Pat,
Seen that you were out there this evening and wondered how you where doing? Did you have a good day?<p>Dawn

Hi Daybreak,<p>It went ok. I went out skating with my son. He had a great time. He was outside all day.<p>I have been taking the St. John's Wart...and it seems to be helping. I am still obsessed with this mess---but my emotions don't seem to be as bad as they were.<p>I started taking all the Christmas stuff down. There is still this big, empty void here. I wish I could feel like it will go away. I hope I don't spend the rest of my life thinking about him. He has treated me horrendously and there really was no excuse for his behavior. <p>The house has been very active, with tons of kids over. My kids seem to be just going on with their lives. I don't see them hurting--tho I know they must be. Sometimes, I feel like I am the only one miserable over this. The kids are used to me being here all the time. H. was gone so much. I am the one that is missing his phone calls--he used to call all the time--even when he was having an affair. That is kind of sick, isn't it. K and K my two little ones told me the other day that "dad calls her about 50 times a day". I think they are right because I still get the cell phone bill. Oh well...somehow I need to turn my thoughts off this crap. Wish there was a switch so that you could just turn your thoughts off. <p>I find I have spirts of energy...when I can get some things done....and then I just kind of run out of steam.<p>Only 1 more day of vacation. Back to school on Thursday. That will probably be good for me. From 7 to about 4:30 or 5 I am usually swamped...and then get home for all the kids activities. 2nd quarter grades are due a week from Friday...that is always fun.<p>How are you doing Dawn? Have you heard from your H? How are the kids doing? Did you work with Jody Newton? Were you there when the MC Mahons were there? If so, I probably did work with you. Did you do the gift wrapping at the BX? Such fun times...

Only one more day of vacation!! I have an eval due before semester is over on the 17th. Hope that will be favorable, have been doing the job to the best of my ability without any direction given by a teacher.<p>I remember Newton's, I was there from 94-99. Did the gift wrapping one or two years for different groups. Petrik's, VanBremmilin's, Shreck's, Goslin's, Barnage's, just a few of those I remember.<p>I think of our situations and then I remember, now I can't think of the name, he was commander for CE before his retirement, everyone knew he was messing with that gal that worked at the shoppette, he was married had the nicest wife sat on a couple of boards with her, can see both their faces can't say the name though, he left the wife and took the girlfriend and her 5 kids to S. Illinos and then shot her and killed himself. I always think of his daughters as they were at the barn when that Dr died from falling off her horse. So much tragedy for such young girls.<p>I did hear from WH via e mail, thanked me for the pix of kids I sent and could I send one other photo. 10Yo dialed the phone just as the ball dropped, it did ring so was suprised, not sure if he expected his D or OW. Talked with him after the kids, S is going to go stay with him for awhile as I have done about all I can do for him and need a break, so will drive half way Saturday weather permitting. H was ok with this, wasn't sure, suspected that OW might be there, but don't think that she was, I did ask what he did for New Year's if he was alone and said yes, H has never lied, not his style, just not trustworthy anymore. Seems to be a little sad, probably as he is not getting to be with OW like he wanted, his goal was to move her up there after Christmas. I did keep him on the phone for 45 minutes the other night, ju st so she couldn't get through. Asked if he had any phone features and he said no, to expensive, so know that she was getting a busy signal.<p>Oh well, sometimes it is fun to play a little bit with the OW.<p>Dawn

I worked closely with all those guys too. Don't remember that story about the CE commander. Once I got out of the squadron commander's wife position--I went back to school and work and then finally full time work. I was glad after 5 years to not be on base as often. I didn't miss having to do all the stuff. I made great friends though and that was fun. I just hated to do the entertaining--not really my thing...so it was a lot of work.<p>I do remember the doctor that got killed by the horse however. That was sad. My daughter is very into horses...and she knew him. I just reread your post..bet you were talking about the lady that fell off--wasn't it a carriage? I was talking about the vet that got killed shoeing a horse. <p>I am glad you got to talk to your H New Year's Eve--mine has written me off completely. He didn't even call the kids. This is from someone who is so concerned about the kids right now [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ January 02, 2002: Message edited by: miserynmissouri ]</p>

Didn't know about the Vet, was talking about the doc from base off the carriage.<p>I have always admired squadron commanders wives, they really get the raw end of the stick, the ones that I have gotten to be friends with have done that crappy stuff with a smile and always made everyone feel warm and welcomed. You really got the crappy end of the deal as your WH was having and affair yet too.<p>It is truly amazing how the WH wants what is best for the kids, is that to grow up in a single parent family, were the one parent is constantly worried about finances? Is that what's best for the kids.<p>I have learned to look at my husband as a person with an illness that needs my love and support right now, I can't fix him, can't make it better for him, I truly believe that he is in the middle of a MLC big time, turned 40 last Dec, his career was over if he didn't make E8, had a kid that graduated, was not getting along with a boss, and the OW was constantly communicating with him as a friend. Still believe that it is an EA and hasn't went PA, not sure though. I just wish that he would hurry up and get over it. It is hard for others to understand why I am as nice as I am to him, I was so nice over Christmas that he would've come out looking really bad if he had been anything but nice back.<p>I have three 10 yo girls on the floor watching country music videos, those songs are so meaningful. It hurts to listen to some of them. <p>Dawn

My kids are into country music too...all the stations on the cars have that tuned in...doesn't matter tho...so many of the songs on any of the statiions bring back painful memories.<p>This whole mess feels like I have been socked in the stomach and the air has been knocked out of me.<p>I hope I don't always feel like this. I want to get back to who I used to be....25 years makes a big difference tho. <p>I am going out to lunch tomorrow with two really neat friends. One of them has a beautiful new diamond ring on her finger. Noticed it the other night at the party. She said her H bought it for their 25 wedding anniversary. It almost brought tears to my eyes. She asked me the other night about my H. I told her he said that I had never really loved him or been a partner to him. My friends eyes got big...and I had to laugh...she let out this big....REALLY!!! I have known her since I moved here in 1993. I met her as I waddled into an open house for my 2nd grader. I was so pregnant...seems like I always moved towards the end of my pregnancies. I met her that night and we have been friends ever since. My H went TDY for a week at that time. And she called me the next day...I don't know how she got my number...just wanted to ck to see if I had made it through the night. That is the kind of friends I have here---they are really wonderful. <p>I can't help but wish things were different...I just want a normal family life back...but realistically--I never had that anyway. <p> Oh--better get to bed---getting down again.<p>I think my teens are watching "Silence of the Lambs"---I watched that once and that was enough!!! Have a good nite.

Friends are awesome and I am so glad and thankful for the ones that I have. <p>I sent out the traditional news Christmas letter like I always have, H use to tweak it after I wrote it so it was a team thing, but did it on my own this year, not quite the same.<p>I hate getting letters when there has been a seperation or divorce and you didn't know it and the signature is just missing. I didn't want to do that, so I told about each of the kids, myself, moving and so on , then said that "we are not only geographically seperated but also martially seperated." I had two friends call that I haven't spoken to in years. And many kind words in return letters. Most people just can't believe it and kind of leave it at that. At first I didn't want people to know, I didn't want them to think any less of my WH. That just doesn't matter anymore. I was so focused on getting that last paragraph in my newsletter, I forgot to include my new phone number and e mail.<p>WH hasn't found support from anyone other then the OW and her family. His family has pretty much disowned him, that really bothers hiim, but he wont admit it.<p>I too must go to bed, my teens are playing dungeon and dragons in the basement.<p>Have a great last day of vacation, I am having to take my car in as I have an oil leak and my dad couldn't find it. UGH! I hear a cash register ringing!!!<p>Dawn

You will never believe what just happened.<p>My 10 yo is channel surfing and she hits nick at nite and it is a boy meets world marathon, the episode that is on is when Corey is trying to fix Tappanga's parents back up and the H says that he has fallen out of love with the W, that love just died, low and behold there is OW involved.<p>See they even write stories about it!!! How sad, 10yo doesn't know about dad's OW.<p>How ironic that she would hit that while surfing.<p>Dawn

Hi Dawn,<p>It is amazing how many times the topic comes up...maybe we just didn't notice it before.<p>We had a really sad day. As we were going skating on New Year's Eve someone left the gate open on our back deck. Our two dogs were let out and our border collie did as she usually does--took off running....FREEDOM. Well, this has happened before, but this time as Kyle and I were skating we heard Tucker our little mut barking. I didn't know they had gotten out. We called to Tucker and she finally came running--but no Nutmeg. We looked all over for her New Year's Eve and New Year's Day....for hours. We thought maybe the animal control shelter had maybe picked her up--but of course they were closed for the holidays. We did call the police--but they didn't know anything. Today, after my lunch date, I walked in thinking she would be there. My oldest daughter(who owned this dog)was crying on the phone...they had checked the shelter-no sign of her. So I told Meg--this is ridiculous--she has got to be here somewhere. We went looking and unfortunately, we found her frozen in a ditch across DD highway. It was so sad. I carried her home with the help of some construction workers. We cleaned the burrs out of her fur and layed her to rest in a box. We then took her to the vets. All the kids are so upset. We have been bawling all night long. She was a great dog....it is so sad. <p>It is so unfortunate. All the kids feel guilty--Kyle left the gate open, Meg let the dogs out, Kaitie couldn't find her and and Mandy just felt miserable. <p>We need something good to happen to this family...enough of these disasters. Hope you had a better day.

Pat,<p>I am so sorry about Nutmeg, it is no ones fault so don't let the kids blame themselves. The Lord need nutmeg with him now for whatever reason, and that is why this happened. I know how sad it is as our Guniea Pig died right before Christmas.<p>I too have had an unsettling day today.<p>My 20 yo son lost his job durning vacation for lack of participation, am not real happy with him for that, as he just borrowed $1300 from my dad and now has no means to re pay my dad. Told son that he had one week to find a job, had to be a full time student of be working full time, if neither he would be out the door. WH said before he left that son could go to Utah and live with him and he would whip him into shape and put his butt in the AF. Son did nothing to gain employment, so said that I would take him half waay to Utah so he could be with his dad. He thinks that dad will get pissed off at him and let him go to Virginia to the GF, this would be disasterous. Son has been very mad at dad and said at one time that he had no respect for him.<p>When we moved here my parents bought each of my older two kids a vechicle, this made my dad so very proud that he was able to pay cash for this. The cars are titled in his and the kids name. The cars were given to the kids to help them get started here, so that they could have transportation to and from work or school and have something dependable. My parent knew how hard it was going to be for the kids here. Just trying to help. My WH keeps pushing as to why the cars can't go with the kids when they leave here. So had to address a letter to him today stating why I wouldn't let this happen. He says that if they were given to my kids as presents that they should be able to take them wherever and that my parents are using them to try and keep the kids tied here. UGH!!!! We have only been here 4 months.<p>Then I went to check on the 10 yo and she is crying that she wants her daddy and why can't we be an equal family and all live in one house. UGH!!<p>Took and hour to settle her down. My mom has MS and has been having problems with her hip this week (needs to have surgery and won't) and her knee gave out as she was going down the steps outside and fell, she is hurting but wouldn't go to the drs. today, did call in to work though, she has enough sick days coming.<p>Tomorrow I go back to school a nd don't want to do that, UGH!!! D BF is leaving this weekend, so am sure that I will have to deal with a depressed teenage girl yet this week too. I hate my life and am so very tired of it all please someone make it all go away!!<p>Sorry this got so long, just needed to unload I guess.
Have a good first day back tomorrow, will be thinking of you. Dawn

HI Girls, I hope you don't mind I read through the posts... and I am so sorry about your border collie dear MnM. That is terrible. We have a new kitty since our daddy left us... and a cute dog out back in the yard. My H was afraid he might be allergic to cats... so we did not have one... but me and my 2 boys really enjoy the new kitty, Mango, orange and fat... and my little one calls him Bingo..he is so cute.<p>Anyway... I too am ready for school to start... we have a bit longer here in HOuston... and no snow. I am also so so sad about situation, but praise the Lord the OW in my life is back with her H.<p>I am so thankful and I think it is going to take time for the affair to die... I even think one day me and my H may be able to work all of this out, but sadly... I am now taking legal action... because I do not want to be financially ruined, and I want to keep my kids safe from him taking them to another state... etc etc<p>My lovely FIL , adulterous lawyer that he is, advised my H to take the kids, and leave... and go to GA> WHEW! THat is enough to make me file. I have had it, my legal advice told me if he took the kids out of the state... he could establish residency there... and file for d from another state.. making my life even harder and worse... on me and the kids...<p>SO anyway.. we are in this MESS... and it will get ugly NOW><p>hugs to both of you, I appreciate your thoughts, and inspirations, on my posts, and I am glad to see you two so supportive of one another. <p>I appreciate so much having this board, to vent, post, and get feedback and support... as I hope I can learn to give more of to others as I grow in strength from this horrid experience.<p>HUGS< HONEY