[img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] Hi, first time here for help. After 8.5 together /3.5 years of being to my husband, I had a very unexpected affair over seas. It made me sick. But at the same time, the OM met alot of my needs. I came home and told my husband but left out (lied) the fact of sex. He moved out 2 months later (his choice, because I said I wanted to move out with my two sons) 3.5 months later, I told him(three days ago). I am so sorry for what happened and have told him that, but he insists on calling me every name under the sun. I have told him that I want the marriage and I have ended all conversation with the OM. My husband is a drug user, shows little respect to anyone in our home, and I was lonely. He works hard, money is no problem. His time is tight and so is his heart. My husband will not talk with me and never has. In the past when I brought up certain issues that I had with his addictions, he would make me feel like a loser and turn things around. He also has a problem with angry outbursts. That is one of the reasons why I was scared to tell him about what happened over seas. I have heard the names now on three different occasions and was wondering how long I need to listen to that, because I want this to work. He does not apologize for saying them and says that he cannot think of other words that are appropriate for me. It rips me apart. Is that what he wants?

Wow! I am torn on this one...I think your attitude is good and that you might be able to save the marriage...but...then I read what you wrote about him and wonder why you would want to. Is it possible that he will go to counseling with you? He doesn't sound like he'd be much of a talker. Check out the Emotional Needs quiz--it helped me alot. And my h is willing to talk and listen--that might be the big difference here.<p>First and foremost, though, he needs to show you respect. I understand you made a big mistake but calling you names doesn't help anything. HOw does he feel about moving out? I don't think you have to let him verbally abuse you and perhaps this separation will give you the chance to find out if you REALLY want to be married to him. It doesn't sound as if he values you much.

Gosh, it sounds like your husband is really hurting. But you have a lot of pain yourself, woman! Are you enabling him to keep hurting you by subjecting yourself to his emotional and verbal abuse??? What is that doing to your kids?<p>Oh well, nobody has to tell you what it's doing, you already know which is why you left in the first place!<p>If your H won't even talk to you or spend time with you, how could that even be defined as a friendship, let alone a marriage?!?<p>It doesn't sound like a healthy situation for you or the kids to be in, however, read all you can here re: MB concepts and pray. Maybe God can/will soften your husband's heart a little. There's always hope in Christ... [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]