Okay, here we go. My husband and best friend had an affair. In fact all of us were friends...the wives were best friends and the husbands best friends. The affair emotional affair between my husband and best friend started in March 2001, the physical affair started in July of 2001, and the Disclosure Day was in August of 2001. This affair tore everyone apart. My husband and I made the decision to stay together, our friends however, made the decision to divorce.
The other betrayed spouse has is in the area for business and wants to chat. We have e-mailed each other, and my spouse is completely aware, has read everything. The other betrayed spouse is extremely angry, which I completely understand.
In his lastest communication to me he actually typed my husband's name. This is huge, because previously he never wanted to think or hear his name. My hope is my friend will heal by talking...and maybe even eventually reconnect his friendship with my husband.
Is it weird he wants to chat with me in person? He wants to meet for about 45 minutes today in a very public place. Could us others thoughts. Thank you.

how did it go? i would talk and get his scoop... honey

1shadow,<p>
Please let us know how it went.<p>I have a theory ... He needs a friend as he is in a lot of pain. YOu are a very likely support for him because of shared history. This is how affairs start. And what a great way to get retribution for the harm done to him? <p>Of course I could be very wrong.

Depending on the reason it could be helpful or dangerous. A lot of emotion still riding high out there especially with the BS. <p>Could you direct him here? Let know about the books and tools available? His anger needs to be directed in a positive manner. <p>L.

I am late coming to this thread, but wanted to chime in due to your similarity with my situation - all except for the reconciliation part. I gotta say that you probably should be a "friend" to the other BS for this chat, but in the long run, regardless of whether or not the other couple reconciles, your "couple" friendship should be over. Your H cannot possibly maintain "no contact" if there is any contact between the rest of you. Yes, you have a bond of sorts with the other BS - as I do in my situation, along with their three kids - but to fully escape from this hell, I believe you have to write off the former acquaintences as part of the price of an affair, as I have.<p>You said, "My hope is my friend will heal by talking...and maybe even eventually reconnect his friendship with my husband."<p>Are you sure? Why would you want this constant reminder, a trigger? Do you want to restore YOUR friendship with the OW?<p>I can say confidently that I never want to be in the same room again with my former friend. NEVER! If I sound angry, so be it, but even the thought of that a$$ being around my remaining son is enough to make my blood boil.<p>To your benefit, it sounds as if there is some geographic separation between all of you? I envy you as my OF (other family) - what's left of it - still lives right down the street.

I am late reading this thread too, so first of all, I hope your talk went well. I have been thinking about contacting other BS, but haven't had the courage yet. I am very interested in hearing how it went.<p>I do agree with WAT that a renewed friendship may be a trigger for you, so be careful. <p>WAT - I feel the same way as you do. NEVER again will my former friend be welcome in my home. IT MAKES MY BLOOD BOIL TOO that my son goes over to her house (he is BF with her S)!! The OW in my situation lives right next door to me.
BH

I'd like to thank everyone for their guidance and feedback.<p>The meeting or chat went well, I think the purpose of the meeting for the other betrayed spouse had many purposes. It was brief, serious, and cordial. (1)I think he wanted me to know how sorry he was for the hell everyone has been in during 2001. (2)I think it was an opportunity for him to heal, by just talking and expressing his emotions. (3)Also I feel like it was a way for him to say good bye to the friendship we all (the four of us) shared. This man and I will unfortunatley always have this shared expericence of being betrayed spouses in this paticular instance. The meeting did not feel dangerous at all. If this man wanted vengence he has many other means and opportunities to get it. His only desire is to heal, take care of his daughter-have a good father/daughter relationship, and move on with his life - trying not to let this affair, anger, and hurt overcome his life...he is trying to move on. He has the additional pain of his ex-wife (my best friend) already being involved in (what he he belives to be a serious) a relationship with someone else.
I was also hoping to facilitate a chance for these two men to a speaking relationship, but after the chat, I do not think this will ever be possible.
Yes we all do have the benefit of being geographically seperated.
My immediate family will have another move coming in June 2002. Being in this current location and house, can at times be very painful. I am anxiously awaiting the opportunity for the relocation and a fresh start, continuing to work and strengthen my marriage. My spouse and I are in couseling and could continue to have either conseling or marriage classes as a part of our relationship until we pass on. We are committed to our relationship and our family.<p>**Just a reminder, this meeting with the other spouse took place 5 months after my disclose, and 5-6 months after the other betrayed spouse found out.**

Shadow,<p>I am glad to hear that it went well. It is also very sad. You both sound like great people. Hard to see you both hurting. Hopefully this was a milestone, bitter sweet as it was, in the healing process for both of you.