I just read in one of your replies that the OW is a neighbor. That is the same situation I am in except that it is the OM who is the neighbor. Also, OM's W isa teacher at the kids school. D2, D3 and S1 are good friends with OM's children as well, although ever since me and OM's W found out that the WS's were still seeing each other, OM's W has refused to allow her kids to play with ours.<p>I am curious how you handle this situation with your S, what kinds of things do you tell him? I believe that D2, who is very intuitive, has figured something out about what happened. Are you prepared to tell S what has happened if he asks you?

I know how horrible it is to live right next door to the OP. It is devasting enough to have to live with the A, but to be reminded of it every time you go outside or look out the window, it is just too much. So, my sympathy to you first of all. <p>To answer your question, I answer him honestly IF he asks me questions. He is 15 years old and has figured out a lot on his own. One night my H van was parked on the next street over (trying to hide something???) and it got vandalized (someone threw a pumpkin through the back window...too bad huh?) Well, the police came to the door and my son and I had to go look at it. My S looked at me and said "I'm going next door to see if he is there". At first I didn't want him to go, but he insisted. H was there (said he was painting). My H is not admitting to an A, you know "JUST FRIENDS" crap. So, I have not told son that they are involved, but have told him they have an developed a friendship that I am uncomfortable with and that H refuses to give up his friendship. <p>What I try to do is keep the kids friendships separate from what is going on between the "adults". It is VERY hard to do, believe me. I don't want my son going over to OW house, but I don't try to stop him either. My 18 yo D has made up her own mind not to go over there. She can't stand to see the OW. The boys have literally grown up together. They have been friends since they were 2 yo, they walk to school every day together. How old are your children? It is a big trigger to see the OW children every day, but I think it is very important to keep the fact that they were not responsible for any of the bad stuff happening. They are already suffering from the break up of a family and to lose a good friendship is not fair to them. <p>I saw my H leave OW house Wed. at 6:15 AM, so I am 90% sure he is living there now. His van is parked all over the place, but within walking distance to her house. He is seen walking up the sidewalk (right past our house!!) to her house. <p>Sorry for digressing....and sorry the response is so long. I guess I started venting!! I hope we can both get through this ordeal. Please keep in touch and let me know how your kids are doing with all this. God bless!
BH

I agree 100% with keeping the kids friendship separate from the problems of the A. I noticed that after DDay, W would 'question' OM's kids about what he was doing and how things were going at their house. I told W that I had a problem with this, she just blew it off as me being paranoid. <p>Ever since DDay #2 (Jan 1, what a way to start the new year!), OM's W has refused to let her kids play with ours. I guess whenever our kids go over there, they are told that they have other things to do. D2 (11 years old) told me this and asked why her friend was being so mean to her. I told her that this is how friends are sometimes, not to worry about it, focus on other friends and eventually she will come around. Later on I find out that W told D2 that the reason is because OM's W is mad at W (really? I would have never thought) and she is using D2's friend to get back at her. I told W this was the wrong thing to say, W told me 'not to go there' so I dropped it.<p>What I am worried about is that the kids will find out eventually and W's comments like that are not helping any. I asked W what we should tell them if they do ask, she said that they never will unless I tell them. I know the day will come, kids are a lot smarter and intuitive than we give them credit for. I don't want to sugar coat the answer, but I also don't want to make W out to be a horrible person because she isn't.

You are right...it is wrong of your wife to place the blame on the OM W. I hope OM W will come to the realization that it is OK for them to be friends. Is it possible that the kids told the W that your W was asking them how OM was and what he was doing? That could be a reason why she is not allowing the contact. It is also possible that it is just too much for her to handle. It could be an emotional trigger that she just can't deal with. I know it is a trigger for me but it is a trigger I have to learn to live with. <p>You and your wife are together, right? What about the OM and his W? In my situation...the OW and her H are also separated (he accused her of an affair back in May and have been apart since). We separated in Oct. As I mentioned in previous post, H is most likely staying next door.<p>I am sorry about your pain and wish you the best. <p>Hang in there....Good luck...
BH

Yes, it isn't fair that W blames OM's W, but W is very vengeful towards her, and why not, she is standing in the way of thier happiness, much like I am. I know in the past OM's W stopped allowing the kids to see each other because of W's questioning, but we talked and agreed that they should continue to be friends.<p>I think you are right about the trigger because of DDay #2 and I can understand OM's W point of view. Hopefully with time she understands the importance of the kids friendship.<p>To answer your question, no, W and I are not together anymore, see my thread titled "follow-up to BS moving out..." for the unbelievable recent events. I'm not sure if OM and his W are together either since I have no way of 'observing' them without getting thrown in the clink.<p>There should be a rule that if you are going to have an A, do it with a stranger, not a co-worker, family member or neighbor. That rule should be right after "DON'T HAVE AN A, PERIOD!"

I just read the thread you mentioned and I am so sorry that you had to go through that ordeal. I will never understand how muttled their brains get!! I hope her "fog" lifts soon and she realizes what she is giving up. My H's fog is so thick right now, he can't see anything! Does your wife defend the OM? My H defends the OW all the time! I try not to even get into the conversation with him because it always ends up the same. <p>Please let me know how you make out with the RO. I hope it gets lifted and you can move back in as soon as possible. It is just not fair that you have to be out of the house when she was the one who turned your lives upside down. <p>Good luck and God bless.
BH