Its been awhile since I've posted...
Advice is always welcomed.<p>Its been over six months, BS/WS says she still feels nothing toward me. Praying for God to give her "feelings" for me again, but they're just not there. She doesn't trust me and is still very angry at times. <p>She's been looking for a new place to live...in fact I found a secret email account she'd been keeping, she says to get email about places to live. She also gave the address to a so-called friend who lives back home. I confronted her on it and she offered to give me the password, I was so hurt by it. If I had a secret account, and she found it, it would be curtains. She kinda shrugs it off, like its no big deal, but it hurt. <p>So she's leaving. Says she'll stay till the bills are paid, doesn't want to leave me in a lurch. She's hoping to get a better paying job then she can afford to move in with some girls she found on the internet who are looking for a roommate. <p>Says she's tried long enough, nothings changing and until she "feels" something she's not going to try anymore. She found ways of getting an "amicable" divorce on the internet, don't even need an attorney she said, so its much cheaper.<p>I don't know guys and gals, my resolve is the same...I love her and will be here if she goes, be here if she stays. I know I can't control her, so I am just going to keep working on me. Still believing this can be a great marriage! Just a bit despondent I guess, wondering where to go from here?

Hi,<p>Not sure how much help I can be so I will give you my 2 cents and a bump up for more support!!!<p>I think your W is looking for a way out and expecting you to give her that push. I mean 'amicable d'? Really, my H did that to me and said let's save some money and D the easy way....see I have a book!' I took that to mean sure let me give you my best knife so you can stab me with it....oh and by the way...thanks.<p>Have you heard more stupid babble than that? Well, that is what my H said to me. Couldn't reason with him because he was under the OW influence but I did not realize how much. <p>So I decided to say, sure go ahead. I can't guarantee the 'amicable' part but since you insist that I can't control you, then by all means go ahead. Now I did not explain what go ahead meant. But I did do my research and consulted with a lawyer. I knew what he would have had to do and it required some work. Not impossible but to save a buck he would have had to work. Oh yea, OW was willing to do her share by all means. So I said, go for it. In fogese it gets a bit twisted and he took it to mean that I wanted him to do all the work (I did) and he didn't. Then the excuse I got? H: oh the d stuff was too hard so I changed me mind. [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Mission accomplished.....next?!?!? <p>Anyway, that's my story and 2 cents. <p>L.

<p>[ January 20, 2002: Message edited by: MMMMM ]</p>

I have been plan A'ing very steadily...
Plan B hasn't been an issue yet because I haven't felt like I wanted to go that direction, besides neither of us are the WS anymore. You can read more on my story by doing a MissingHer search...I guess what I was looking for was perhaps an insight into her mindset. Is this still part of the pain she is going through, is she trying to punish me? <p>Maybe I already know the answers to the questions and I just need someone to understand a bit. I don't know. Its so hard to find happiness in this place in my life. Just this morning she snapped because I asked her a couple of questions...told her she looked pretty. She goes into all the reasons why she's not happy, job, bills, home life. <p>I appreciate your posts guys thanks.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>I don't know guys and gals, my resolve is the same...I love her and will be here if she goes, be here if she stays. I know I can't control her, so I am just going to keep working on me. Still believing this can be a great marriage! <hr></blockquote><p>Sounds like you've got it! You can't control her. You can only express your love and commitment to her, and your desire to work on the marriage in the most non-LB manner... perhaps a Plan A letter.... it seems I remember you saying that you have written some Plan A letters.... ?<p>I believe that yes, this is still somewhat typical of WS behavior. Noone likes to be categorized as typical, but you see all over this forum. Could her A still be going on? I just know my H said he didn't have those "feelings" for me anymore... and the whole time the A was continuing. He said he knew he wanted a D, and wanted to move out "on his own"... etc etc... (notice he still hasn't filed [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] )<p>You're doing fine MH. Eliminating all LB's, filling the EN's she'll allow you to, and reminding her of your positive belief for a successful marriage. If she wants to move, you'll have to let her go. Then you will have to decide if you will continue Plan A or not, based on your Love Bank, and perhaps based on whether or not an A continues.... even an EA. And then like Orchid said, let her do the "dirty work" if she wants a D. <p>Just my 2 cents. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] Thanks so much for your kind words on my Anniversary thread. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Thanks for that Faith!
I don't believe that she's still having an A. In fact, she offered to give me the password to that secret email account. I didn't want it. I think her desire to leave, to D is really stemming from the idea that by doing that, she can have a fresh start. That by ending the marriage she can close a chapter and start a new one. That it will make the anger and pain and all the other things go away...that eventually she will just slip into some kind of normal life without me and without worrying if she can trust me again. She really is very deeply wounded!
She says that she can't bring herself to trust me again because she's convinced that I am going to do this to her again. "What about mid-life crisis?", she says, "What am I going to do when you start chasing women then and we have children, I'm not going to put myself in that situation". I don't know how to respond to that. I say its not going to happen, she doesn't believe me. Damned if I do, damned if I don't!!
Its becoming this crazy circle that just keeps going...for her the only way out is a D, it seems.

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