My wife went down to visit her mother over the holidays (she left before Christmas and wasn't home with me or our kids, she didn't even buy presents), she has been caring on for the last month with a old schoolmate (male). I disconnected the internet from the house (high speed), then she signed up for AOL (yuck) so she could carry on. I disconnected the phone line and then she left the next day. When she comes back, she will probably want to connect to the internet, but here is my question:<p>
Should I facilitate this ellicit affair by allowing her to surf the net and "chat" with this individual or should I put my foot down and say "if you want to do it, go to an internet cafe or use your cell phone, but you won't be doing it in this house", that is my question. I don't want it to be a LOVE BUSTER, but then again, I don't want to facilitate this affair.<p>Thanks!<p>
Keith

If your wife was actually hitting you over head with a baseball bat would you consider it a LB to tell her that what she is doing is hurting you and that you will not accept this behaviour. I do not understand how it can be a LB to tell your wife that you are not going to accept her affair. Of course, you cannot control her behaviour but you can stop enabling her to commit this behaviour by pretending everything is OK. You can stop supporting her financially, stop dealing with her as a husband and stop communicating with her except if it is about the children, and if need be file for divorce. The only person who is LB is your wife.<p>[ January 04, 2002: Message edited by: radium ]</p>

I do not believe that a BS should sit idly by and "watch" his/her spouse's involvment with another. I believe that Plan A is caringly and lovingly negoitating with WS to stop contact with OP without disrespect or anger. You have every right to express to your WS that you are hurt by her A. Ignoring it will do no one any good but you have to learn how to be respectful even though WS does not deserve respect. She is a person with feelings too and WS needs to make a choice about what she wants.....a marriage or OP.<p>Have you read all the Harley's principles...Plan A and Plan B? Basic Concepts and Emotional Needs? Please educate yourself and examine your part in marital discord but by no means ever accept that A is tolerable. It is a Killer!

Tossed Wave pretty much said it all.<p>Plan A is about taking responsibility for your part in the marriage problems. That, and becoming the best you can be, as well as being nice to your WS. But, boundaries are important, and I vote you continue to block all use of the Internet at home.<p>I'm really sorry you're going thru this, Defcon. You don't deserve this treatment. There is no excuse for an A, none.<p>Jo