I'm new to posting here, although I have read and reread most all the articles and many, many posts. I think the principles here are awesome and the support is phenomenal.<p>That said, let me get to what's confusing. This morning I read a post from a BS who was "thrown against the wall" by her WH. People have responded with support but NO ONE advised her to call the police because of this abuse. It seems to me that a cheating spouse with much anger could be very dangerous. I worry for her and her child. Is it the norm to just let "mild" abuse slide while in Plan A? I am genuinely concerned!

Hi, <p>Welcome to MB. Thank you for caring and yes, these sad events do happen. Acknowledging abuse is hard when it is so close to home. Many go into denial. <p>Please put the thread here of where that response was so that we can all take another look. If it was overlooked and a better suggestion may be needed, then yes your suggestion should be followed. <p>This is a hard thing for many of us. <p>Thanks for your concern and care. <p>L.

Here's the post link<p>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=37&t=014637

totally-lost<p>Thanks for the heads up. I too am very concerned about even 'minor' abuse. And throwing someone against a wall is not minor.<p>Sometimes people try to Plan A too hard. They try to understand the WS and give them room to the point that they endanger themselves mentally and physically.<p>In Dr. Harley's material, he states that if there is abuse, alcoholism, etc, that problem must be handled first before the marriage can be saved. He advises that when there is abuse, the abuser must leave the family home. They can only return after their abuse is handled. So no, the MB concepts do not leave room for even minor abuse.

Thank you both for the clarification here. I was afraid that the idea of saving marriages became more important that physical safety. Again, thank you so much for helping me understand and for the follow up posting to that woman.

totally-lost<p>More then glad to...<p>Have you read Dr. Haley's books.. "Surviving an Affiar", "His Need, Her Needs", and "Love Busters"? If not, you may want to. They address info on this web site much more in depth.<p>Welcome to MB as there is a lot of good info and support here.

Hi, <p>Just a follow up. I went back to read your reference. I had thought it was the one from Terrified and yes it was. We have been following her post for a while now. LadyClueless had actually posted about contacting the police about an hour before your thread started. Zorweb also made those comments. <p>Now I am going to share something that I have observed. As shocking as that statement was to you, did you notice that Terrified did not indicate how she viewed that incident? That is not unusual. Often it takes a lot for the spouse to acknowledge the abuse. Hard to believe but it is frequently seen here. Yes, even I have been guilty of that. I can see it in others posts but not in my own. Denial of sorts. <p>It will take a while but she will see it soon. <p>Thanks for the heads up. This is how we help out each other..<p>L.