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Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 223
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Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 223 |
HELP!!! As a lot of you know, I am a recovering WS. H and I are into our 4th month and things are going quite well. I am overall very happy with my life and where it is going. Here's the bite...I am so angry at OM for his part in this. I am not misdirecting my anger at myself towards him, believe me. I have enough of that too! I am undescribably angry at him, how he treated me, his actions and words... Let me tell you all a little something (help me vent! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] ) He (OM) was the photographer for my father's wedding in Oct of '00. Much has happened since then and my father has paid for the pictures. He has yet to see ANYTHING. Knowing OM as I do, this is now going to be a legal battle. I have encouraged my father to get a lawyer and press for getting the negatives. (Before the lawyer, Dad told him to just send negs and all will be even, OM agreed to this...Months ago!) Dad has now contacted a lawyer and is awaiting advice. I am so PISSED that he just doesn't send the negatives. It is almost like the epitome of how he treated me. Here is another important point...I think Customer Service in the country has gone way down (This correlates, I swear! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] ) Businesses just don't care that you aren't happy with their service and all but tell you to go somewhere else then. I have had major issues with many companies, least of which Daimler-Chrysler, and as a consumer, just haven't been satisfied. So I B*tch and moan all for nothing. Now, getting back to the OM, I feel that this is something that I can actually make a difference with. I know how to fix this consumer problem. Bad part is that is leaves me still talking and thinking about OM with my dad. I spoke with H yesterday about it and he said he wants me to un-involve myself. (Dad had been seeking advice about how to proceed) I pointed out my Cust. Service issues and assured him that THAT was my motivation. He understood. Now today I heard from my dad about this and I got SO PISSED that when I hung up I found myself dialing OM's number to tell him off. As soon as it rang, I hung up, realizing what I was doing. Bill was gone at the time and I immediately called him and told him what I had done. I apologized and he reiterated his desire for me to get out of this issue. I told him, Yes, I will, I will call my dad and tell him I can't talk to him about it anymore. And so I did. Of course he understood. I told him it just isn't healthy for me OR my marriage for me to be talking about OM in any way. I said Bill asked me to call him (which he did) and that I am doing this for the sake of our marriage. Like I said, Dad understood.<p>So here is my problem....what do I do with all this anger towards OM? How do I release it? I haven't asked Ruth yet, our counselor, and am planning on doing so. I wanted to get help from you first, those of you who have LIVED these problems. I know it isn't healthy to hold it inside, and I have NO DESIRE to talk to OM, just kill him. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Thanks in advance for your help...
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Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 726
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Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 726 |
LOL I'd like to have an answer to that one myself, my WH holds LOADS of resentment towards OW, not because he blames her for the A, he blames himself enough for that, but because of the way she used him and treated him like cr@p.<p>He just thinks that the moment he bumps into her he'll just punch her and pull her hair untill she cries lol. He sometimes says he wishes he could kill her with no legal hassle LOL. Now we are starting to take it more like a joke and trying to make it fade.<p>I don't know what to do with the residual hatred though.
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Joined: Jan 2001
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Hi,<p>Others have posted about a throwing away ceromony. Going to a far away spot (mountain, ocean, lake) and throwing something symbolic away or scream at the top of your lungs (good to do at the ocean, waves drown your voice out and your lungs get a workout. It doesn't fix the problem but it can help psycologically remove the size the burden and make it to something more manageable. <p>As far as recovering lost services from the photographer, can someone else intervene and ask for the pictures? Maybe he is using this as a way to stay in contact with you? <p>L.
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Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 223
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Joined: Oct 2001
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AW, It is amazing how intense the feeling can be, I empathize with your H! Glad you two can now joke about it.<p>Orchid, Luckily I haven't HAD contact with OM since I ended it in October. My dad is the one contacting him. Shortly after H and I got back together I spent a few hours infront of our fireplace burning everything I could that had been given to me, including pictures (and negatives) that he had taken of me. That felt good, but I still feel such anger!!!
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Joined: Oct 2001
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Joined: Oct 2001
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Mrs WLD,<p>I know, I emphasize with him to a point, because before we started being a couple I was his friend, I was the one trying to make him go out meet new people when the wicked witch of the west dumped him because he wasn't making enough money (mind you, that didn't stop her from asking for more money and getting jobs using his skills (she would claim to be specialist on computers and then make my WH make the work for her, my WH says he was just retarded)).<p>I am angry at him for the pain she put him through, for making him miserable to the point in which he wishes he was dead, just so ashamed of ever even liking her he feels.<p>He gets enraged thinking on all what he gave up for that piece of nothing, how could he be so blind?<p>I understand and I know I'd be hell mad if I was him. I told him that I understand he feels lkike he'd only feel better for all the stuff she's done to him if he could decapitate her with a plastic dessert spoon, lol. But then I tell him that the best way to show her and make her feel any kind of pain for payback is to ignore her, act like she never existed, and what is most important, be successful and be happy.<p>Everytime he gets angry I tell him to think how mad she'd be to think on how wonderfully we get along, how we laugh, how we have fun, how we never argue, and how we are implementing our $$ income LOL!!!
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Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 223
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Joined: Oct 2001
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Almost, Thanks for your encouraging words. I often do think about what he would (OM) think if he knew Bill and I were back together. See, he doesn't know. I stopped A before Bill and I agreed to start again. It was the healthiest decision I couldv'e made too. It was very hard because for a long time I felt like I might need him to be there, "just in case". Then I realized that with that attitude I wouldn't be totally working on my marriage. I would go into it with a "handicap" and that wasn't fair to ME or Bill. So I broke it off with OM because it was healthy for me. He was abusive verbally and mentally...it was VERY GOOD for me! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] Didn't tell him we were getting back together, because at that time, we weren't. I often think about what it would be like to tell him though. He would be shocked and then hurt. I'm tired of hurting people, so that doesn't give me any relief from my anger. Bill and I go to MC this Tuesday, I will ask her what she thinks I should do. Thanks again,
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Joined: Oct 2001
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Joined: Oct 2001
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Well, I really wish OW would call, and that he could get the phone, and tell her off, he never had a closure, one day she phoned, made a fool of herself (asking if they could get back together, he told him that he didn't think his wife would aprove of her living in the same house with us lol), and never called again, all it went to was well I'll see you later then, end.<p>She later phoned to make sure I was here not an invention of my WH's mind [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] that wacko the psycho b is.<p>I think it'll get to her, she never has fully let go of the hope of having her piggy bank up here, and she has friends where I go to school and where my WH used to work, and they have seen us walking around hand in hand and having fun, so they sure have told her and I am sure she is twisting and turning of pure rage, I know she does feel very stupid, everytime she made a fool of herself she begged to my husband not to tell me, but he always told me and I know she knows because she thinks always the worse about everybody, so its all good!<p>Just let it be, what if the OM never knows? Believe me he will, who cares what he thinks? What is important here is that YOU are happy with your H!!!<p>Everytime you wanna punch him, tell your H and tell him why, and then tell him the reasons because you are so much happier with him than with anybody else in the world, hug him, kiss him, and smile, you'll most than likely find a hug, a kiss and a wide smile back and that will make things alright.
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Joined: Oct 2001
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Joined: Oct 2001
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Almost... Thank you!!! You have made me smile! Sometimes the most obvious answers are right under our noses. I will ask H what we can do when I feel this way. I will ask him for help just as I did before. We will turn all the anger and negative emotion at OM into positive emotion for us! It doesn't make any difference to me that OM knows or not, just giving more of my stories picture. I'm sure at times Bill thinks that he'd love to tell him, "See, she does love me more, Nyah, Nyah!" or something to that effect anyway. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] Have a good night and thanks again!
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