I am new here...only posted once. First of all---Happy New Year to all. I am a BS. I found out in Aug after husband said he didn't love me and move out. He said that the OW had nothing to do with him moving out---has cut himself off from our friends. We have been married 20yrs and have 2 children. He is a good man and a good Dad who has screwed up royally and has shown desire to come home. In the very begining he would cry when I talked to him. I knew he still loved me, afterall I have know him for over 22 yrs. I have not spoken to him since Dec.18th. He has not asked the kids about me or wished me a Happy Birthday or Merry Christmas--so I didn't expect a Happy New YEar either. I don't know what to do. We are in the process of getting D. I'm not sure why--I still think that we can fix this. I have been to numerous counseling sessions on my own. I have registered for school since I need to support myself, and I have lost about 30 lbs....which was something that always bothered me. He on the other hand is trying to get me to take the mandatory counseling for him out of the temporary orders. He is supposed to go to 2 sessions. He is supposed to see the same Dr. as me. He also needs to go to a parenting class. In our state you must go to one before you can get a divorce. Needless to say, I have done it all and he has done nothing. The OW is moving here and I know she has been here for this past weekend. I just don't know if she is here for good. She is moving 1200 miles to be with my H. From what I can see, this A really kicked into high gear after my H left. A month after he left he bought her jewlery---he took her on my anniversary trip--I could go on. I still love him. I don't know what to do anymore. With me not talking to him---I feel like he is just getting closer to her. He doesn't see his kids. That is the saddest part of all. I don't think he realizes the person that he has become because of the A. I can't belive that the OW likes the fact that that he has no real visits with his sons----especially when she has a son of her own. I think that my H has probably spent more time with her kid this holiday than his own---although I really don't know anything, I am guessing----my radar is not that good anymore! I knew him like the back of my hand. I anticipated many moves that he made during this....but 5 weeks after he left he was making plans with her to move her. What is up with that? I am looking for suggestions on how to handle this----do I even try to handle this? I feel like I will have to get divorced before I can get him back. <p>Everyone always says---he will regret this someday and it will be too late for him. How can I hurry this along or should I just accept the fact that it is done and OVER? I guess the holidays have me feeling a little blue. Any help would be appreciated.

I am also relatively new here, so I don't feel I can give you any valid insight. Our situations are similar however (married 22 years and was told in Aug. that H didn't love me anymore after I confronted him about possible A). I just wanted to tell you not to rush into anything YOU are not ready for. If you think there is a chance to reconcile, then read everything available here regarding Plan A and Plan B. Some of it can be confusing, so post questions if you have them, you will get answers! I am sorry for your pain, and I hope you will get as much help on this site as I have. Good luck!
BH

BTW, there are some links to bring you to the information on the Plans, unfortunately, I don't know how to cut and paste the information to you. Someone will, I am sure, read this thread and be able to supply you with the links. There are also some books available (Surviving an Affair and His Needs/Her Needs) I haven't read these yet, but am planning on it. Good luck and keep posting! It really does help.
BH

Dear Feeling So Alone,<p>I am in about the same situation as you are. H. is doing and saying the same things.<p>It is hard when they don't make contact to try and plan A him. But when you do talk to him, that is what you need to do and without andy LBing. That was difficult for me.<p>You have to decide what you want from your marriage and what you will accept.<p>Counseling is great if you can afford it. I went to two sessions last summer and one over the phone with Steve. All were good--but expensive.<p>Read as much as you can here. It is a great site and has saved my sanity on more than one occasion. The books are excellent also.<p>You are going to be on this emotional roller-coaster. Be ready for that...it is a difficult journey. <p>Just remember that we are here to listen if you need to talk or vent. Take care of yourself!!

FSA,<p>It must be something with 20 years that these guys can't handle. As I am about the same place.<p>If you don't want a divorce then don't get one, stall, stall, stall, stall. Go online and look up divorce in your state, it will give you some good info.<p>This is a site that someone shared with me, that helped me to understand a great deal about my WH.
http://128.121.203.65/hismidlifecrisis.html
Hope that it might help you too.<p>Find any post from redhat, he has a list of many links in his signature, that you will find useful.<p>Plan A is for you, to strenghten and find yourself, to be good to yourself. Plan B is for when you have lost the love for your spouse. Doesn't sound like you are there yet.<p>How did your WH get involved with OW if she is 1500 miles away? My husband's OW is an old HS girlfriend the only other serious GF, and she was about 800 miles away when this started and now they are over 2000 miles away.<p>You didn't say how old your children are? Mine are old enough that they have lost alot of respect for their dad and what he is doing.<p>Please keep posting, we are all friends here in need of the same support, some times we have to rally around one as they need a little more support then another that day, but it all comes back around.<p>Dawn