuck his nose into my marriage - got H to call a counselor - but nothing came of it - was there. My oldest son evidently visited with H's boss (or to be honest - probably more likely the boss visited my son) and asked him to have H call him. H has repeatedly told me he doesn't want to be contacted. I didn't make the contact, I spoke to his boss politely but did not make any attempt to have a conversation.
We had a great time at the party - and this is the only mar on the entire evening. It was a party at friend's house, and the kids and I all had a great time.<p>I really don't want to revert back to when H was talking to son days - they were miserable for me and for my son. He was whiney and pushy - he was demanding and constantly misbehaving. H isn't paying child support (I honestly can't call $400.00 over eight months child support!) He's NEVER asked about the kids, and my son's only interest in seeing or talking to him is that he's concerned about his father. I'm tired of fighting this battle - because his father uses him when he does see him. <p>Suggestions, please? <p>I'm not trying to shut his father out of his life - his father has done a wonderful job of that himself. He's NOT asking about the kids at all. <p>I don't want the kids torn again.<p>Please help me with this...<p>Jan

As a child who's father was never around, I think you should leave up to your kids. My mother let me see my dad when ever I wanted. He never payed a dime to child support and I had to always go see him, he never once picked me up at my mother's house. But as I grew older I seen what kind of man he is and want nothing to with him.<p>Do you know why your son gets whiney after seeing his dad? How does he use him? Do your children understand what's going on?
Since your son is concerned with his father's welfare, maybe you can let him talk on the phone with him!?

HE manipulates my son's thinking - no he doesn't understand he's being used.<p>My son is 8 years old and barely understands that his father isn't coming back - let alone that Dad has a problem. He feels if he could just love dad enough - dad would make it all okay... Not gonna happen.<p>My STBXH is living an hour away but still part of the same community. Letting my son make the choice isn't really a viable option - since there are four children - and he's the only one who wants to see dad.<p>I've NEVER stopped him from talking on the phone - Dad doesn't want to talk to him. I've also NEVER stopped him from seeing his dad - his dad doesn't come to see him - I can't afford to take son to see dad.<p>Jan