Today I made two really big mistakes.
First, I told my MIL about H relationship with OW. We get along really well and I know she feels badly about the way he is treating me and the rest of the family. But...I probably shouldn't have told her. I had a really hard morning after seeing him leave her house at 6:30 AM. When I saw MIL tonight she started telling me that I needed to talk to him (like I haven't been trying!!) So, she got an earful!!
Second...my 18 YO D asked me why I was so depressed and at first I wasn't going to tell her what happened this morning, but she told me she wasn't going to stop until I told her the truth. So I told her what happened this morning. We both cried and she told me not to put up with this anymore. I deserved better. Imagine that, my 18 YO telling me to move on.
So, my question is did I make some big mistakes here or was it OK to share these things.
Thanks!
BH

Hugz,<p>First of all, if you had a need to tell it is not a mistake. You have needs also. Those around you know more than you realize and they are feeling for you. <p>Ask you MIL what she thinks you need to speak to your H about. It may be different than what you are doing. Ask for their input. It makes them feel like they are being helpful and maybe they are. <p>L.

Thanks Orchid. My MIL is a very nice woman and we have had a wonderful relationship. Before tonight, she had wanted me to "forgive and forget" even though she had no idea why we were separated. Then she said "you know a lot of couples stay together for the kids and just lead separate lives". I will ask her how she thinks I should handles things now that she know a little bit more about our situation. <p>I feel numb. Seeing him this morning (even though I suspected it, seeing it with my own eyes, was more than I can stand). How can he be so disrespectful and hurtful. He obviously does not care about my feelings whatsoever. The weird thing is...I have not cried today (except when I talked to my daughter). Anyway, thanks for listening (or reading!).
BH

Dear Brokenhearted,<p>I think you did the right thing....you can only keep this to yourself for so long.<p>I am glad your daughter and MIL were supportive...that is always so comforting. Take care and remember you need support to get through this too.

BH,<p>You did not make a mistake, I believe that you tried really hard not to tell why it is you and your H are seperated. Your D and MIL both knew that there was more to the story and pushed to get it from you, hoping that by releiving some of the stress you would fell better.<p>It truly is amazing how little support the WS gets, and most of it comes from the OW, her friends and or her family, at least in our case that is the only support that WH is getting, his family is very cold to him and cannot understand. WH made mention of the support that I get from my family, whether I choose to end it or continue to wait for H to come around. My older kids have very little respect left for their father, and the oldest is getting ready to go stay with his father for awhile.<p>Truly it is sad how selfish our spouses have become in all of this.<p>You did not make a mistake, you conformed something that they were probably already thinking.<p>Dawn

I agree that you did not make a mistake...if his mother feels comfortable enough to meddle and give advice (unsolicited) then you were right to explain your views.<p>I think 18 is old enough to understand what goes on...even if it is painful to her. My 19 year old son told me last year that he hates the way my h treated me. Kids are so entangled in our lives---after a certain age, we should be honest and forthright with them, I think.

You made no mistake. If anything you probably merely confirmed some suspicions and fears. I think your D needed to know. We all need all the support we can get and your MIL may have some valuable insight, I know mine does.

Thanks everyone! It is comforting to know that I didn't make such a big mistake after all. I know now that my D is grateful for our talk. I know that she is in pain too although that hurts me, it is nice to know that we can lean on each other. She needs my support as much as I need hers. My oldest D doesn't seem to need as much support, but she also knows she can talk to me whenever she needs to. Their personalities are SO DIFFERENT!! I also have a son, who worries me a little because he doesn't talk about anything. He sees his Dad alot and never discusses him with me. I don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing! I want him to be OK that is what is most important to me. Is it better for him if I don't pursue conversation about his Dad?
thanks again for your comments and support!