My H still in fog, I know because he keeps saying things like we just don't get along, you're violent, etc etc... just trying to come up with ways to classify me as not good enough for him. or of being the one at fault here.<p>I have been really missing him and probably calling too much, well definitely, he thinks I call too much... when I do not call he starts to miss me and calls and wants to do stuff etc.... <p>He also does not like relationship talk, and I have a hard time with that==
but I know plan a says no relationship talk...<p>I am having trouble with what to call Ow,... I cannot stand it when H says her name..any suggestions.. he seems to think that if I call her a whor++ or a sl__ then this is a bad reflection on him... HOw do you guys get through this ... don't you hate hearing OP's name- or even acknowleging them...?<p>I also wonder, what do I do when he talks about OW, just listen or bash her...? I guess just listen, but would love to bash too. <p>THings were going way better a few weeks ago, but they are getting better again... I guess this just takes time.<p> [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Please bestow on me some of your wisdom - I appreciate all your help... I really think without this board, my marriage would be doomed. <p>HONEY

I think you can say to H,
"Without any disrespect, I prefer not to discuss her. It really causes me a lot of pain. Can we please not discuss her?"

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>I am having trouble with what to call Ow,... I cannot stand it when H says her name..any
suggestions.. he seems to think that if I call her a whor++ or a sl__ then this is a bad relection on him... HOw do you guys get through this ... don't you hate hearing OP's name- or even acknowleging them...?<hr></blockquote><p> Don't let the OP name have power over you. I did for the longest time. I also would shy away from stores and even towns I knew they had been in together. I realized the foolishness of allowing OPs to hold that sort of power over me. <p> As for what to call them. Don't call them anything. At least not in front of WS. If you must talk about them and use their name, well, just do it. At least in the short term. Otherwise you will end up LBing.<p> If you can start joking with WS about the OP(in a non-LBing way)you will be ahead of the game. Not that it is a game but it will show WS that you can remain calm even when talking about what he knows is the worst pain in the world for you.<p> Two of my WS guys were named Jesse and James. We were kidding about everything one day when I said, "well we can tell everyone you are the only person in the year 2001 to have screw*d Jesse James". My wife thought that was the funniest thing she had heard in a long time. She told me later how at ease that one little joke made her feel about everything. Saying it hurt me but I got a good laugh when she cracked up.<p> Even though it hurts like heck, act like you are ok with it. <p> jd<p>[ January 05, 2002: Message edited by: jdmac1 ]</p>

Honey<p>I have followed your posts and man I feel sorry for you because of the roller coaster ride you have been on makes some of ours seem tame.<p>As for what to call the OW. Why not just call her "the other woman". Simple, direct, and to the point.<p>Also I believe you are the one who tore up the rug that your H father gave him and this is some of the reason why he says you have anger issues. May I suggest you get him another rug? I know that it is hard but to me it would seem that it shows you know you made a mistake (however, justified you felt doing it) and you want to make it right. Will it be hard? yes but it may also help you get past the impasse you seem to be at with your H and your going back and forth.<p>I wish you luck girl. I hope your husband realizes the prize that he is taking a chance on losing.

yES, THE roller coaster ride is on... I offered to replace the rug and he said no thanks, but maybe I will do it just the same for the poor baby... it was old and holey, but he seems to think the rug is the most important thing in the world... TO me it was just a blatant glaring reminder that FIL wanted him to be comfy in this affair, and that fil had no respect for our marriage... and funny thing it did not really bother me until I had been through an entire morning of a long phone call of lots of name calling etc.... and lbing that my ws was doing to me... and I let myself get way way upset... then went over there to the mother ship house... crying to get him to put together 3 yr old sons bike... he started doing it immediately as I walked in on the rug... he continued the argument on the rug, and I did too... and that's where we were standing... DOn't I wish we were in another room... I did not even plan to lose it like this... my foot snagged a hole in the rug... and I just looked at the hole and decided to rip the dam+ thing. Yes, it even felt good... but this does not make me a great person either. I feel really bad, and regret the experience especially since he is using it against me terribly.... I did give him a super nice radio of ours to say "sorry", it is a cd player with stereo radio, bose even... most of you have probably seen it advertised.. he had asked for the radio prior and I had sd no, and then decided out of my guilt to gibe it to him... but you are right I may have to replace the rug...regardless as to whether he wants one or not.<p>Maybe I need to go rug shopping. GOod idea.<p>He broke some italian hand blown glass of mine with real gold... that my parents had brought me from italy intended to be an heirloom... my sister got identical set in diff. color... - he broke this 9 yrs ago and I am still mad.... it was in a fit of rage.. he knocked the things off my dresser.... yes, it was bad... but guess what I AM THE VIOLENT ONE>.. according to him NOW> and he is telling everyone in his life about it.<p>It hurts to be described so terribly... yes, it was a fit, and it was terribly embarrassing and I am sorry... but it was just a rug. It is replaceble.<p>Anyway... he wanted to take me and kids to dinner tongiht.... all 4 of us, as a family dinner..but had car trouble and sd he would like to do this tomorrow.... so that is good...<p>But says he has a need to be completely apart and divorced and then if it was menat to be, we will remarry.... I say I am not in to that...fix this marriage if you love me.... or I cannot trust you...this is enough to forgive isn't it? Not 1, but at least 6 OW...although the latest was the only one he would leave for... she was after him... and worked at the office... not just a barfly...although she is a barfly... but worked in the office... so there was continued contact BIT_+!!!<p>Anyway, it is sad... he vacilates, he wants me to come and spend the night very often but this weekend... I had the kids, and he doesn't want them coming if I do - boy we have to get a babysitter to see each other... I like not having kids around but it gets expensive or extreme.<p>I just am getting tired, but finally on friday I think... yes, he and OW talked and even met... UUGGHH, and decided it was over again. How many times do they have to talk about it being over... he sd he now hsa resolution and it did not even feel good to be with her anymore...<p>OH, well that is good.<p>ANyway, opinions, thanks for the support.<p>
HONEY

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