My H had an A with an ex-student of his. He quit teaching in the spring. Well, he comes back to me the other day to say he e-mailed the university that he was interested in teaching again if they had anything available.
I guess it didn't matter what felt about it.
I am feeling so isolated and lonely right now....pretty similar to earlier this year. I don't know if it is because the one year anniv. of d-day is Jan 7..

The only thing I feel you can do is try to explain your feeling on this and hope he understands. When talking to him no LB though.<p>Good Luck

crete --<p>I am sorry for your pain. His actions with the email to the university opened up your wounds all over again--especially since it's close to the anniversary of d-day.<p>Doesn't he realize that, for you, to have him wanting to revisit the "scene of the crime" is on a level with a slap in your face? Of course you're feeling isolated and alone right now, and you have every right to feel that way. I agree with "still love him" when she says that you need to explain your feelings to him and try to assure yourself that he has heard you and understands what you're saying and feeling. If he then chooses to continue on that path, you'll at least know that he doesn't respect your feelings on this issue. <p>Are there other teaching options for him? Does he feel that that university is the only or best option for him. I still say he needs to hear you loud and clear that this is a major LB for you, no matter what the circumstances. <p>Since your H's A was with an ex-student, is it possible that the "coast is now clear," so to speak, so that he could--could--teach there again without that temptation? I'm not suggesting that it would be easy for you but, if he's a teacher, he needs to teach somewhere and he apparently does have an "in" at that school. <p>Post again and let us know a little more about the situation. Did he leave the school last spring voluntarily or was he asked to go? etc.<p>Hang in there with us. We can offer our opinions and suggestions to maybe help you to clarify. Certainly we can help you to feel less isolated and alone--we do care...<p>Ammon

Well, H left in the spring because he really wanted to. Then they restructured and wanted to get rid of anyone who isn't a "professor". But that wasn't realistic. So, I guess maybe becuase he new the witch was graduating in December that the coast was clear. But I quite frankly was woken up to a world where these girls who aren't that much younger than I are very forward...and for some reason are trying to actually touch my husband. He did change his teaching methos where he won't go to the students computers, but changed the room so they could see everything on his computer from their's. I know he tried. I just felt completely left out. And hello, an A can't make you feel anymore left out...isolated.
So, this was one of those things that makes me go back down.
He taught as a secondary income. So, he isn't really a teacher, just knew all kinds of software and was given the position while graduating. And kept teaching in the evenings.
Now, he is doing feelance websites, modeling and stuff ...
So, I guess I was suprised that he was looking to teach.
I know we need the money and teaching was secure income. With freelance he'll get huge projects, but we don't know if in 6 months he'll have more. So, it is hard to budget, not knowing if we need the money later.
He actually saw me post last night. But I don't think he got it.
I really don't know how to talk to him anymore.
I just keep it to myself these days.

crete --<p>About an A: somebody in this room quoted the statement that "an affair is the most violent thing one spouse can do to the other short of murder." Kind of sums it all up for us, doesn't it? Isolated is a good word for the feeling; we're just not a part of normalcy anymore--nothing is familiar or predictable or comfortable. <p>I hear what you're saying about free-lance work; it's terribly hard to budget with the unsteadiness of the income. The teaching position would provide stability for you but I can understand your fears about it (and rightly so). It's a trade-off, I guess, and your comfort needs to be a big consideration when it's time to decide about taking that position. It may not come about but you're right to think about it now. It's got to be scary thinking he might end up back there again. <p>You've got to find a way to reconnect with him so that you can talk and voice your concerns. It's not good, for you or for your relationship, to just keep it to yourself these days. I don't see anything wrong with just telling him how you're feeling about this. It's part of your responsibility to the marriage to make certain that you are heard and understood. I realize it's not easy but if you don't do or say anything, nothing will change. <p>Please stay with us--we're concerned and are here for you.<p>Ammon