WH thinks that I caused D-20 to vent with all her anger about his contact with OW last Fri. D knows it is a two way street about our early marital problems, but she offers little forgiveness about his recent contact with OW. Major love bust because WH thinks I need to explain my role in our problems and the result was him having an affair. I told WH that she was angry and needed to vocalize her feeling from her point of view. <p> After MC Wed. we discussed his recommittment, and no-contact process,he had a hard time with the idea, but sorta -agreed. D was up all night and wrote a sething letter (5 pages)using very explicit language about him, OW, me, brother, suicide, friends ,his other female EA, how his actions effected her life the last 2 years along with her childhood experiences, church, morals, strength of character, and she was leaving early to go back to college. WH found it the next morning & I could tell it hurt along with making him very angry with me. I tried to tell him she is presently very very angry and that now all can be honest with each other and with time healing and respect will take place. WH is usually very pestimistic.<p> WH said that he did not call the OW, but that she called him and knew something was different since WH had not called her. Anyway he told her about recommitting to his marriage and no further contact. WH did tell OW about us contacting OW Fri. night with me(BS) about no-contact. I told WH that after her contact I did not feel good about any more phone conversations. WH then thought he should call and tell her that we weren't going to call. I asked if he would please honor my feelings and not call period. He said he would. So far I don't know if any contact was made. <p> Presently I don't even want to push the no contact letter, I feel WH last contact should be the last. What do you think?<p> I did acknowledge daughter's feelings, but I told her the sledge hammer effect was a little strong. She apolized for her temperment to WH, but not about how she felt, which I felt was okay. BTW D probably had her first good night sleep since she came home and is seeing a C at school.<p> They are both WH & D attending S-15 BB game 2 hours away and will drive back together I hope. D caught a ride down to get there earlier. <p> I have noticed that many of you have adult children, (18 & up), what are their reactions to limited acknowledgement of the A. D knows basic info. only. and much will not be discussed with her.

My older son (31) did not talk or see his Dad (WS) for 9 months. He felt like his Dad wrecked their relationship by doing this stupid thing. He has been the most effected by the A. They did have a reunion on Christmas and have talked surface stuff for now. S did not want to discuss anything about his Dad and would get very angry if brought up. His W said that he has been struggling with it but S does not verbalize alot.<p>My younger son (26) asked alot of questions at first and now acts like nothing is wrong. He lives in Japan and was home for Christmas and spent time with both of us together and separately and acted like everything was the same as usual. <p>The problem with WS and children is for them to work through. There is nothing you can do to change it. I did encourage WS to work on his relationship with his older son and to not let a barrier come between them.

My kids do know of the affair...because of him always bringing her into their lives.<p>They are sick about it.<p>My oldest still calls her dad when she needs something...has no respect for him though. I think she wants a relationship and misses him, but is also disgusted.<p>My 16 year old has been caught up in his lies. She also has written scathing emails to him about his actions and his OW. She doesn't want to interact with him. She did go to his apt for 1 day before Christmas. She said it was sad.<p>My 10 year old is upset with her dad. But, also misses him. He puts a lot of effort into making her visits with him pleasurable. She also has written to him expressing her feelings.<p>My son still misses his dad. Doesn't realize the significance of what he has done. He does know that dad is living with his gf. Seems confused by this.<p>My H thinks I spend all my time turning the kids against him. When they didn't call him for Thanksgiving...he blamed me. When they write to him about how they are feeling...he blames me. When they don't want to interact with him at games, he blames me.<p>I can't and won't change that. His relationship with the kids is his affair. I smoothed the way between him and the kids for years. No more. He created this, he will have to do somehting about it.<p>[ January 05, 2002: Message edited by: miserynmissouri ]</p>

It's always our fault isn't it.. the BSpouse. I am so sick of my H putting it all on me... even talking with him makes me feel bad... as it is always about how bad I am... must be good to forget that he had the affair... now I find out one affair.. and other multiple 1-6 night stands... one of the women he can always call on for sf.... and guess what he goes to other women when he and I aren't getting along... My H even sd that he thinks going to other women can help a marriage... since the H comes home feeling quilty, and then he treats the W better. OH , I never thought of that.<p>Well, anyway, I think it is his guilt- he knows it is his fault... and I congratulate your D on expressing her anger at him... I would too. What a horrible thing for a father to do. It is terrible.<p>Anyway, it is pathetic the lengths the WS will go to , to put the blame on us... the ones that were true to the marriage... <p>DO not buy into his transference of guilt.<p>HONEY