I'm new to posting here but I have been reading for about 6 months. Here's the run down:<p>I was the WS for almost 2 years. I had 2 EA's online. One went to real life but never became physical. Throughout my EA's, my H seemed oblivious. I knew something was lacking in our marriage but he didn't want to discuss it or work at fixing it. I felt alone, lost, sad, desperate among many other things. I all but begged him to go for counseling with me. He refused. I begged him to spend time with me, he refused. I begged him to go away with me, just the 2 of us, he refused. I felt no love from my H. He told me the only reason he stayed was because of the children.
I allowed this to justify what I was doing but I never stopped trying to heal my marriage. I know what I did was wrong. This all took place between 1998- 1999. Also I should say my H and I were rarely together physically (sex) for the past 5 years. He seemed to have no interest.<p>Fast forward to the present, where I just discovered that my H was involved in an EA/PA for over a year. He denies it but I did some snooping and found it is true. I think it's over now but I can't be sure.<p>What I'm having a problem with is knowing he didn't want me, didn't want to be with me, didn't even notice that I became involved in EA's because of his lack of interest in me and knowing now that he was physically and emotionally involved with someone else. His OW is older than us both and not very attractive. My ego and self esteem have taken quite a beating over this. I don't know where to go from here. Do I, should I confess and explain my reasons? Should I just say nothing? I'd appreciate any advice. Thanks [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]

People pick those they care for more for the person's inner 'beauty' then for their outer beauty. Yes, outer appearance is usually helps in drawing people to us, but it does not necessarily keep them with us. So looking at her and saying that she is not as attractive as you and older shows more your pregidices then anything else. Work on letting this go. The OW has nothing to do with you, is means nothing to you. Do not give her more power then she deserves.
People pick those they care for more for the person's inner 'beauty' then for their outer beauty. Yes, outer appearance is usually helps in drawing people to us, but it does not necessarily keep them with us. So looking at her and saying that she is not as attractive as you and older shows more your prejudices then anything else. Work on letting this go. The OW has nothing to do with you, is means nothing to you. Do not give her more power then she deserves.<p>As for your h's attitude toward you from even before your affair. My ex-h treated me like that. I understand how it feels. I am sure that your affair drove him even further away. There is no quick fix to what is going on in your marriage. It will take time. I suggest that you start out by reading the material on this web site. Start focusing on you and your part in the marriage. You cannot fix or control him. You can however, work on yourself and become a better you. Take a look at the material on Plan A, then we can discuss things with you here. I also recommend that you read the books," Surviving An Affair", "His Need, Her Needs", and "Love Busters". They are all sold on this web site and available through amazon.com and at most book stores. They are a very good starting point.<p>You have come to the right place.