Hi everyone, I'm new here and in need of a lot of help.<p>A year ago, my husband and I thought it would be fun if we experimenting in "swinging". It started out with me just finding a guy for a threesome. I met a couple of them, messed around a bit, only ended up sleeping with one. My husband seemed to get aroused by my going out, and then later telling him all the "details". Then he asked if he could do the same, and I told him it was only fair, but if I felt uncomfortable about it he would have to stop. Well, he ended up sleeping with two different girls. After the 2nd one, I told him that I couldn't handle him being with another person, and that I would stop my "adventures" as well. A month later I found out that he cheated on me several times with the same woman. When I caught him he had said that he had planned to call it off the day after I had confronted him. Anyway, we worked things out and I really thought that things were going well. A couple months after that he said that he wanted me to continue to mess around with other guys because it turned him on. I asked if he was sure, he said yes. I must have asked a dozen times, each time him saying yes. So I met this guy that I had been talking to for a long time online, and we had gone out twice but nothing happend.
Then the next week I found out that he had an affair that lasted a week (the same week I saw that other guy)with my brother's wife.
This hurt beyond belief. He told me it was just sex, and he had no feelings for her. What had happend (according to him) is that the night i first went out with that guy she had told him that she had feelings for him ever since halloween(this was about a couple weeks after thanksgiving) and things progressed from there. In the course of the week they had sex twice. <p>I have come to believe that lack of communication on his part did this. I have worked very hard and am in the process of forgiving him again.<p>But I have this uncontrollable hatred for my sister in law. She has potentially screwed up two families with young kids. The reason why I give her most of the blame is because I believe she had gone up to my husband at a vunurable time and took advantage of that. I don't believe had we never gotten into "swinging" he would have committed either affair. She had also tried to have an affair with one of my cousins and was unsuccessful.
Now my brother is niave to all of this. I want to tell him .. she doesn't deserve someone like him, but I have their son in mind, as well as my husbands well being. If my brother finds out, he will want to kill him, and if I stay with my husband, he will hate me forever. I know in my heart she will cheat on him again. She seems to have no remorse or regret in doing it. I truely believe my husband will never do it again, with her or anyone else. <p>The problem i am facing is that I cannot be in the same room with my sister in law, but that means I cannot see my brother. It says that in order to get over infedility, the lover must be out of the picture. How is that possible in this case? I can't even see my mom, because she lives across the street from my brother.
Either way, I am forced out of my family if I stay with my husband, which I want to do. My family is very social with each other, every other weekend there is a get together, and my brother and his wife never are apart. I can't see my dad, everytime I see him he invites my brother. I wanted to tell my dad, and came close to it, but I am afraid that he'll want to kill my husband too and will cast me out like my brother would if I stayed with my husband. NOt to mention he would tell my brother.
So if I end up telling my brother, I am cast out of my family which I love so much for staying with my husband, a man who I love more than anything. I end up destroying his family, I don't think he's the type to try to work things out.
If I don't tell him, I voluntarly cast myself out of my family because my sister in law is always around. Then I hurt them because they don't know the reasons why I've abandoned them.
With any other person, I would have still been hurt but because of who he slept with my life has been chaotic and I don't know what to do. There isn't an easy answer, i know that, but I feel like not only have I been betrayed by two people, but I have also betrayed my brother for not looking out for him. They have forced me into this position that with whatever I do, my life is going to suffer. My daughter and my nephew are going to suffer. They have shifted the responsibility and consequences of their actions on me.<p>WHAT CAN I DO? I AM SO LOST AND HURT. Please feel free to email me with your response if you'd like.
[img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] shannon
