I am afraid I am abuot to commit the biggest of all LB's.. I am filing for D to protect myself and the kids.. H threatened he may want to take kids back home to GA, we are in Tx... he got this advice, from his adulterous lawyer dad.. my Lawyer... says this will complicate matters much further if he takes kids... I hope he will not.. but he could.. also he just got big settlement and is basically leaving me and kids broke.. while he goes on a party... not fair huh? So I am filing.. and I have been plan aing but every little thing I do to make him mad... just blows him up... Ok, now I am not going to talk to you... you messed up now.. etc etc<p>Insight, opinions, thoughts... I still want my marriage.. but need to protect myself.. my idea is I tell him this is nothing personal... just business... <p>Thanks, HONEY

HOney, <p>Do what you have to do to protect yourself and most of all your children. There is no excuse what so ever for your H to do something as terrible as take your kids out of state. You FIL is terrible for even suggesting this. There are few excuses for taking a child away from a parent. Especially the parent who has been their main care taker all along.<p>Do file for divorce. Make sure that your attorney as a order put in place that sets up joint legal custody with the primary physical custody being with you. Generally the rule is that child will stay with which ever parent stays in the family home. The kids should not be moved or upset anymore then necessary because of the parent's problems. The order should also state that neither parent can remove the children from the state of TX with out a 30 day, written notice and a written response of agreement. I had to do this with my ex-h... he kidnapped our son twice. Even had a passport made up... I believe he was contemplating movin to Italy. We both have relatives there. <p>Neither of you should do anything to hurt the other's relationship with the kids. Always keep this in mind. ON the other hand, letting the kids be with a suicidal alcoholic is not wise either. Bring all of this up to the attorney. <p>My H's attorney got the courts to require his ex-wife to have drug and alcohol tests done before she could have unsupervised visitation with the children. It took her 6 months to clean up her act before she was able to submit for a clean test. But the kids were protected from the worst part of her addictions. And she has never returned to a point where she really cares to be a parent more then for two or three visits a year. But the kids are safe now.<p>Do what you have to do. Then write him a Plan A letter explaining that you filed to protect you and the children. But that your ultimate hope is that you and he will work things out over the long haul.<p>As soon as you do that, his attorney father will advise him to pretend to make up with you to you have you drop the divorce, and then he will immediately refile with his own order. So be careful. It can get ugly. Just stick my your guns and do not take him back until he has resolved some major issues.

Honey<p>Is plan A about making you a better person or is it about him?<p>Make yourself a better person. If you do that then no matter what happens you win. If by making yourself a better person you meet some of his EN then hey that is gravy. But if you are damned if you do and damned if you don't as far as his EN then do what is best for you and your kids and go from there. You don't have to LB or anything else. I would say file (in your case) and then let him deal with things. If he blames you then simply say I am protecting myself and my kids legal rights. You didn't blame him or anything else. You are protecting yourself and your kids. If he implies you are blaming him reiterate you are protecting yourself and your kids. <p>Good luck

honey,<p>Your H seems like a spiteful, mean person to torment you this way.<p>In Texas, if you file for D, the proceedings must remain in Texas. By filing, you can make sure the court action will be where you live. There will be a hearing where temporary orders will be issued establishing temporary conservatorship of the children. In Texas, that's what they call custody. You almost certainly will be able to keep the kids in their home county. <p>ABSOLUTELY get the best family law attorney you can find RIGHT NOW, and do not do anything without his/her presence and/or advice. Interview several and ask around before you choose because once you pay a retainer fee to one lawyer, others cannot work with you unless you dismiss the first one and possibly lose your retainer. <p>Texas Family Law Code, Conservatorship <p>If you would like to talk more about our family's limited but agonizing experience with this issue, my email is .<p>In any case, protect yourself NOW. You are under attack.<p>Estes<p>[ January 02, 2002: Message edited by: Estes49 ]</p>

thanks I am scared, and I work for an attorney, he is going to help me since I cannot exactly afford anyone.. I think since I have a good relationship with him he will help me... he does divorce, but not number one thing... a little worried about this.. but not really - as I think I know what the main issues are.. but would gladly speak with you... I will email tonight...<p>I am still at work in the law office where I am secretary now... while looking for a better job...<p>THanks, i do feel attacked.. H sd he does not think it would be right to take the kids, but his OWN DAD is advising him to do this.<p>THANKS, HONEY

Hi Honey<p>I think if an attorney really cares about a client they will work hard, no matter what their specialty is. I have seen a nobody attorney do really well - and I have seen the best custody attorney in So CA not work hard for the client. I have seen it all ways. So - keep doing a good job of taking care of your kids and doing your part-time job, and you will do just fine. Just do not lovebust - outside of protecting you and the kids.<p>A good analogy would be if your husband was going to hit your child over the head with some object, and you had the ability to prevent that - would you? See, it is about priorities - first your kids, then you - and then your job - then your home - and your husband is almost last on the list - because ALL of this is dependent upon you.<p>Your husband won't have a "honey" to come home to if you don't protect YOU and your kids. In all other ways that you can, use very gooood boundaries, but also no - lovebusters. It is a dance, and you appear to be a VERY quick study!<p>May God continue to bless you.
TNT

TX is a tough state to get a divorce in! There is spousal support for 3 yrs....and that is if you get it at all. The temporary orders can also stop H from seeing OW (if there is one) from seeing or meeting your kids...of course until the divorce. They can also say that they can't spend money or take trips with OW...although if they are paying cash, it is hard to trace. Cover all of your bases....start looking into things that need to be fixed in your home. Get estimates for repairs. After my H left it was like the whole house started falling apart! Once the lawyers get involved it just gets messy. I think that my H's lawyer doesn't like my lawyer (I don't even like my lawyer!)....anyway-he gets so aggravated when my lawyer says anything. It's a little funny. Yet so frustrating. <p>
Good Luck to you.

thanks again to everyone.. good to know I can possibly get some help with home repairs.. my refrigerator has been leaking waterr... my dryer is ruining some of my clothes...may be getting too hot..having a problem.. etc I am thrilled he will have to help... My H thinks all he has to pay is child support and that is it...he has mostly... until recently.... he hasn't since he was waiting for his payout from his severence ck... I am very excited that NOW I WILL BE ABLE TO PROTECT MYSELF... I am sick and tired of all of this crap and his taking advantage of me...<p>I am going to be working hard tonight on my assignments from my lawyer.. adding up and listing out all of our bills and our situation before he left... etc etc etc.<p>Thanks for everyone's awesome support. THis is the hardest thing I have ever had to do... I almost want to let him off the hook... but that is just not fair to me and my kids... and while he has some money.. we are going to take action.. it is very possible that he can become unemployed (well already is) and broke in a short period of time, and that scares me.<p>I feel better protecting me and the kids... and besides all I ever wanted was a loving family man.. and all his extra antics, bar hopping and dart playing...not to mention the many other women... mostly one other women.. that I have found out about , and how he was lying to me for
most of our marriage.. IF HE REALLY LOVED me how could he ever treat me this way ? I'm not saying he doesn't think he loves me... I just think... he doesn't know how to love, at least right now.<p>HUGs to all my great new friends, HONEY

Hello Again, I am up early, have been since 130am... amazing, I came home zonked tired and worried, but calming my kids down and getting them to sleep is really difficult... I have a 3 yr. old...<p>Anyway... I am worried about all of this custody mess. I do not want to face it, but due to my FIL threats to me.. yes ATTACKS ON ME. I am going to play hard ball. I did not want to... I have given H time, I have tried to work things out... I have been nice about the kids, gone to counseling... had the door open for him for 3.5 months... and our relationship has gotten worse. <p>Our relationship has been more damaged by this OW than it ever was before... maybe not? But my hard work at having a good relationship with my H has gone downhill since I found out about A and the cruel way he has dealt with me regarding it, has been very very difficult for me to bear.<p>Anyway... it is hard, and sad... very very sad. I want my family, but if my H does not want it... and his actions are stating that... HE HAS MOVED OUT< he is not helping finanically , has seent some child support but by no means enough support to be fair to me and the kids... his standard of living has basically gone up while ours has gone down...<p>It is very very sad.<p>Anyway... I am up trying to clean the house... while my boys sleep... and will be starting to compile my list for the lawyer to fine in a minute...I think I need some coffee, or do I need sleep... ? SOmetimes it is hard to know... I can always sleep well tomorrow afternoon.. at least it is not like the first month of abandonement where I could not sleep at all... <p>THANKS FOR BEING HERE< would love to hear from you legal eagles.. I am trying to build my case now. , HONEY

Honey,<p>I am sorry that you have to do this, but it is a necessary step. In your case I think it is very important that you not tell your h that you are filing until you do. His father could beat you to the punch.<p>One thing I did with during my divorce from x-h, is went to library and read all of the applicable statutes. Made copies of them too… like the child support calculation tables. By doing this I as able to give my attorney very clear explanations of what I wanted. It saved me a bundle too.<p>Here is another thing you can do since you want to save money. Do you know anyone who has gotten a divorce where things seemed to have worked out well? If so, you can go to the court house and get a copy of their divorce file. It is public record. I did this, asked the friend and she said sure. This helped a lot too.