My wife is just totally off her rocker. I don't know what to do. We have a 21 month old daughter together, and she has absolutely no desire to even give our marriage a chance. She has been moved out since early Oct. and has been seeing the OM for 5 months. What should I do? I try to plan A, I know I am not doing to well, but it is also next to impossible to plan A her when she doesn't even live with me anymore.<p>To top it all off one of the things that used to drive her nuts was that I didn't help out around the house enough. I can't even keep my house clean anymore (my brother had to move in with me so I could afford rent and he is a slob) so she thinks that I still don't do any cleaning. <p>I finally saw the OM the other day and WHAT THE HELL IS SHE THINKING? My wife is absolutely beautiful and this guy looks like he could be an overwieght rogaine model. Grr, I am very frustrated. Yesterday she told me that I just need to move on. I told her that I don't want to move on, I just want my wife back.. What do I do? I am at a loss, and I am starting to feel the tempations of being "single" and starting to get very flirtatious.

Hi
I really don't have the answers you are searching for since I was the WS in my relationship but I have since got my act together as of Jan 2001. It took alot of hard work and still is work everday but I am more than happy to have this job so as to save my marriage. I was lucky enought to be given another chance, actually two chances. Its so hard to say much because when you are the WS there is more to it than just going elsewhere for some unmet need. I think there is a story behind every WS. It does not just happen..just because. As for the house, why don't you take a day or two to totally clean from top to bottom. Make it look like a magazine and keep it up, hard to do with a kid I'm sure but do the best you can. For me I learned that words mean nothing when you hurt someone deeply, actions are what count. You have to show them. I also want to say it does not matter what the other person looks like, she is getting some need met that is not met at home, however hard that is to take. I don't know your whole story but I just wanted to tell you that you are not alone. I cannot say too much. I was the one that messed up [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]
I promised in Jan that I would change and since then I have in many ways and I realize that it is a process that will have to continue daily, when trust is broken it takes alot to make it better. Has she left you with the child? You have got to show her why its better to be home than elsewhere if that makes sense...
I hope your okay and know your not alone
Good Luck. Keep us posted. Post your note in the section called "Emotional Needs" you will get a better response. There are great people here. They will help you. Please re post in that section.
*T*

I am kind of tired and not feeling well, but your post really hit me.. I know what it is like to feel that you have lost your life... and that your spouse has just lost it... PLAN A, PLAN A PLAN A, and let go and let GOD><p>I don't have to like the situation, but I can like me in it... be the old dating you.. you are young.. and I was there once with a baby at 23 too! It is hard, hard , hard.. so many of your peer group are out having a party... and sounds like your wife is tired of being responsible... take a long look at you, and do waht you can to feel better.<p>I have thye house troubles too, I have 2 kids, and a hurt back... I am broke now that my H left, and I badly need a maid... I will be getting one again soon, in fact I am about to go call Kathy, I saw an ad for for her in the local paper, for $35.00<p>
I can't wait, I used to have a housekeeper, but let her go.. my H is also mad at me over house.. call the housecleaner... and work extra job if you have to to pay for it... if it is as hard for you as it is for me to do it ALL, and with a baby, you need some help... ck out those newspapers, do you have friends or family, let anyone who will hlep you - help. This is very important.. and take care of you.. get some babysitting.. I am glad to hear your baby has such a wonderful dad. My heart goes out to you.<p>HONEY

Thank you both for your replies. I am still not sure of anything. I think she really just wants to end it at all costs. She doesn't even seem to care about her daughter. She spent Christmas eve with her boyfriend and his family instead of being with me and her daughter. Her reason, She said she couldn't stand to be around me. Yet she tells me that she puts her daughter first. Ugh. What a crock......

Hi, <p>How are you doing? It has been a while since we have heard from you.<p>L.
ps: I saw your pix on Z's thread. I don't think you look like Donny O. You look better. Donnie's teeth are too big. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Mermit77-<p>Have you ever considered that your W may be suffering from Post-Partum Depression? I may be way off base so please don't be offended by this. My W suffered from it after D1 and D2 were born. She became very withdrawn and didn't want anything to do with me, her new baby or anything else. These symptoms started about 6-8 months after each D was born. Its just a thought, but it may explain some of her behavior.<p>I just find it so hard to imagine that a new mom would abandon her baby like that, but then again, nothing makes sense when it comes to an A. Stay strong and don't forget to take care of yourself also.